When simple, mild-mannered lackwit Montgomery Scott (James Doohan) stabs three women to death in the space of a couple of hours, the crew of the Enterprise become suspicious enough to start an investigation, which mostly consists of getting Majel Barrett to read them a bunch of Wikipedia articles. But just as we’re all about to nod off, someone claims responsibility for the murders — beloved childhood plaything Piglet (John Fielder), who immediately inputs himself into the ship’s computer and attempts to generate terror by making a series of increasingly unimaginative violent threats. Understandably, the crew respond to all this by taking a bunch of drugs and waiting for the closing credits to kick in. Which is how we recommend that you respond to this episode as well.
Recorded on Tuesday 9 May 2023
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First broadcast on Wednesday 21 May 1997
and Wednesday 3 September 1997
As Voyager approaches the end of its third year, it’s time for its very own version of The Best of Both Worlds. And here it is, complete with a massive encounter with the Borg, clouds of débris, a terrifying new enemy, dissension among the commanding officers, and the unveiling of an entirely new kind of human—Borg hybrid. But because it’s Voyager, there’s also people doing things for no reason and a central conflict disposed of in an unsatisfying way. But (again) because it’s Voyager, there’s some great weird visuals, a cool new holodeck program, and yet another arresting performance from the Queen of Star Trek, Her Royal Highness, Captain Kathryn Janeway.
Recorded on Tuesday 2 May 2023
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This week, Kira moves a few steps forward on her long and problematic journey from terrorist to bureaucrat as she struggles with a decision to evict Brian Keith from a hastily re-dressed Standard Cave Set 1. In the meantime, Jake and Nog do some adorable capitalism, foreshadowing just how much we’re going to grow to love them by the end of the show.
Recorded on Tuesday 25 April 2023
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A long time ago in a land far, far away, a beneficent king called Alex ruled over the kingdom of Trek, deciding which provinces would prosper and what each province would be known for. And so it came to pass that in the Province of Strange New Worlds, fun and entertainment would hold sway, and that from time to time even a heartwarming ending would be welcomed. And they all lived happily ever after, even the ones who had died.
(Warning, some spoilers here for Picard Series 3.)
Recorded on Saturday 22 April 2023
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Together at last for the first time, Joe and Nathan find themselves on Planet of the Horny but Unattractive White People, faced with a moral dilemmma that wouldn’t challenge a slow-witted five-year-old. Ah, we have fun, don’t we?
Recorded on Friday 10 February 2023
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A game of Bat’leths & BiHnuchs takes a surprising turn, as Mariner and Boimler make some very important decisions: Mariner is going to be less insubordinate, while Boimler is going to boldly take opportunities he has never taken before. But soon Mariner finds herself ignoring Ransom’s orders and plummeting from an orbital platform to save her crewmates, while Boimler plays some springball, joins a Bajoran dirge choir, models nude for a figure painting class, and is finally hunted through the ship by a monster for sport. And we all learn a valuable lesson, except Boimler, who learns a stupid one.
Recorded on Monday 30 January 2023
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Flushed with the success of its previous attempt at Gothic Horror, Star Trek gamely tackles the genre again, as the Doctor’s experiments with the parameters of his program inevitably lead to a high-concept holographic version of The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, with all of the creepiness towards women that that implies. Aggressively mediocre.
Recorded on Monday 16 January 2023
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First broadcast on Friday 6 May 2005
and Friday 13 May 2005
Enterprise is reaching the end of the long road that brought them from there to here, and before we say a final goodbye, we’ve just got enough time to foil a charmless racist demagogue who wants to destroy our future — a future based on co-operation, openmindedness and mutual respect. It’s just like the present day, really, only the good guys win. Oh, and Trip gets to punch a racist in the face.
Recorded on Tuesday 10 January 2023
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This week, Star Trek: Lower Decks does what it does best: plumbing the depths of the franchise’s weirdest moments to produce something fun, entertaining, and sympathetic to its ideals. Which is why we get to root for some underappreciated and frequently mispronounced alien monsters, and why those two beautiful nerdy men, Boimler and Rutherford, get to save the day not with violence, but with a PowerPoint presentation and some maths.
Recorded on Monday 19 December 2022
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