This week, Star Trek: Lower Decks does what it does best: plumbing the depths of the franchise’s weirdest moments to produce something fun, entertaining, and sympathetic to its ideals. Which is why we get to root for some underappreciated and frequently mispronounced alien monsters, and why those two beautiful nerdy men, Boimler and Rutherford, get to save the day not with violence, but with a PowerPoint presentation and some maths.
Star Trek: Generations is a Christmas movie, but more than that, it’s the moment when Star Trek: The Next Generation makes its first tentative and ultimately unsuccessful step into the venerable movie franchise. Julian Bashir’s crazy uncle has a horrific plan to get to heaven by killing a bunch of people we don’t see and don’t care about, and can only be stopped by two middle-aged white guys clambering over some gantries or something. Oh, and the Enterprise crashes and the whole crew is killed. Happy holidays, everyone!
Our writers are on strike this week, and so we’re just going to mark time until we reach the end of this blurb. When an uncomfortably horny Lwaxana Troi beams aboard the Enterprise, a series of events happen, culminating at last in the episode’s closing credits. Mick Fleetwood guest stars as a fish.
Stardate 46519.1: Surgically altered to appear Romulan, Marina Sirtis wakes up on board the Romulan Warbird Khazara looking as fabulous as she has ever looked and starts threatening an increasingly cowed Carolyn Seymour. The result — one hell of an enjoyable episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Eighteen months later: Surgically altered to appear Cardassian, Nana Visitor wakes up on Cardassia Prime looking incredibly striking, but her rich backstory, the show’s increasingly involved premise, and her willingness to just go for it as an actor — all of these combine to make one hell of an enjoyable and satisfying episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
This week, it’s time to ruin everyone’s fun, as Nathan declares that a Deep Space Nine fan favourite is an artistic failure, and compares it unfavourably to Take Me Out to the Holosuite. Is he crazy, or is it the whole damn system that’s crazy?
This week on Star Trek: Discovery: Paul collaborates with the most obnoxious scientist in the Federation, Hugh is counselled by the the most brutal psychologist in Starfleet, and Michael receives emotional support from the most unlikely source on the ship. And a man who committed a terrible crime in his youth is given the chance to somehow, in some small way, make amends.
Our mission this week — to boldly rehabilitate an unjustly maligned episode of Star Trek: Enterprise. After more than a season of being aggrieved and obnoxious, Jonathan Archer is suddenly confronted by the need to apologise to people, sometimes with his shirt off. Meanwhile, Porthos is a very good boy, even when he’s just a fluffy puppet.
A difference of opinion on Untitled Star Trek Project this week: Joe is cross and disappointed that things ended this way, and Nathan is enjoying the satisfaction that only low expectations can provide. Meanwhile, the crew of the USS Voyager enjoy a long-delayed reunion (in latex), re-examine a costly command decision, and experience an upsetting new heterosexual romance. And then, finally, after all these years, they find their way home.