Kobayashi Maru

Episode 128

Friday 11 October 2024

On the bridge of Discovery, Book is facing us, looking into the viewscreen at something horrific, and the realisation is just beginning to hit; his eyes are welling with tears. Behind him, small and out of focus, the bridge crew are looking at him with sympathy and love.

Star Trek: Discovery

Series 4, Episode 1

Stardate: Unknown (3190)

First broadcast on Thursday 18 November 2021

The crew of the USS Discovery are really settling down and starting to enjoy their new life in the 32nd century — fixing some butterflies’ GPS network, giving a commencement speech to some socially-distanced Starfleet Academy students, and fixing the unexpected and alarming angular velocity of a Federation space station. Then suddenly an unimaginable tragedy strikes.

Duration: 1:12:17 · Recorded on Tuesday 1 October 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: Discovery

The Quality of Life

Episode 127

Friday 4 October 2024

In an image familiar from a well-known meme, a handsomely bearded Geordi LaForge expresses his approval by pointing with his index finger.

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Series 6, Episode 9

Stardate: 46307.2

First broadcast on Saturday 14 November 1992

Data is excited to get a new puppy and understandably miffed when Riker decides to explode it in order to solve this week’s space problem. Back on Earth, Nathan is delighted by the story’s optimism and sheer nerdery, while Joe remains sceptical.

Duration: 1:07:25 · Recorded on Tuesday 24 September 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Death Wish

Episode 126

Friday 27 September 2024

It's Janeway and Q, standing on the bridge of the USS Voyager,  looking at something offscreen with some incredulity.

Star Trek: Voyager

Series 2, Episode 18

Stardate: 49301.2

First broadcast on Monday 19 February 1996

Opinions are split on this week’s Untitled Star Trek Project, with Nathan leading the prosecution and Joe the defence. Will Nathan sentence Death Wish to be imprisoned a comet, subsisting only on a rare form of Nogatch hemlock? Or will Joe prevail with the argument that at least it’s Voyager trying to have something to say and giving John DeLancie a new thing to do?

Duration: 1:06:16 · Recorded on Tuesday 17 September 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: Voyager

A Mathematically Perfect Redemption

Episode 125

Friday 20 September 2024

In a beautiful arboreal village on a distant planet, a handsome bird man holds up a small pineapple-sized robot and stares lovingly into her optical sensors.

Star Trek: Lower Decks

Series 3, Episode 7

Stardate: Unknown (2381)

First broadcast on Thursday 6 October 2022

This week, a mathematically perfect recurring villain gets her own episode of Star Trek, and we discover how much fun the show can be without all that relentless moralising, just moments before we also discover how much fun it is to watch a villain get her comeuppance while some dunderheaded bird people shake off the dead shackles of a stupid tradition.

Duration: 0:45:16 · Recorded on Tuesday 17 September 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: Lower Decks

Bread and Circuses

Episode 124

Friday 13 September 2024

Two shirtless sixties-hot gladiators, ready for a bout,  looking slightly embarrassed about their fake-ass shields.

Star Trek: The Original Series

Series 2, Episode 25

Stardate: 4040.7

First broadcast on Friday 15 March 1968

In hoc episodio, cum nautae astronavis Enterprise ad Urbem Aeternam pervenissent, brevi tempore magister Kirk amicos suos in harena certantes spectavit, passerem garo elixum gustavit, ancillam formosissimam futuit, postremo festinanter discessit. Sed dum navem solvit, cognoscit se testem fuisse novam religionem pacis ac fraternitatis oriri.

Duration: 1:06:10 · Recorded on Tuesday 10 September 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: The Original Series

Empok Nor

Episode 123

Friday 30 August 2024

We're on DS9's sister station, Empok Nor. It's dark, but looming out of the darkness is the sweaty, clammy face of a very angry Garak: behind him, out of focus, is a distressed-looking Nog.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Series 5, Episode 24

Stardate: 50901.7

First broadcast on Monday 19 May 1997

This week, Deep Space Nine does the best that it can with a slasher horror premise involving four redshirts and some murderous Cardassians, including beloved secondary character, plain, simple Garak. Fortunately, no one suffers any long-term ill-effects — except for the people who are no longer around to complain, I suppose.

Duration: 1:11:12 · Recorded on Tuesday 27 August 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

In a Mirror, Darkly / In a Mirror, Darkly, Part II

Episode 122

Friday 16 August 2024

Mirror T'Pol and Mirror Archer are facing off on the Enterprise bridge. T'Pol has long blond hair and is wearing an embarrassing version  of the horrid Enterprise coveralls, which reveals much more of her midriff than any reasonable person would regard as acceptable.

Star Trek: Enterprise

Series 4, Episodes 18–19

Stardate: Unknown (2155)

First broadcast on Friday 22 April 2005
and Friday 29 April 2005

The finish line is in sight this week for Star Trek: Enterprise, and so it’s time to throw out the rulebook and have some fun for a change, with a preposterous farrago of fan service that remembers at least that one of our most important jobs is to be enjoyable and entertaining. T’Pol starts wearing a miniskirt and Archer drinks some poisoned champagne, and, frankly, we couldn’t possibly be happier.

Duration: 2:03:05 · Recorded on Tuesday 6 August 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: Enterprise

Deja Q

Episode 121

Friday 9 August 2024

It's Q, lying on the carpet on the floor of the Enterprise bridge. He's naked, with a wicked grin on his face.

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Series 3, Episode 13

Stardate: 43539.1

First broadcast on Monday 5 February 1990

As private parts to the gods are we! They play with us for their sport!

Lord Melchett, Blackadder II: Chains

A defrocked god appears on the bridge of the USS Enterprise and wanders around being much more fun than anyone else aboard. (Apart from Whoopi Goldberg, obviously. And maybe Brent this week.) A solid outing from TNG’s Imperial Phase.

Duration: 1:10:53 · Recorded on Tuesday 30 July 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Into the Breach, Part I / Into the Breach, Part II

Episode 120

Friday 2 August 2024

Standing outside Starfleet Headquarters in Los Angeles, dressed in their prep school uniforms, are Rok, Murph, Dal, Jankom and Zero. They look surprised to see something.

Star Trek: Prodigy

Series 2, Episodes 1–2

Stardate: 61859.6

First broadcast on Monday 1 July 2024

Star Trek: Prodigy is here for a second season, bringing our crew back together and sending them off on an epic mission aboard the USS Voyager. It’s Star Trek: Voyager as you’ve never seen it before, but it would be cruel of us to say why. (Hint: we both think it’s really good.) Also appearing: the two best Roberts, which is quite exciting.

Duration: 1:15:07 · Recorded on Tuesday 23 July 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: Prodigy

Meridian

Episode 119

Friday 26 July 2024

Dax and some completely nondescript white guy are kissing in a sunny park.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Series 3, Episode 8

Stardate: 48423.2

First broadcast on Monday 14 November 1994

This week, Deep Space Nine serves up a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, in which a respected female character undertakes an ill-advised heterosexual romance with a creepy and unattractive white guy, which makes her look like an idiot. Meanwhile, over in the B-plot, Quark and Jeffrey Coombs try to get hold of some deepfake celebrity porn of Nana Visitor.

Duration: 1:09:53 · Recorded on Tuesday 16 July 2024 · Download · Open in new window

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine