Stardate 46519.1: Surgically altered to appear Romulan, Marina Sirtis wakes up on board the Romulan Warbird Khazara looking as fabulous as she has ever looked and starts threatening an increasingly cowed Carolyn Seymour. The result — one hell of an enjoyable episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Eighteen months later: Surgically altered to appear Cardassian, Nana Visitory wakes up on Cardassia Prime looking incredibly striking, but her rich backstory, the show’s increasingly involved premise, and her willingness to just go for it as an actor — all of these combine to make one hell of an enjoyable and satisfying episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
This week, it’s time to ruin everyone’s fun, as Nathan declares that a Deep Space Nine fan favourite is an artistic failure, and compares it unfavourably to Take Me Out to the Holosuite. Is he crazy, or is it the whole damn system that’s crazy?
This week on Star Trek: Discovery: Paul collaborates with the most obnoxious scientist in the Federation, Hugh is counselled by the the most brutal psychologist in Starfleet, and Michael receives emotional support from the most unlikely source on the ship. And a man who committed a terrible crime in his youth is given the chance to somehow, in some small way, make amends.
They were victorious. But Enkidu fell to the ground, struck down by the gods. And Gilgamesh wept bitter tears, saying, “He who was my companion, through adventure and hardship, is gone forever.”
Now this is what Star Trek is about — kind, competent people solving a space problem, while learning about the importance of storytelling, connection and understanding. Magnificent.
Our mission this week — to boldly rehabilitate an unjustly maligned episode of Star Trek: Enterprise. After more than a series of being aggrieved and obnoxious, Jonathan Archer is suddenly confronted by the need to apologise to people, sometimes with his shirt off. Meanwhile, Porthos is a very good boy, even when he’s just a fluffy puppet.
A difference of opinion on Untitled Star Trek Project this week: Joe is cross and disappointed that things ended this way, and Nathan is enjoying the satisfaction that only low expectations can provide. Meanwhile, the crew of the USS Voyager enjoy a long-delayed reunion (in latex), re-examine a costly command decision, and experience an upsetting new heterosexual romance. And then, finally, after all these years, they make their way home.
This week, the crew of Discovery find themselves trapped in the Mirror Universe with nothing much to do except to incrementally advance their individual plot threads. Paul chats to himself and his dead partner, Saru tries to persuade Voq’s girlfriend to help him through an identity crisis, Michael partakes of an extremely upsetting hors d’œuvre, and Lord Ealing goes off somewhere in search of a mop and bucket. Fortunately, Cousin Michelle — Her Most Imperial Majesty, Mother of the Fatherland, Overlord of Vulcan, Dominus of Qo’noS, Regina Andor, Philippa Georgiou Augustus Iaponius Centaurius — is being absolutely as fabulous as she sounds, while Gabriel Lorca becomes the first Starfleet Captain to defibrillate some poor bastard’s head before stomping it into a soft paste. Nathan — if no one else — loves it.
First broadcast on Wednesday, 30 September 1998
and Wednesday, 7 October 1998
It’s an epic start to Deep Space Nine’s final season. Miles, Julian and Quark join Worf on a mission to honour Jadzia by blowing up a cartoon shipyard. Ben and Jake meet a (completly adorable) new Dax, drag Brock Peters through the desert for some reason, and then dig up a box. And Kira sits in a tiny spaceship waiting steadfastly for something to come along and resolve her part of the plot. And all the time, Joe and Nathan are cheering from the sidelines, enjoying a solid 90 minutes of getting to know these people again, and watching them set things up for a glorious final year.
A barely secret conspirator has been selling Federation technology to the Kazon Nistrim in a weird alternative timeline where there are more than seven people on board the ship, where Chakotay has agency and interesting things to do, and where we really feel like we’re stranded tens of thousands of light years from home. Plus, Seska is here!
What thee are about to see comes down from the time of the beginning, without change. This is the Vulcan heart. This is the Vulcan soul. This is our way.
In this Classic Episode of Untitled Star Trek Project, Joe and Nathan find themselves unexpectedly involved in a fight to the death — for the love of a beautiful woman!
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