The Savage Curtain

Hey, Joe. Hi. So this week we're back aboard the original USS Enterprise, no bloody A, no bloody D, and we are watching the Savage Curtain which is series 3, episode 22 of the original series, and I believe that was your choice, Joe. right. And it was 1st broadcast on the 7th of March 1969, which is just mere weeks before I come into the world. This is the 3rd last episode of Star Trek, and they politely delay the very last episode so that it can air in a world in which I already exist. Isn't that wonderful? May also have had something to do with the death of President Eisenhower as well. I said, you didn't know, Nathan. I said to you, well, we're going to do the original series. It's going to swing one of 2 ways, so usually they're either very good indeed or absolutely ghastly. And this one is absolutely ghastly. Yeah. So this falls into the complete failure mode of series 3. And what series 3 frequently does is it just puts the crew of the Enterprise under the control of some godlike alien beings and then just sort of tortures them until sort of 5 minutes before the end of the episode when it all stops and they go back to the bridge and end the episode. And we did the empath, which is largely that and whom God's destroy is like that. Which at least the green woman exploding. That's true. That true. It's not as boring as this. This has the steaming Pooh monster. So, yeah. Yeah. And so these manages to be quite boring and sort of dumb as well. And like, the thing that it made me think of more than anything else was arena, which is this premise, but done well and intelligently, I think, like on location and with a more exciting monster and just sort of better action and kind of a better idea of what's going on. Do you know what I mean? Like the metrons are doing something sensible, something pretty similar to this, but much, much less dumb than what the... God, we didn't rope this, Nathan, when you were here. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, this, I just think this is this is shockingly terrible. The other one that it reminds me of is who mourns for adonize. When is that? My knowledge of TOS isn't strong enough. Yeah, mine isn't either. And of course, Plato's stepchildren is like this too, where it is just there's an all powerful alien being that just sort of torments them until it's time to end the episode. That's why this reminds me so much of Isetu, of Mike. Height and Q from TNG season one, which is an, oh, you know, a godlike being, taking people to the dreadful studio backdrop planetary landscape set, and just weird people. What is it in that? It's pig monsters, isn't it? in revolution costumes and things stabbing Wesley Crussoff through the chest and things like that. Well, you know, take out Wesley Crusher and put in Abraham Lincoln. It's basically the same story isn't it? But this is the period where Roddenberry had kind of lost control of the show, hadn't he? Freiburger had come in and so I didn't think he'd done that much in season three. I know Gene Coon left, but I didn't think Ron and Beer would wrote that many scripts, but if this is an example of what he's delivering in the dying throes of TOS, they may I say that the the axe came down at just the right time. Because I was like, okay, initially I was on board for 2.5 seconds when the absurd image of Abraham Lincoln, in its chair, flying through space, in the orbit of this planet, I was like, that's really fucking stupid. But it's weird. It's different. Great. We might be able to do something with this. But sort of 10 minutes into the episode, we're down on that planet and it's just a series of protracted and badly staged fights for 40 minutes before the episode just ends with the most generic and simple homily at the end of the episode. Well, I didn't think it even, you don't think it even rates as a homily. No, I didn't say it's terrible. It's not about anything. We don't reach any conclusions at all. We don't learn anything about good or evil. Like, it's so nothing. Like, it's really bad. But like in arena, we learn something about the difference between Kirk and the Gorn and that's something that's relevantly different and you can see what the episode is trying to bring out. Here, presumably, like, why is it called the Savage Curtain? Do you know what I mean, rather than the ferocious wallpaper or something? I think I saw Juno, you draw back the savage curtain and oh, is the line between good and evil a lot thinner than we thought? Is that what they're trying to say? It's got to be that. So a curtain conceals something, doesn't it? And so the idea is that between good and evil, there's not that much difference. And it gestures at that a little bit. There's a time when the X, they're called X-Calbians. It's not actually set in dialogue, but that's what they're called. When the... No. This is she apostrophe. The actual particular X-Calbian here is called Yarnik. And so when Yarnick stops, thinks, and says, actually, you guys use the same kind of tricks, you know, good and evil don't seem to be all that different, uh, you know, what? What about that statement, though? What are you trying to say? I don't know. Good people are capable of doing bad things of bad people are capable. Yeah, we know that. People are. Yeah, yeah, but... But good and bad people both get up in the morning and have shelves and breakfast and like all of these onto things. produce their own ex-calibians, then have a shame. I will never not get intense joy from hearing you saying things like Yarnik and Excalpions, you know? You're the smartest man, I know. The fact that you talk about this once a week is just little sleep. Nonsense. But we don't learn anything about the characters in this either. And you can at least usually guarantee. you can have some fun with the 3 main regulars, but McCoy is prickly as hell in this and really not fun to be around. I hate Scotty in this episode. He's just throwing sass left, right, and centre. There's nothing happening with Kirk and Spock down on the planet you know? There's no character through line there at all. At least in hide and cue, you know, we learned that Tasha Yar wants to fuck Picard. Oh, if you weren't a captain, you know, it's terrible, but we learned something. I don't want to hear that. Don't worry, Nathan, it's all right to cry in a penalty box. Okay. Okay, good. Yeah. I mean, the greatest joy I took from this was that monster. I mean, every time that, I've quite liked the voice as well, but that, yeah, great steaming... We can't call it a poo throughout the entire episode. What should we call it? an ex-calbian. Don't be racing. Affluent. So the the Excalbians do appear in a graphic in Caicos classroom in early deep space. Yeah. No way. Yeah, I've seen a picture. So there's an Ex-Calvian. And the Excalbion skeletal structure, it's it's on a, um, original series on Deep Space 9, you know? Yeah, yeah, they do. They do. And of course, an ex-calbian skeleton is used by Tandy to escape from a room on a starship in an episode, a very early episode of Lower Decks. I'm wondering if the pitch for lower decks was, you know, how many of the shittest elements of the original Star Trek and TAOS can we get in this show and actually make fun? Turns out all of them, it turns out. I mean, they're all there. Yeah, so, like, this is this is pretty terrible, and this is Star Trek when Star Trek fails, I think. And it doesn't fail because it's ridiculous. It doesn't fail because, say, it's got Abraham Lincoln in it because I was actually quite enjoying that bit, but it fails because it doesn't go anywhere and it's dumb and it isn't about anything and it's the same thing that we've done over and over again at this point. I didn't think it was particularly well executed, however, though when we're down on the planet, I've seen pretty good fights. Arena, you know? We've seen pretty good fights on TOS and we've seen that they can execute stuff, even on the planetary landscape sometimes. But there's just a feeling of that will do about all of this. Yeah. Like, remember, we said that there were all sorts of dumb things about obsession and we thought that like I feared going in that that was actually going to be a bit stupid. And because it had that good guest character in it. And because it was well directed and because the dicaronium cloud monster thing was reasonably interesting. Um, like that ended up being quite good. That's certainly a lot better than this. POV shots off the cloud moving about, approaching and killing people. But the thing that it made me think of as well was the Galileo 7. Because remember that the way that they had just stage hands throwing spears from off camera onto the set. I'm not calling them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but not hurling spears. Do you know what I mean? Just kind of gently throwing them. Just, you know, this is all throwing sticks at one another and throwing rocks and stuff and the fights are really badly and boringly staged and there's no tension or anything. Whereas, you know, arena was really quite tense and sort of interesting, even though that did involve, you know, throwing giant polystyrene rocks at each other and stuff. Like, he was dumb as well in all sorts of ways. But this was sort of dumb and I think you're right, just half hearted. No one's really doing their best work here. You say this was 69? Yeah, yeah. So it's the 3rd last episode. So it's interesting. Like, I know we occasionally do Star Trek, Doctor Who parallels. But across the ponds, right? In 69. Doctor Who is also all kind of on its last leg. The ratings are going down. And there's the very real possibility that it could be cancelled. But that show's delivering stuff like the invasion, the mind robber and the war games. you know, some of the very best stories that they ever did. Like, yeah, it is disheartening to see a show that was once firing on all cylinders, kind of just churning out nonsense now, and assuming that people are going to consume it. Freiburger. It was a bad... It was a bad call, but in that seat, wasn't it? Well, anytime it happens. Yeah that's right. But because I think what he wants is monsters and cheap action and stuff. I think, you know, and he must have had some kind of brief to reduce the budget as well because everything just looks much crappier than it has in the life. You know, those people that are celebrating the death of Star Trek Academy. Is it Star Trek that they want? Yeah, this is what they want. Monsters making Abraham Lincoln and Genghis Khan fight against each other on a panto set. Bring back the Excalbians. Woosh, we go and watch them. I think we should. All right. I will count it in. Five, four, three, two, one, and we're off. Here we go. So we have a thrilling new planet in the original. It's just the red planet that they're always going around. But this is a thrilling lava planet. Oh, God, Shatner looks so bored. You wait, you wait until the last suit. He's got a wry smile on his face as he's delivering that terrible dialogue. Yeah, yeah. So he doesn't know it's being cancelled, apparently. As late as this. Yeah, as late as this, I think they may be actually shooting turnabout intruder when they discover that they're not making next week's episode. So no one knows at this point that it's over. Nemoy, Nemoy's interviewed. got captain's logs, which I was flicking through the other day, and in a lot of these season 3 episodes, he said he was just so embarrassed. He was so embarrassed by the quality of what they were doing and the things he was being asked to do in half of these episodes. Yeah, I mean, look at, like, look at, say the devil in the dark right? Where he has to unmode over a duvet. Do you know what I mean? There are ridiculous things happening there. But people's hair. It means something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Like I've said before, I maintain that Star Trek doesn't fail when it's ridiculous because it's frequently ridiculous to great effect. You know, that works really well. In a sense, it's often what they're aiming for. But here, what are they aiming for? They're just aiming for reaching the closing credits along. How is McCoy doing it? He walks in and he goes, for God's sakes, what are these poppycock orders that they're having us do? And then he stands there sort of looking really pissed off. You're the fucking doctor. Just go and mend somebody's neat. Train a patient. Why? Oh, here we go. It comes so brown, Lincoln. Now this is awesome. Now this is a new effect, isn't it? The sort of the halo effects. Yes, yeah. And I think probably the Starfield is new too. Look at the reaction shots of everybody like, oh, my God. it be? Captain Kirk, I believe. So I think that this is quite a charming performance. And I do like the idea that he's here. And I also like, I think the conflict about the way that Kirk treats him is dumb and just conflict for the sake of conflict, but I do think it's interesting that Kirk Knott, for a 2nd, doesn't believe for a 2nd that this is actually Abraham Lincoln, but knows that he believes that he's Abraham Lincoln and so just goes along with it. I know, but it makes that. seems so odd where he goes, I feel as if I really met him, you know? And now I know... Everything, you know, how bad it was when he died in real life. What are you talking about? After Spock just said, they pulled him out of our brains, you know is a version of him. Only you think of. But like, do you remember when Samuel Clements was brought on board TNG in Times Arrow? right? Yeah, yeah. Well, they didn't beam him down to a planet and have him fight in Genghis Khan. No, they had him walking around the ship, looking at the future and going, my God, maybe things are better now, you know, maybe we were doing things wrong. And there's an awareness of what Samuel Clements was about, I think. And there is a little bit of an awareness here. In that interaction between him and Ahura, which is very dated and obviously uses what we would regard as sort of unfortunate language, but... I mean, I like the fact she owns it. She just goes... But, but, you know, like Lincoln, you know, is most famous for being the president during the Civil War, you know, and and fighting on the, you know, against the slavers of the South. You know, so I thought that that, and you know, this is in the middle of the civil rights era. So I think that like Kirk's regard for Lincoln and Nechelle, like Ahura's regard for him as well, works, you know, and is very timely. It's the 1st 10 minutes though, isn't it? Yeah, that's right. That's right. Also, the other thing that I think is bad is the makeup job, like they can't just say this is an actor, we'll put a beard on him and that'll make him look like Lincoln. So they have to give him this sort of false lip. You know, like the lower lip has to be sort of palty and produced because he looks like that in the photos and they have to give him and it just looks terrible. Like, it looks as bad as the Klingon maker. I don't think they've put enough slap on Shatner. I think he looks quite tired. It's the end of the season, I suppose. The only person who doesn't is in the shower, who always looks beautiful. Can I also write? This, this, um, this turd creature, the ex-scalpion, whatever he's called. If you sort of pulling these things out of their minds, yeah. and sort of making them real so then he can fight, you know, have them fight against each other down on the planet, yeah? Well, why doesn't he just have Abraham Lincoln appear on the ship? Why does he have him flying through space? Well, he wants a good cliffhanger going into the opening credits, I think, is probably. You did message me and say, yeah, the ex-Calpians realise there was 5 minutes left at the end of the episode and went, well, that's it. I suppose that's the end of this. Ah, I do like that new effect of the planetary surface. It reminds me a bit of the survivors, you know, where they had that one patch of the planet. Yeah, yeah, on that sort of devastated landscape. The, I mean, there is something in arena, the crew of the Enterprise are watching the episode that we're watching. Remember, they're watching it on telly, and they're watching it here too. And there's some talk about how other ex-calbians are watching this. And our ex-calbion, Yarnex, says something about, and like he calls this a drama, like he's staging a drama for the ex-calbians to watch, and there's a moral message, you know, who is which is stronger, good or evil. So there's a way in which this is setting itself up, like the, the the Excalbians are staging this as a TV program to teach them anywhere. an audience. No. Do we maybe need to cut to a couple of turd monsters watching this on their tellies? Yeah, eating popcorn. But I don't want to know what circuses. Well, do you remember bread and circuses, which was much cleverer than that because it had TV cameras and stuff. But there is something better about having them stage it as a TV show with a moral message. But it does kind of... I think you got... wink a bit more of the audience to get that across, though. It has a low opinion of the audience. Do you know what I mean? Because, like, do we decide that good is better than bad because good wins. Like that's kind of the message, you know? Like, it's, people, one of the reasons that I hated Rise of Skywalker is that Ray beats Palpatine because she has better force lightning than he does. You know, there's, whereas, um, Luke beats Palpatine, because he throws his lightsaber away and refuses to fight, and he takes a moral stand. Two very different creatives there, isn't it? That's right. Yeah, that's right. But, but good doesn't, shouldn't win because it shouldn't shouldn't win because it's stronger. It should win because it's good. And it's not just the fact that the good guys are standing at the end. that means that good is better than evil. It's that good is better than evil. The good guys are better than the bad guys. Yeah, dramatically right, and a better version. this episode. I mean I would absolutely love it. If it was, you know, properly, we were seeing the TV show being beamed to the Excalpions. I'd love for the director, you know, our Excalpion Yarnick to go oh, my God. the show's ending in 5 minutes. Can we wrap this up, please? Come on. Yeah. We need to cut to the adverts soon. I mean, did you hear Scotty as well? He's like, what the hell am I doing here in my dress uniform? Like, when did these people become so fucking opinionated? There was a time in series one, you know, you bring on a court martial. Have you even looked at Kirk in the wrong way? Yeah. Oh, God, that eye makeup. Like the makeup is so bad, isn't it? I think it looks like he's got a skin disease. Giving Scotty that. more dominant role in season 3 was a mistake. He works much better as comic relief, doesn't he? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, since I am here and you can touch me and scan me. But he's charming, isn't he? Like, he's quite charming and I really like Kirk's reaction as well. Kirk is actually kind of a bit smitten with him. So his name is Lee Berger, but I don't know anything about him. I feel like he should have had a career after this, he could do anything. He costarred with James Cromwell on something. He was in Falcon Crest, Perry Mason, the Adams family. He's a that guy. just everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, he was in North and South. Oh, with Jonathan Frakes. Who's the guy at the backu of the gun? You know, the security officer. Yeah, yeah. He gets a name. He gets introduced to Abraham Lincoln. are we supposed to know him? He's wearing red, so I'm assuming this isn't going to wear well for him. No, he survives the episode, I think. Scotty, we're in a kill. I love that, though. That's awesome. That's the nice thing about it. Do you prefer the dress uniforms from TOS, sort of zip up ones, or do you prefer the ones from 90s trek, you know, where they were all sort of wearing skirts? So they do tone the skirts down a bit after season one of TNG don't they? But, like, they're really quite long in season one of TNG, and they're kind of terrible. Yeah, I like the I like the white ones that they wear at the wedding in nemesis, you know, like the late ones. That's a sexy shot, the planet there. Did you see you could see all the sort of crust of the planet glowing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not original Fabulous. They put they put a lot of effort into making it. I mean do you remember some of these prints back in the day? I mean, it's so sharp now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were really poor. Some of them were in really bad condition. really remember that. So is that all he has to do, just turn up and be a bit charming and then everyone will believe you're Abraham Lincoln? Yeah, well, no one believes that it's Abraham Lincoln, though. and that's the thing. No one's taken in. Like, people don't think he's Abraham Laken. And generally is known for flying through space in a chair, you know? That's right. But all of this stuff is actually quite fun. You know, like, I think that it is a little bit like, it's like a pointless version. on the consoles. So one of them is the guy on the left is called Hadley, and he's in a bunch of episodes, including Mirror, Mirror, like he's in a few episodes, and he has a name. Here we go. Oh, forgive me, my dear. let's not say the word. Yeah, let's not say the word, but, but there, and like it's a word he's, you know, he's from a period when the word was used, Sherlock like a Conan Doyle uses the word inner Sherlock Holmes as a story. It's the normal word. But she's so charming. Precisely how Samuel Chemist is used in Times Arrow to explain, no things aren't like that anymore. We're better. You know, we're more. Yeah, this is what the episode should have been. That's right. Because Clemence is also politically progressive. Do you know what I mean? and tries not to be racist. I mean, Huckleberry Finn is still problematic, racially speaking but he's sort of on the side of angels, you know, in a way, you know, like he's suspicious of religion, he fits into that kind of that Star Trek kind of ethos, that humanist ethos. So they understand Clements in a way. And, you know, Lincoln's a little bit more obvious a character. It's much funnier, probably, from Jerry Harvey. Of course, as well. You're telling me the things aren't like that anymore. Okay, that's right. You're right about the makeup, the foundation around his eyes. Oh, bad. Around his eyes. different colour to the rest of his face. But I think that's ageing makeup that they have under his eyes. Like, I think that it's really quite shockingly bad. Yeah, why do that? Like maybe give him the mould. Do you know what I mean? don't have to do anything else. Like, you know, there's no, it's not Abraham Lincoln, all of the people at home know that Abraham Lincoln's long dead. The fuck was he doing that? It was just walking up and down in a sort of 2 metre square. Oh, he has been there for 2 hours, apparently. Oh, okay, right. Walking up and down. Yeah. And they have an invented site to site transport or those personal transporters like they have in discovery where he could just pop down to lunch and then sort of turn up again immediately. Or that direction engineer. That's great. I love it. Spock is the only person that comes out is with any dignity at all. Well, and Kirk, I think, does too. I think, you know, Kirk, isn't? Well, I mean, no, but it's just a way that the seriousness he takes the stuff on the planet is, it achieves a kitch grandeur, I think. Yeah, well, I'm not sure about great. Oh, but this is, you know, you know when Jama says like, oh, TOS episodes are about, oh, not a jammer. No, it's Scotland penalty, remember? He's right. I think we probably should be down on the planet by now. But we're 15 minutes in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are 15 minutes. Look, I think this is probably half an hour too long. Like, I think there's probably enough here. like for a anime series episode. Like, this is charming enough, but it is marking time. And the conflict that is central to it. Like, why is Kirk treating him as if he's Abraham Lincoln when he clearly isn't, is just dumb. Like, you know, he's the captain, shut up and is he doing any harm? No. So what's the problem? Abraham Lincoln has always been a personal hero of yours. Since when? Never been mentioned before. He's also a big fan of 20th century trucks as well. Okay, many people know that. Well, it's on Paris then, wouldn't he? Does he like cartoons? He does. Yep, yep. B movies. Look, now, they're having a protracted conversation as to whether to beam down on our. We know you're going down there. Just get on with that. Just came down. Can we just do it? What do you imagine all those little badges are? You know, they've got on their dress uniform. And merits for their medals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit 5 years long. That's a sort of stitching I did when I was 5 years old, though you know? It's, yeah, yeah. I don't think it was intended to be seen on quite so good screen. In high definition would be like, yes. They never imagined this would be a high death. I mean, the fact that we get to see the Pooh monster in HD is just delightful. And like, I think it's like, it's a terrible design and it looks like a poo and what were they thinking? No, but it's weird. I like weird. Yeah, yeah, weird as well. It's sort of almost, isn't it? You know? That's all weird. It is like armus. It's less weird than Armas because Armas is liquid. Do you know what I mean? Like it's kind of liquid. of evil. Yeah, yeah. I mean, but the gone, you know, like the gone is so much better than this, even though it's a rubber lizard wearing a cocktail dress. Well done. We'll boom down immediately. That took him 5 minutes. That's not immediately. Like immediately now that we've had this long conversation. Oh, dear. Now watch out, Abraham. You may end up with a spear on your back if you go down there okay? Oh my god. Oh, I can't wait till we see the fights together. I mean, they're terrible, aren't they? They're so bad. What if they beam into a pool of lava? I swear we don't see any lava, do we? No, no, because they're on that big area of the planet, which doesn't have water on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they've they've terraformed it so that it looks like the set or paramount. I think Roddenberry's starting point for this was wouldn't it be cool if Abraham Linton beamed on to the Enterprise. Oh yeah, yeah. And turns out, yes, it would be cool. That's it. Did you see that dramatic zoom in on the equipment? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's one of those things. But it's a still and they've zoomed in on the still. you know what I mean? Like they haven't actually zoomed the camera. And they do that a little bit. Look at that Mandarin sky, isn't it? beautiful. Ah, beautiful. What weather we having? Fuck Kurtzman Trek. I mean, I just believe I'm on an alien planet. Yes, yes, exactly. It looks just like all the others, though, weirdly enough. The same rocks and everything. Exactly the same. It's like stock cave set number one. You know. What's the last year, Wes, we did Arena. Was that the last US we did? Oh, I can't remember. It might have been. Might have been. that location. We do get that. You know, when he was growing up on all of those rocks with that enormous polystyrene rock, he was going to throw on the... So good. It had scaled, didn't it? They could do long shots and they could shoot up at the sky and it was so impressive. Well, you said at the beginning. Do you know what I mean? The set that was left over from something, some film production and they're shooting on that, remember? At the beginning of Arena. Amazing. Who's the, um, I, sorry, I may have drifted away from the episode a little bit. So help me out here. Who's the sort of witch that appears in this episode? So her name is Zora. Zora. Yeah, same name as the Discovery computer. Oh, look, here's Surak or Surak, depending on who you are on what point of the episode we're in. And this is him appearing for the 1st time. He will obviously become very important. We will see him in enterprise, won't we? And in various other things, like his proper canon. Yeah, yeah. Look at Georgia. He's been left in charge of the Enterprise, Sulu, and he's taken every 2nd he can for being in that chair. Oh no, here comes Scotty. No, don't put Jimmy in the chair. Get out the chair. Ive got a better com over than you. He's McCoy I'm always drawn to Michelle, though. Gosh, he's stunning. She's got great hair this episode. No, this season, I think... season 3, yeah. Yeah. It is not logical. It is wearing a lovely dress. That you are sirak. Yes, very. You can do that, can't you? Oh, the makeup on Lincoln's even worse down on the planet. Oh, yeah, I can do the spot salute. Oh, hang on. Okay we go. Well, no, sorry. Eventually. After a couple of goes. Who would we see then, Nathan? If it was us down on this planet? Who would be your great hero? Oh, I don't know. Who would be my great hero? We come down to the planet to be Tom Baker.. Nowadays, Jesus Christ. Yeah, poor old Tom. At least he's still with us. Yeah, it's very period dress, isn't it, that Surak is wearing. So Surak is in, is he in or is it's his Kartra in that enterprise episode that we did, I can't even remember. Do we actually meet him? you honestly expect me to remember Enterprise episodes? Now I'll never forget this. This is a pretty good one. Look at how he starts as a rock and then unfolds himself. Yeah. I love his little claws. I like his sort of overhanging belly as well. I do empathise, yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm like when I'm getting up in the morning. Oh, my God. Our world is called Excalbion. There you go. Excalpions from Excalpia, is it? It is used in dialogue. Well, the Romulans are from Romulus. makes sense. No, I understand that they've made him smoke to make it more visually interesting. I mean, it's quite interesting already. But because he does look like something that has... Thank you. was trying to be diplomatic. Why is that? Adding the smoke. Adding the smoke is just, well, the finishing touch, isn't it? Maybe the actor is actually allowed to smoke in the costume. You know, you know how in Doctor Who, the actors used to hide in the Dalek shells, because you weren't allowed to smoke in the studio, so you could smoke in the Dalek shells be unseen. That does look like the actor's smoking in there, doesn't it? He's got 5 fabulous eyes that glow every time he talks. So I think the idea was that he was going to be an insect monster of some kind, but we couldn't have afforded that. Is that Genghis Khan? Of the 4 evil people, 2 of them are in blackface. Genghis Khan, Genghis Khan is like Asian, clearly, but he's painted much darker. You can see that there. Colonel Green would come back to him in a minute. She is, I don't know, what the hell is this? Somewhat of tiger. Yeah, she needs... a good night's sleep. And this is Kayless. Nobody has good mate Kayla. Look at look at the Excalpion. Oh, he's going. Oh, that Kayless, that's Kayless, right? From Sword of K-S from Forgotten Air or whatever, rightfully. that what it's called? Yeah. So that's Kayles. But he's a white guy in blackface, right? Because he's he's he's in other Star Trek episodes. And I think he's a body double for the original pike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So they're all blacked up to look evil, right? where we have some nice white people over here. Green, who is a bit swarthy, but not blacked up, is actually, so Colonel Green, who leads a genocidal war in the, I think the early 21st century, in, we've actually seen him before, because in demons, which is the 3rd last episode of Enterprise, Paul Weller's character is watching a recording of Colonel Green, played by someone different. Ah, giving a speech after the 3rd 3rd World War, saying that we can't tolerate mutants and genetically impure people. and he's giving that speech on... When Enterprise does kiss his sort of pass. It's never as fun as Kersman Trek, is it? It's sort of boring, actually. That's right. That's so boring. Did you see what the Excalpion said, there he goes. you know, the confrontation of 2 opposing philosophies. Good and evil. Why are we doing? It's so complex. And we're going to boil it down to blacks versus whites on this dreadful studio backdrop. Thank you very much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is, I mean, I think it is making fun of itself as a TV show. Do you know what I mean? Because the good people will win at the end because being good is good and the characters that we like to watch on telly are good and they're going to be in it next week. So they'll survive. you know what I mean? Like, it's as complex as that. And if it was commenting on telly and how kind of shit it was. Yeah, I could get behind doing that. Well, I mean, this is doing quite a good job of demonstrating how shit can be. Like... But it is almost having some aspiration to actually do that deliberately. Oh, I mean, if they'd made that really apparent, I would have given this 5 stars. Yeah, yeah, but it's too boring and stupid. Like it's it's only kind of vaguely hinted at. Look at these people Oh, good and evil. is strange to them. Oh, thank you, Spock. Oh, yeah, yeah. I love watch telly. Look at her hands on hips. straight from the latest panto. Oh my god. Lincoln's makeup is so hideous. It's so bad, isn't it? It's really, really, very bad. Are they sort of shining an orange light on here as well to suggest there's a sort of dawn light on the planet. Or is it like, because it's a lava planet. Ah, yeah. So the other thing, and I don't know how true this is, but memory alpha suggests that the outfit that Colonel Green is wearing is redressed and made up to be the outfit that, um, Robin Williams wears as more, uh, in Mork and Mindy. They put, you know, they put the silver triangle, the upside down silver triangle on the front of it and stuff. But it seems to have the same collar and stuff. Oh, nice. I bloody love Malcolm Mindy when I was younger. Oh, are we doing a podcast about that? Every episode was at least entertaining. I'd love to see... a random collection of characters. That's right. All just standing around incredibly undramatically looking Super Bowl. But this is where just throwing in sort of disparate elements isn't fun. You know? Because you haven't given something to do. Now what do we do? Well, what we're going to do is we get them to limply throw spears at one another in a boring way. And now we're watching him on telling... Well, we watching that on the screen as well. as a TV show. I think we were. I don't think the people on the Enterprise were, were they? Like, I think that that's an arena that introduces that as an idea. I don't know. and listen to our unstyled Star Trek. I won't watch the episode But I'll go back and listen to it and say, I'm sure we'll comment. I don't think that's a terrible episode either, like Bread and Circuses. Like, it's not... No, I think that whole idea of it being a TV show was obviously more explicit because you saw the cameras. Yeah, but I think we did cut to people watching it so we could see people's reactions. Whereas, I mean, here. What the fuck is going on here? Fuck, man, stop wrestling with that poor woman. She needs a good night's sleep. leave her alone. I like to think, you know, that there's a small subset of Star Trek fans that turn up at their conventions dressed as scalpions. You know, they sort of waddle in with the claws in a big doodle. Can I tell you a very funny story that I heard William Shatner? William Shatner say on an interview I was watching this week. He was going, so it was after Star Trek, and he was at a funfair with his kids, and this big muscly bloke started giving them grief and he had 2 mates with him, and he thought to himself, this is probably all a lie, but it's a great story. He thought, no way. I can still remember all the stunts from Star Trek. I could take them, apparently, grab the bar and try to do that kick he just did there, you know, where you sort of throw them away from you. Wait, but he face palmed in front of them both and embarrassed himself so much that they all just went, oh, you're right. Well... Actually, maybe that is fun. I just love the idea of him doing kirk style stunts at a fun thing. Oh, say, did you see Shatner gave him a little like a push? Don't way. you're mean. Well, to the Excalpion. Yeah, well, you don't want to touch somebody made out of lava. No, I know. Don't wash your hands. Oh, I thought it made up of poo. Like, I wash your hands. The more I look at it, the more I like it, actually, that monster. So it was going to be, did I say it was going to be an insectoid which kind of works with the extra eyes, like a, like a spider and the little claw thing, like that. Yeah. Why did they go for poo? instead then. Cheaper. Oh, fair. I think, you know, like that. I want to hear the conversation between the special effects team as they're putting that together. So what is it we're going for? What sort of molten lava with arms and claws? We want a sort of spinning head with lights and it can smoke, you know? Why isn't it orange is the problem? Why is it brown? That's the problem. Who's orange? devil in the dog. It had all sort of orange seams running through it, didn't it? Like it was lava. Yeah, yeah, like it was wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. swim through rock. Yeah. Oh, I feel so sorry for everyone on the ship. They've just got nothing to do, but stand around. Yeah, yeah. They're not even getting to watch the telly all that much. Oh my god, this is so bad. And again, like the stakes are just so pretend, you know, like, oh we'll blow the ship up unless you play our game. Is that cool enough to fight? Come on now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. says Captain Kirk, really. And then so Kirk says, yeah, you know, like I can't let all these people die, blah, blah, blah. Oh, they're trying to add, you know, disengaged on the sales, you know, would be marooned in space. So you could always separate the Nacelles. like discovery where the Nasselles are just sort of travelling along near the ship, you know, like in the 32nd century. Why is it these godlike aliens, yeah, X scalpions and people like that? They always seem to have powers. that allow us to just make the episode last sort of 10, 15 minutes longer all the time. Your communications equipment no longer works because I say so Captain Kirk, you know? Okay. You couldn't beam your stuff over. It looks like the Shellyac. Do you remember the Shelliac? Who are they? It's in series two. They're sort of aliens that look like a big black shape in a black sequined ball gown. Sounds marvellous. semi-darkness. The Shelleyac corporate. I can't even it's season two, I think. I don't know what it is, but they're intransigent aliens of some kind. You know, obviously, I would never, ever advocate for blackface. If you are going to do it, you need to do it better than that. Various parts of his face are various shades of dark, aren't they? It's just so slap down. Why have they done that? I mean, like they give darker skin, don't they, to some of the Klingons. They want to make the Clons look foreign and they want to make the alien races racialized. Do you know what I mean? They want to give them human racial characteristics. I mean, I think, I think because they racialize data because they see data, you know, as possibly being someone who could be on the receiving end of racism in the 24th century, and so they give him different skin colour and eye colour. Do you know what I mean? like to make it like a race. And so they're doing that with the Klingons, but like, is it because this is the most evil of the Klingons. Trouble of triples. They sort of orange in now, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't really settle on a look. I mean, I know we moan about the pasties on their forehead in 90s trek, but at least they all had a look. It was uniform. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's this sort of forest glade that we've come to now on the lava planet. There's just a few potted plants about the place. Well, no, they had that. They did have that. Sometimes they wheel in the aspadistras from the production office and dot them around the scene. Can't we have lush, aggressive vegetation in there, shit? Oh my god. I'm just dying of boredom here at this point. Where are we? How long have we got? I don't think so. So that'd be loads of fights, but nothing's happened for 15 minutes. No, they're all standing around. They're all standing around. Like, again, we're just sort of talking and talking. So Surak or Surak, like this is all important backstory that we didn't know or did we know? Like, I don't know. Like, it is kind of interesting. It comes in very late and doesn't really get picked up up on properly until later, but the idea that the Vulcans were really passionate and just learn to rein it in and that Vulcans aren't emotionless. They're controlled. And the reason they are is because Surak's philosophy came and taught them logic and taught them to control their emotions and that makes them more interesting. Okay, important to the story? Is that where we're going to land at the end if we use logic, then we won't succumb to our, you know, animalistic tendencies. No, and it's really boring, and then, and then like, I don't know like Surak goes off and gets himself killed or whatever, and Spot goes, oh, well... That's the best scene in the whole episode. No, he says... He knew what he was getting into. Yeah, bless him. Yeah, but is there something here? Because we're having a conversation between like what we should do and like the thing that separated Kirk from the Gorn in arena was that he wasn't desperate to kill the Gorn necessarily. And like he does fight to disable him and stuff like that, but he doesn't he doesn't do the killing blow. You know, when he's given the chance to kill him, he refuses. Um, whereas here, he is happy to kind of kill because the ship's at stake. But there's on the good side, there's some sort of conversation about whether that's the right course of action. And then we are going to get the ex-calpion saying, good and evil are the same, turns out, but then we're just all going to, like... He did just suggest that. He said, well, maybe it's our working towards peace that's being tested. So he's made a suggestion of what the episode might be about, but actually, and then it immediately cuts to a shot of the turdballster going, hmm, no. Maybe that is what this is about. Oh, God like that, Klingon. Look at him. That's all I'm trying to make defences, but they've got this pokey corner of the studio and a few sticks. Yeah, yeah. But they haven't learned too that like a spear can't be just sort of tossed gently onto the set because it looks really shit. Like, you've really got to hurt her. Oh, dear OT. She looks like she's come straight out of Hansel and Krow, that woman, doesn't she? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a witch. Do you know what I mean? Like, she's not a bat. She's not a fighter. She kills people with poison, which is also a very, you know traditionally female way of killing people, whereas it would have been more interesting if she'd been a warrior. Who are the real people on the planet? Just Kirk and Spock? Yes. And everybody else is just a figment of imagination. yeah? Yeah, I don't know where Zora and Kayles come from, though. Do you know what I mean? made out of then. They're made out of X-Calpions. Oh, they are ex-scalpions. in the shape of serac and all the rest. I think so. Right. Right. Okay. What, made to think that they genuinely are those people, because they were just having conversations, if they genuinely were those people. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, Gene, you didn't think this one through, did you? No one's thinking it through. No wonder he ended up in that corner office, you know, with nothing to do. Yeah, I have to say that I would soon have the conversation about Surax, philosophy and Vulcan history, then the conversation about are they really, you know, who they think they are, which is super boring. You might think at this point, that Star Trek has sort of run out of ideas, right? That like we, maybe we covered the, the gamut of what this show can do creatively. What's astonishing is. It's gone on for another 60 years and all of those different shows that have shown all of those different sides. So I think the lesson to be learnt, really, is they just weren't trying hard enough here. Yeah, or it might be a Freiburger problem, I think, and it might be a production team problem as well. Well, when, what about Day of the Dove? What about the one in the western town, the stuff that peaks through that is actually competent and watchable. Yeah, Spectre of the Ghani series 3, and it's great, you know, and it is also like weird aliens pitting them against each other. Do you know what I mean? In a fake world? That season three, isn't it? Yep, yep. I think so. Yeah, so like there's a lot of decent stuff here. And I think even like even turnabout intruder, which is the final episode, which is a horrific reactionary episode about how terrible women are and how they should return to the kitchen and stop trying to do proper people's jobs. Like an awful, you know, episode. Did I ever acknowledge that in later tracks? No, no, they just... No, because Captain Giorgio is a decorated Starfleet captain 10 years before this, remember? So they just ignore it. Which is exactly what they should do. But even that episode is better. Do you know what I mean? than this, which is just retreading something that we've done a 100 times before only more boringly. I just think they think by putting these random elements together in this setting where they fight against each other, that's a good hour telly. That's a fun hour, telly, but it's just, I mean, because there's no laughs in it either. Everyone's making this absurd situation so seriously. Yeah, yeah. Where's Shatner's sort of laconic smile of like, oh, please, what's happening here? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I mean this. Oh, and so what, he's gonna go? Who's gonna go? Like, like, um, Spock's not going to go. Kirk is because Kirk cares and Spock's kind of going, oh, yeah he's not even real. And so I don't care. I am not sensitive to it, Captain. Oh, because he's being tortured now, isn't he? Yeah, but he doesn't believe in Surak, though. Because he says that at Surak, you know, Vocal wouldn't scream like that. And he's right, you know, like it isn't Surak. I don't know. But Kirk knows he's not real. Why is he going to rescue him? He knows he's an ex scalpion. Yeah, no, what? Yeah, does he? I don't know. Whatever. If he doesn't play the game, I don't know. We're literally bleeding IQ points, the more we watch this. Oh, look at that makeup. Look at that fucking makeup. Like, they've blanked up his, like, it's old, isn't it? He does now look. Black. He looks like a Klingon. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's terrible. Look at that massive lip. I know. It's so bad Nobody has a bottom lip that big and a top lip that small. Yeah. You know, he does have that jutting bottom leap in the photos. Do you know what I mean? They're the big things is that mole on his cheek and the lip. But it's just like, just cast a fucking actor and get him to pretend to be. Like, it's not even Abraham Lincoln anybody. I can't let you risk it, Mr. President. I'm no longer the president. Let me go and get a spear in the back, okay? Yeah. I mean, you do call, you do call former presidents, Mr. President in the United States. Oh, with areas, if you don't stop calling them. Relax, every time I see the monster. He's reassuring presence. Well, he's left boring than the rest of it. I wish he sort of got up, though, and sort of waddled about a bit you know? Yeah, no, he can't. I wonder if they've ever interviewed at a convention, the man who played the Excalpion. Imagine the poor person inside that costume. So we think he's called Yanos Prohaska. Yanos. Absolutely, sir. He doesn't do the voice. He doesn't do the voice. Does he do anything else? He is. He is a monster in he's a monster in the cave. Oh my gosh. What is the monster in the cage? Anyway, he's a monster in the cage. He's like a giant chicken of some kind. Uh, yeah. To be fair, right, as ineptly executed as all this is. There was an attempt there. Look, to show some depth in the set. There's several relators to the set there. Yeah. I feel sorry for that. woman, she don't get a line, does she? No, but neither does um, there's, I don't think um, Finger gets a line, does he? There's um... Sorry, we can't afford to pay you for a line, so. No, no. They're just hurling polystarium rocks across the side. What is going on? That rock just bounced off the other, off the other polystrone rock. And then again, we're gently throwing spears at each other. God, it's a fight to the death, isn't it? It's so boring. What are we doing? Oh, my God. Zoom in on Surak dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, it's not a real zoom in too. It's like a post. It's like zooming in on a on a steel on a film still. So, man. Do you think drive over in his voice was like, I can see it. Just cut it together. It's fine. We're nearly done. Space 1999 series 2 and he thinks his stuff's great. I just imagine him. I imagine him being like Ed Wood in the film. Do you know what I mean? Oh, that's marvellous, you know, terrific. Well done, everyone. I like JNT when he saw the Merka. There's an obscure reference. Wow, wonderful. Terrific stuff. Oh, look at the lip there. Look at the lip. It's falling off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. Oh, never moan about Odo's makeup again. Oh, I will. I know you will. Turns out he's dead. Help me, Spock. Please. He was dead. I'm sure why we care. We don't. Clearly we don't. supposed to. We're going to rescue him, for God's sakes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Oh my god. God, shut up, throw the spear. Throw it at Kayla. I'm better than racist. Oh, is it the bit where Lincoln dies? Yes. No. Oh, no, gentlemen. I've got a problem There's a spear in my back. Okay. Will you ask me this? Who the fuck walks out of a clearing as if they're just, oh, go for a stroll and then face palms with a bloody spear in their back. He does put his hands out to protect himself as he does. I like to think that the ex-scalpion has a moment of sort of, you know, he understands drama, you know. If I've sort of walk out, and then I fall with the spear. as a good shock. Yeah, we would go right now. We're having a bit of a problem. a sense of occasion. A really boring brawl, though. Is it a music like... The music is pretty good as usual, I think. The one myself kind of admiring the music, but it isn't the amok time music, I'm afraid. What exactly? You know, um, Yarne Karak Scalpion. I just can't get over those names. Was he sort of getting from all of this ultimately? A TV show. He's producing a TV show for the other Excalibions to watch, I think. Yeah, it's this entertainment for them then. Yeah, yeah. Like it is for us, as you can see. I reckon there's Excalbion podcasts. Pocometry podcasts. That's right. podcast about other podcasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think of untitled Star Trek project? Five stars. So wait, what happened there? Who did he kill? The others just ran away. Oh, yeah. It's 5 minutes from the end of the episode. The others ran away. Apparently, what we've learned from evil is that evil people run away when they're cornered. You have failed to demonstrate any difference between your 2 philosophies. You both achieved the same results. Do you have an explanation? No, neither do you. Oh, well. Yeah. Okay, we're done then. Gestures very emphatically, doesn't he, Yarnack? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't understand any of this. Like, what's the point of this conversation now? Like, is this guy a bad person? No, what have we learned? How many people have you done this to? What gives you the right to hand out life and death? We need to know new things. He goes, oh, okay. You came in peace? Well, you can go in peace. Yeah, goodbye. So this is an absolute nothing conversation that's about nothing and he turns into a rock again, and then we go up, do we have a racist gag at Spock's expense before we... It'd be funny if we stayed with the Ex-Scalpion as he beamed off. He went back to his studio and he was like, right, did you get enough for an episode there? Okay, good. All right. It ain't a great episode. We've had better, but... By no means, covered together. It's just dismal. And this is just Jim. Shatner excited that the whole thing's over. Yeah, it's got a massive grid on his face. Everything's back to normal. War power's back. Yeah. We were never in any danger of any kind. No, everything happened. Everything's just reversed itself for no reason. What did we learn? Any explanation? he says to Mrs. Spark? Have you got anything for you? You only got conjecture, he says. Just conjecture. I think this episode was about rearranging molecules into whatever fashion they designed. There we go. That's great. We can do that too. So you're saying that the sort of representations were, as we perceive them, yes. And then what's so interesting. No. I feel as if I actually met Lincoln, you know. Yeah, I feel like it too, just watching this. Mostly his lower lip, though. In a sense, they were real in what, perhaps they weren't in the sense that they were on telly on NBC. So hard in March, 1969. So hard for me to watch him die again, you know? Did he watch him die the 1st time? everyone went through. He wasn't born. And then her account said, oh, sir, we're ready for the next episode now. All right, well, everybody will go. Bye. It doesn't come to any conclusions at all. No, nothing. No it's not about anything. Like, it's not about anything. Rotten berry, try harder. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. It really is just using up running time. It's just doing the thing that we've done over and over and over again. It's nothing. He even says as if, you know, he's put away a file. Well, continue to the next assignment. Let's go. The next episode. Off we go. That's quite a good final shot. It's a beautiful, yeah, but not the actual final shot. Not the original. No. Oh there he is. Fred Freiberg. Hi, Fred. Well, I did say I was going to talk to you very briefly about the differences of our Fred and Maurice Hurley from the Next Generation. Okay. Very divisive producers. The difference between the 2 of them is. I think Hurley genuinely looked at season one of the next generation and made changes of things that he thought didn't work. And I know like he took out gates and he brought in Diana Mulder. I mean, I think that was a savvy move, but a lot of people don't. But he didn't think she was working. He didn't think she was given good performances. So he said, right, let's replace her with somebody who we know is a good actor. You go to the child and suddenly there's a different look to the show. Do you know what I mean? They've added 10 forwards somewhere for everybody to relax in which was a great move. And the standard of the episodes are genuinely better. I know there's some bad ones, but there are some great episodes in series 2 as well. Measure of a Man. Um, Qhu, you know, some some really great songs. There's three. I like peak performance as well. Don't you like peak performance? Yeah. No, it's terrible. Wow. It's quite fun. Where was Freiburger comes in? Freitburger comes in and says, God, everything that made Star Trek great. I don't want to do any of that anymore. No, I don't think that's it. I think that he genuinely thinks that Star Trek is about omnipotent alien entities bringing you down to a planet and then torturing you until it's time for the episode to end. And it is a lot. But what he hasn't noticed about it is that it's normally better than this and certainly better than the other episodes where it happens in series 3 that there's just something unpleasant about watching it happen. Like I thought whom gods destroy. while it did have an exploding green woman in it. No, but we said in that as well, nothing happens. It's boring. We said the same thing in the empath. Nothing happens for long... Like, you need incident in television. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you need some kind of, like, people need to want something and they need to be proper obstacles. You don't just, it is just a series of aliens. And I know that that's where we start with the cage as well, isn't it? Where it's, you know, powerful aliens capturing us and making us play tricks and stuff. But like, it's just that too often. And here, they think that that's enough. There's nothing for us to learn here. This isn't about anything. It is just about filling in running time. And so it's glacially slow. And no one's really caring at this point. The fight scenes are terrible. It's just terribly boring, I think. Think of the last time the Freiburger doesn't touch the original series, Assignment Earth, that is packed full of incident. There's so much story going on. By the end of it, we're climbing up a fucking rocket with a cat on his back trying to stay. We're taking off. You know, like, and it's also charming and funny as well. Like, it's charming and funny. you know, those gorgeous sets. I think there's something very, very sad. about a show that delivered really good stuff on a regular basis, limping to a conclusion. And looking across the shows, I think Voyager ends up there in season seven, a lot of season 7 is pretty standard stuff. I think TNG certainly ends there where they just sort of realise they've got other shows to make and they're not delivering their best anymore. But I mean, I think the problem here is that when Star Trek fails because it's early, when Star Trek fails, it's just not making acceptable television. Like, I don't think the best episodes of series... I don't know. Well, though, but a magical brick. terrible. I love I love where there's a mask incident on board the Cerritos remember? And what's what is the character called? Like, Carol Freeman's, it's Mookie or something? So funny. The fact it's just a subline. I don't know even. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just in the beginning. But, like, at least it's trying to do something weird and it's do like, yes, I think probably that is kind of just... This is true, that'd be weird and memorable and all of that. Lincoln flying through space, all these rando characters fighting on a planet with a big poo monster is trying to be weird. It is, but it just ends up just being incredibly boring. And I don't think anything quite fails in the same way as Star Trek fails. And I think because when Star Trek fails, it's not making competent television at all. Like sometimes Star Trek makes bad television and sometimes it's sort of incompetent. Very often, the bad Star Trek episodes of like 90s trek are some of the most fun to watch, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm certain to talk about. Sure, sure. But I think this is, we've seen this so many times before, I think. I think I'll end on what I said I was going to start with, which is a grand statement about untitled Star Trek project itself. Had we rolled. The Savage Curtain as our 1st episode of Untitled Star Trek Project. Oh my god. I fear it may have been our last. We may have gone life too short. Fortunately, we rolled yesterday's Enterprise, and here we are, 100 and help me out. 85 episodes later. You know? I think that's about the right point that the savage curtain can turn up and we can still continue. All right, it's the end of the episode and it's time for us to work out where we're going next. It's my turn on the randomiser. I'm not trusting you with it at all this week, Joe. No, I think that's wise. Now, ordinarily, I would head straight to Star Trek Enterprise, but we desperately need something watchable. After that. So let's not do that. Let's choose from the 3 main 90s Star Trek scene. It still could be touch and go. Good, yeah, there's a high chance that it'll be something terrible. But let's see what we can do. So, I've got Star Trek, The Next Generation, Star Trek, Voyager. Oh, great. My favourite period. Come on. Ooh. This is not bad. Your random Star Trek Voyager episode is season five, episode six. Timeless. Oh, that's actually a very, very good episode of always. Yeah. All those things I complained about in the series finale done so much better. Yeah, the best Harry Kim episode by a country mile. And I just remember it being visually spectacular as well in a way that, you know, like enterprise is more ambitious than Voyager sometimes with its visuals, but I think that, you know, timeless is pretty stunningly great. Such a savvy move as well, because it ties into the premise of the show because they think they're going home because they found all of these wormholes and it's Harry that has done all the calculations and all the extra work. Because he so bad he wants to get home to his mummy. Yeah. And so he's responsible for the ship going under the ice and everyone dying, which makes that older Harry Kim, the best acting opportunity. I think Garrett Wang ever had. Can we can we stop this early? in our choosings? Well, look, I have to say that I feel like it's been a while since I've had control of the randomiser it hasn't really, but I'm prepared to stop here. Oh my god. Okay. Let's do it Yeah, I'm prepared to stop here. Let's do that I think, um, one, we need a big win for Voyager because we've done mostly terrible Voyager episodes lately. Series 5 is my favourite season of Voyager. I think that's when they're at their height, but this is a proper like event episode. When you're opening up on that scene in engineering. I can still see it. It's all in slow motion. There's sort of bunting and streaming going down in slow mode. Everyone's clapping. They're going home because they're going home. Yeah. It's massive. It's directed by Lavar as well. Okay, wild. Awesome. Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's do it for sure. You've been listening to entitled Star Trek Project with Joe Ford and Nathan Bottomley, where online at untitled Star Trek Project com where you can find subscription links and links to our social media accounts. Our podcast artwork is by Kayla Ciceran, and the theme was composed by Cameron Lahn. This episode was recorded on the 24th of March 2026 and released on the 27th of March. We'll see you next time for Star Trek Voyager, Timeless. That's a good choice. What mind if I got... I mean, if I, you know, that doesn't even mean anything, I'm gonna see what happens next. Dramatis persona. That's good. That was episode 31. We did that so long ago now. How does it feel that long ago, does it? So episode 31. So that is June 2022. Nearly 4 years ago. 22. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We talked about that clock. I was still a manager then for fuck's sake. Oh my goodness. I still had hope for the future. Stop. So we started recording in late 2021 and we had maybe 5 in the can by the time we released. So we recorded episode one on Tuesday the 21st of September 2021. But I don't know when we recorded ourselves rolling yesterday's Enterprise because we did that a week earlier. Yeah, but our 1st... Those, I think that what we just watched, those are the toughest ones to talk about. Yeah, because there's nothing thematic going on, there's no character journeys going on. There's no purpose to it. It's like, what do you talk about beyond literally what is on the screen? And like I had to, I had to, um, I had to make up. you know, like something for the thing to be about. He's what it could have been about, that wasn't. So who wants for Adonise, which is just another one where you've got a godlike entity kind of torturing them until the episode ends. Uh, I think it's my Roddenbury. So he seems to have one idea. No, it's Gene Coon. It's Gene Coon. Oh, it's got the glowing green hand. The great hand. Oh... I love a... Because it's Apollo. And he's really tall. But yeah, it's super weird. It's not very good. All right. Well, it won't take us back to see season 3 of TOS in a heart rate. After this. Yeah. We still got to do that. Ghastly one with the children. Oh god. The children shall lead. Oh, is that series three? Yeah. With that comedy actor in it, who's not what, he's a comedian. not an actor. And he just sort of comes in going, my children. I don't even know. Attack everybody on the Enterprise. Oh, it's just awful. It's he's huge. He's a big draw, but he ain't a good actor. Well, he certainly ain't in that.