The Outrageous Okona
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Series 2, Episode 4
Stardate: 42402.7
First broadcast on Monday 12 December 1988
Episode 201: The Outrageous Okona
Recorded on Tuesday 22 September 2026 · Download Episode 201: The Outrageous Okona (68.9 MB)
Transcript
Hey, Joe. Hi.
So, we are back on board the Enterprise D for season two, episode four, the outrageous O'Connor.
This is the 3rd episode we've done of season 2 after all this time, and the other 2 episodes are manhunt and up the long ladder, and I'm going to get you to rank them for me.
Oh, please.
Rank those three.
Well, I mean, okay.
So manhunt would be at the bottom by a country mile, right?
Yeah, that was just agonisingly bad.
Um, I think I put the outrageous O'Connor in the middle.
And I had quite a bit of fun with up the long ladder.
Mostly because of that terribly sexy woman, you know, oh, William, don't you find me attractive?
You know, that woman.
I thought she was fabulous.
Whereas this sort of sits in the middle of awfulness, but it does take the award of being the most stupidest episode of all three.
So I have to say that I agree with you.
That's how I would rank them too.
But manhunt and this have something in common, and I'm also thinking maybe there's another episode, the name of which I can't remember, you might be able to think of it.
It's the season 2 episode where we have no writers and so what we do is we get a guest star to come on board and have all of the actors react to that guest star and then we kind of run out the clock until the episode end.
That is season two, isn't it?
That is season two.
So Laxana in Manhunt is absolutely that.
They just rely on her to come on and do sort of like Xana things until it's time for closing credits.
This one with William O. Campbell coming on as O'Connor.
Again, we just get everyone reacting to them.
Something dumb happens and then it all ends.
And what's the one where Riker's father comes on board.
Oh, Christ.
I quite like that one because he's flirting outrageously with Pulaski because they used to fuck, didn't they?
So that's quite a fun.
No, I can't remember.
They played the Parisi Squares game, though.
It's quite near the end of the season, isn't it?
where we truly have run out of plots by that point.
Yeah, yeah.
And so so it's nothing.
And the weird thing about it is it seems to have been written by someone who has never observed human behaviour.
Is that fair?
I did note this whilst I was watching yes.
Except Councillor Troy, who's particularly observant of human behaviour in this episode, you know?
It's unbelievable, isn't it?
Like no one behaves like a normal person and it's not just their normal space people thing where they're from the 24th century and they have massive sticks up their butts and no one can relax because they're very serious.
It's just that they behave in ways that are completely inexplicable.
We have a B plot with data that doesn't resolve itself or go anywhere or make any decision about anything.
It just stops when the episode runs out.
You've got Whoopi Goldberg, who was a massive get for the show, who we should be eternally grateful, agreed to participate in our stupid franchise, and they're getting her delivering just the worst non-joke jokes that you have ever heard.
And I was just super embarrassed for her because she's a funny person who was famous for being funny in films at the time and she comes on and she's just utterly po-faced and is delivering dialogue written by people who don't understand what a joke is despite having at some point looked it up in a dictionary.
And God, she saw Nichelle back in the day when she was a kid.
You know, fabulous story of her going, mom, black woman on the TV, and she ain't a maid.
You know, I forgot that happened, you know, like, otherwise, you never would have looked at this script and gone, oh, please, sign me up, you know.
I mean, yeah, that's a plot.
I mean, it's a comedy subplot about comedy, which in no way manages to be funny or instruct you about comedy.
It's bafflingly like bereft of any humour.
Yeah, it's really strange.
It's extremely strange.
And, and, you know, like presumably these people have laughed and they've seen stand-up comedians.
Like, I don't know why Joe Piscopo comes on this show after being on Saturday Night Live forever and kind of thinks that this is in any way acceptable.
Why isn't he phoney his agent and asking to get out of it?
Why didn't he rewrite the script?
He could have said, oh, can make this funny for you?
You know?
Terrible writers.
Like, okay, now I will say there's one big plus in this episode, yeah?
And that's William Campbell.
I think he is really relaxed.
He's the only character that comes into this entire episode that doesn't feel like a weird fusion of robotic functions.
And he said, bar, Jesus Christ, we're back in, where are we?
87, 88.
Sexual politics are in a very different sort of a place.
When he emerges from the transport beam and starts chatting up from desperate housewives, Terry Hatcher on the console.
And Riker's just sitting there going, oh, what a charming rogie is, you know, sexually exploiting the transporter woman over there.
And then when they walk out.
What's the line he has?
It was unbelievably sexist.
Well, we get there, I'll say it.
And then he goes straight to her quarters and fucks her.
And then he goes and fucks somebody else and Picard goes, well, I have no objections to you socialising with my crew.
I thought, what is happening?
This bloating fun palace in the sky.
But, I mean, that's horny rod and bree tree, isn't it?
It's just dismal though.
Isn't it embarrassing to watch?
I mean, they even put in the Saxe porn music at one point. when he comes to...
I thought, bloody hell, we truly are in the lay 80s.
But worst of all is the what you'd laughably call a plot in this thing.
All of the people that have settles to score with the outrageous O'Connor for the dreadful things that he's done to women and jewels. and how that plot is resolved is the most signposted twist I have ever seen in a Star Trek episode.
I was just waiting for all of these dull hours to catch up with me.
Oh, it's just weird.
It's so desperately low effort isn't it?
And it's so low effort.
I mean, we just spend a lot of time, again, just marking time, using up running time so that we have an episode at the end of this process to put on TV despite the writer's strike.
So we're really just kind of marking time.
And then we get this plot, which is so basic and so kind of rudimentary and is resolved in such a boring way and is acted by such horrifically kind of untalented people.
Oh boy.
The woman.
I can't remember the woman's name, but she is something else.
Has anyone thought to ask me what I think about this situation?
Yeah, so that's Rosalind Allen who has gone on to have a massive career.
So that's a thing and her little boyfriend in it goes on to be in an episode of Enterprise season one called Fortunate Sun.
So I don't know anything about that.
Move over, Gene Simmons.
We've got a new MVP of DNG in this pair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I believe the pair of them were in a relationship at the end of this, that great reveal, you know?
He was the father of the child.
Amazing stuff.
It's most odd that they both turn up at the same time.
The 2 parts of this plot that make no sense without each other.
If they didn't turn up exactly the same time with complaints about O'Connor, this plot couldn't play out.
We wouldn't have an episode, would we?
And that's why they do.
I will have intense fun taking the Mickey out of all of the terrible TNG crew.
I mean, it's really bad.
Stiff.
I've seen them before, but they were, what did Troy say in encounter a Far Point?
He's frozen.
I mean, they just... there's nothing happening.
There's a wonderful moment where I kind of walks into a room and he's sort of slouching and everyone else is standing really rigid.
Poor Patrick Stewart.
He just doesn't have a clue at this point, does he?
No, no.
So the guest star who plays O'Connor is, as you said, William O'Campbell, although generally he's now called Billy Campbell, and he auditioned for Riker, and he was the runner-up.
He was the runner-up.
He lost to Jonathan Frey.
I love Frakes, but he is cuter than Frakes.
I think I wouldn't even for eggs.
Yeah, I wouldn't have objected.
Maybe the thing is, he's a bit young, so he's like Frank's is 36 when this episode goes out and he's 29 and he is very babyfaced.
He's very very pretty.
And he was in Tales of the City.
I don't know if you remember.
He was Michael's hot doctor boyfriend, who is he's just beautiful.
He's such a pretty man.
He was in, right, a show that I'd long forgotten, but back in the misty dawns, about this time, I think it was, with Ali Walker called Moon over Miami.
It only ran for like 9 episodes and it was this detective base and they were like the moonlighting couple, him and Alex.
It was fabulous.
I mean, it had a terrible jazz score runner.
That sounded like a porn movie as well, what is?
But he was wonderful and he had a great sort of co-lead and their chemistry.
It was like moonlighting in how they interacted with each other.
I think he's a good actor.
I just think he's wandered into, well, this...
But he is probably the best thing about it.
Fucking my, undoubtedly.
You go rude to any review of this.
They'll say he's the biggest problem in this episode.
Really?
Go reach others.
I mean, Jesus Christ, he thinks he thinks the character of O'Connor is the problem in this episode.
He thinks the character of the comedian.
You know, unlike the very serious, wonderful TNG crew, you know, just going about their business.
Like absolute Martians this week.
Will you just say the quote, I know you want to.
The quote from online that you saw last week.
Yeah.
So, so, I'd just been watching some strange new worlds and really enjoying them and is this what you want?
Yes.
Oh, yes.
Yes, it's very relevant to this episode.
So this is one of the commenters on Jammer's Review side.
I wish we had a new trek show in which serious, intelligent, far future scientists, explorers, and diplomats work on a realistic, well-run space vessel and face thought-provoking, unique and intelligently written problems or situation?
I mean, this is not sweetheart.
This did not provide us that?
I mean, once this episode.
Seriously wrong.
I mean, Riker was encouraging sexual harassment.
For God's sake.
It's so bad.
So funny.
What did GNT say?
The memory cheats.
I think it does.
Memory cheats.
I regret does.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, I'm sure if you watch this when you were 10, you thought it was fantastic, but I was 19 and I didn't.
It's worth mentioning.
Yeah, we went back to like best of both worlds, right?
Which we said is iconic and was memorable for all sorts of reasons, but also it's a slow dated production with a kind of lack of action and dynamism and suspense compared to much of what comes later.
Now, we'll give that, that is iconic.
I mean, this is all of that stuff, and it isn't iconics.
This has nothing going for it at all.
And I do think that, you know, like it is telling that both lower decks and prodigy have brought O'Connor back because he is memorable.
He is their attempt to do a sort of Harry Mund, I guess, like someone striking and a little bit, you know, roguish, but they've kind of, they've already got Mrs. Troy, and they've already got Q, haven't they?
So they don't need.
I mean, why don't you, instead of just keep bringing in fun characters, just make your regular characters fun.
Yeah, that's right.
They're constantly bringing fun characters on board to create a contrast with our...
Do you remember Kira?
When they're about to shrink O'Brien and Bashir, laughing around off, you know, these characters can be fun.
That's right.
That's right.
And remember, like in Picard series 3, when they're not sort of agonising about things, they can be fun and funny.
And, you know, like even later in the run of this show.
I mean, we've seen disaster.
And, you know, that's not brilliant, but it is, you know, the closest that TNG gets to a comedy and it's brilliant because everyone's enjoyable in it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It is kind of cool.
Remember Ke-Co?
I'm trying.
P But this, yeah, just miserable staff. absolutely terrible.
Yeah, I mean, I am starting to come to the conclusion that Diana Muldar aside, who I don't remember seeing in his episode at all.
So that's another point, not in its favour, that season 2 might be the Nadir of TNG and not one.
I mean, it might be bad in all sorts of ways, but we've already discussed one is bad in sort of risk taking and amusing sort of ways.
This is just nothing.
There's just nothing.
Yeah.
On that note.
Let's do it.
I think we should press by.
I'm rare and...
Actually, no, I really am raring to go.
I enjoyed watching this on my own. enjoy watching it with you more.
Excellent.
All right.
Well, I will count as it in that case.
Five, four, three, two, one, and we are off.
That shot of the Enterprise again.
I desperately want to count how many episodes start with that shot.
But I reckon it may be most of it.
Yeah, because every single one, possibly all of them.
Now have we got rid of the sort of slouching chairs yet?
I can't quite tell.
No, I don't I think we might have.
I think we might have.
They don't seem to be quite so slumped.
Another thing I noticed in this episode as well.
They're still right in wharf as this sort of snarling, primitive, weird animal.
Yeah.
I thought he was coming onto it.
Look at how Troy walks in like a rag doll.
No, she's got somewhere important to go.
She is holding her arms out in a very strange way.
I need to be at his right hand side in case he needs savvy psychological advice.
Oh my god, in case the audience at home have never watched television before.
I mean, like this comes out in 1988.
We have had 10 years of Han Solo and we need O'Connor explain to us.
It's very strange.
There's no, I did love these model shots, though.
Yeah, they're new.
Oh, special effects.
I did like these CGI effects, though.
Oh, I just like how sort of crappy the ships look.
Yeah, isn't it?
supposed to be.
They are pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're little tiny, crappy ships, which is kind of cute.
Wolf, come on, you're not doing much.
Get out of the polish and clean that wooden rail.
Oh, I've had the 1st thing that we see is he's bomb.
Oh, hello, stay there.
Billy, just stay there.
Beat him on board, just like that.
Actually, I think his hair.
Oh look, Troy's immediately missing.
His hair doesn't look too bad there, but when he comes on board the ship, it's ponytail with someone else.
Yeah, yeah, but that was the 90s though.
I mean, people had ponies. as well.
Do you remember the mullet?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have a mullet back there.
Absolutely.
You got a picture of that.
I must see it. somewhere.
I can't imagine you were that much air, you know.
Oh my god.
Now have a look.
The word that seems best to describe him is rogue. and it's just like, are we all morons?
We all suffered recent savage blow to the head?
Like, why are you having to explain that to the audience at home?
It's so bad?
And then just to have data.
So then go, uh, rogue?
What does that mean?
Oh, yeah, it's a rogue.
Just suggest it from my memory banks.
It means this.
Why does he not put the word wrong?
Why does he not know one and joke?
Three years old watching this episode?
Oh, and the bit where they lock onto the ship that's tracked to be, it's done as a whole sort of set piece, isn't it?
That's it.
Line up the ships.
Wesley, press the button.
Boo!
There you go.
Well done.
But again, like everything just heats up as much time as it possibly can.
But it's a sort of special effect.
I'm wondering if part of that set behind Billy Campbell is a screen showing something on it.
Um, you know, like as if it was the effects wall or something.
We're not going back to him now.
Now we can't see.
No, we'll never know.
But do you notice that there was a little thing there where Riker said Riker is smiling and Picard says something funny and he says, oh, you know, the unexpected is our normal routine or whatever, which is not really particularly funny, but there are lines all the way through where people say funny things or talk about saying funny things that aren't just in the B plot.
Um, and like, for a show that is, like, it's so bad at humour.
Um, And this one, more than anything else, where, you know, every joke is bad, except for one, which is coming, which I think is a joke.
We'll love the argument.
I think it's someone slamming this script.
Is it Maurice Hurley going, who wrote this whole shit?
Can you have data point out that that is not a funny joke?
Please.
It's not even a joke.
And the scenes with the comedian, look, we haven't got time to rewrite all of those as well. put it out.
But the Jerry Lewis thing, which is the worst part of that scene, is Joe Piscopo's idea.
Like that's that's them ad-libbing. it's so embarrassing.
When was that sort of tripping about goonish comedy ever funny?
Yeah, yeah, it was...
I just don't find it...
No, so when Picard, when Data says, so when Data says, um, so if I put on stupid teeth, put in stupid fake teeth and jump around like a complete idiot, that makes me laugh.
That makes me laugh, but it's a jump around like an idiot.
That's what's happening.
Status critique on everyone else's humour.
This is the funniest thing.
Yeah, that's right.
Oh, here we go, look.
Level up the ships.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And see, this is a bit like...
Did you notice the music in this one as well?
Like, in this point where we're just doing a very standard process here.
It was very exciting.
But then later on, when Worf is asked to go and get O'Connor, right, and we're doing handheld camera work and the music's going like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
He's only going to get him to bring him to the bridge.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So bad.
Oh, look, it's Terry Hatcher.
Bond girl, Terry Hatcher.
I preferred her in desperate housewives when she used to trip over and set houses on fire and things.
Remember, she's the one with spectacular breasts in Seinfeld.
Oh, and of course, Lois in New Adventures of Superman.
She's now disassociated herself from...
Yeah, it's funny.
She goes, but you weren't doing any of that, got bothering stuff when we were making the new Adventures of Superman.
She goes, I wonder when they got hold of him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. when he didn't have a career anymore. was joining Kid Rock with all the other losers.
Watch this now as he goes over to terror.
Oh, we look so hot there.
William Campbell.
Oh my god.
Please.
No, he's so pretty.
You press my transporter buttons, William Campbell.
But he goes over to Terry Hatcher, right?
starts chatting her up and all 4 of them just stand there and watch him.
Admiring.
Yeah, yeah, there is, like, this is not working.
It is ham fisted, but there is the Roddenbury future where people are just down to Fark.
And so that's why Picard says, you know, you're free to socialise with my crew however much you like.
But the trouble is that in the Roddenbury future, where everyone's down to fuck, people are also just incredibly sleazy, like the men are just really creepy, and these lines, like who is talking like that to people?
Who pulls saying that to people?
And she does say, I'm sure you've said that to my lady before it was way more true than it is now.
She's more naturalistic than any of the TNG world.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she takes her name off the credits.
Did you notice that?
Well, I think she was going to have a bigger role.
I think she was gonna have a bigger role.
I mean, she's beautiful.
She needed like an Ashley Judd style role in the game, you know?
A big juicy role like that.
But, yeah, I mean, wait, what's the line that Ryker says when I come out, I'm waiting for it, because I just said, that is unbelievable.
It says, that's what they call sex or something like that.
He's got a smooth thing.
Now that's a big libido... sexual attraction, yeah.
In any context, it's not part of my problem.
Oh, fuck off.
But you're right, but yeah, fine.
There can be all very Lucian fucker over they want in their future, fair enough, right?
But they're still at work. and fuck her over the console whilst we're all watching.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, there's that.
Well, you couldn't sort of have predicted that.
But like, you know, if people just sort of fucked all the time, because there's that dialogue there where it's just like, these are ancient, um, you know, customs around procreation that are almost incomprehensible to us, which is all the stuff about, you know, Jana being pregnant and him running off and and who could possibly give a shit about who had sex with her.
I mean, imagine anyone in Picard saying that.
Can you even imagine it?
No.
But what do you do get?
Remember, we talked about it before, where, where, where Riker and Deanna joke about the changeling, right, being better than the real Riker in bed, which is like a funny joke that only works in a post-jealousy kind of context.
So you can do it properly.
You can do it properly in a way that doesn't make them sound like fucking Martians.
Do you know what I mean?
They, Nathan.
Oh, I forced myself to add to air of zest flamboyancy and zest.
It's just like, why are you talking?
To my dog, what's going on?
You are the most boring pirate we've ever met. describing yourself that way.
I do like him going, have you ever been cold?
I think that's a good line?
You know, it's like, um, it's like when Julian says, does your hair grow?
You know, like, I think that's actually quite gray.
I think that's great.
And I think there are actually one or 2 lines where we actually get a little moment of acting.
And that one there where he says, you know, the act of love and the feeling of love are the same thing, and data says, I think that's inaccurate, and he just stops for a 2nd and kind of gulps and thinks and goes, yeah, maybe.
And then there's another line later where he says, I have this way of using upper place.
And I think that's actually an interestingly phrased line and that's well delivered by him.
Like he's trying to do something with this drek that he's been forced to say.
And I think he's, he does okay.
I'll state it.
Do you know what funny he is?
Please stop him going to the holiday.
You do things that can't work.
That can't go well.
And it, like this is where Brent always goes when he's trying to be funny as well.
You know, like in in generations where he's just embarrassing again.
Terry, smoking hot in her sort of red.
Is it nightwear?
I'm not entirely sure.
But the music now, the saxophone is going all out at this point.
But look, these are attractive young people about to bone, and you can't possibly object to that.
That's awesome And she's dragging him to bed.
The music makes it sound sleazy.
That's my problem.
It makes it sound like a dreadful paw.
It's a saxophone.
Saxophones are not sexy.
They are.
They are sexy.
Oh, this.
You know what else is sexy?
Do you know what Va doing techno about?
Well, Wheaton just didn't have a hope, did he?
When he goes, oh, why does he work alone?
Oh, he lives by his own rules.
Anyway, one day, young man, you'll make your choice and Wesley looks straight out of the camera and goes, I already have, sir.
I was like, oh, please.
But that's what makes what ends up happening to him so good, I think.
You know, like, I think that that actually in retrospect where they go, actually, let's not take him the direction that we were always going to take him in and let's do something else.
I've got to be honest with you and you may want to cut this.
But I do wonder if losing Gene Roddenby might have been the best thing for Star Trek, because his original conceptions for all of these characters, they were just all erroneous, weren't they?
It was, and it all softened when he had less of a creative hand in the show.
Yeah.
Oh no, I think that's true.
I agree.
I agree.
So, Nathan, you're a droid and I'm annoyed.
What's annoyed?
Like, what's annoyed?
I just don't even understand.
That's not a joke.
Like, that's not in no way a joke.
Like no one uses Noid as an abbreviation for humanoid.
And so what what's happening?
Like that's not a pun, it's not anything.
And, and he, she's, she's trying to sell it with the immense...
Look at the smoopy god on her face.
He goes, yeah, she goes, beautiful.
That's a joke and then he goes, I'm not laughing.
Now laughing.
Yes.
And then he goes, is it because perhaps the joke was not funny. which is that's the best line.
It's you, Data.
And he goes, are you sure?
No, but then the scene comes to the conclusion.
She goes, no, it is funny.
And then Data goes, I agree.
I'm the problem.
No, you're not.
You're not a problem.
But someone put those lines in that scene.
Maybe it's not funny.
You know, maybe it's not me.
Are you sure it's me?
Could it be?
Shut up, Nathan.
The light in in these early episodes.
It's so different to the flat light in later, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's series 3 where they get that even lightning, lighting, I think.
Oh, what could we have had?
General raconteur, physical humour.
Physical humour, cerebral humour.
But look who the comedian is that they decide on, because all of these people are the names of people in the crew, do you know what I mean?
Like people in the in the crew of the show, okay, so have a look, have a look. accessing, accessing, um, Wendy News.
Ronald B. Moore, who's the visual effects guy.
Ronald B. in relation to Ronald D. Moore.
Yeah, they had a Ronald Bmore and a Ronald Dmore.
Did you not know that?
I think I would have preferred it if he'd have gone in and done the esoteric version.
What is it?
quantum equations as humour.
Yeah, yeah, that would that would have been awesome.
Yeah.
I mean, look at this.
It's like the cut price Vic's lounge, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, it's just a set that we're using once.
Do you squint?
It looks a bit like the royale.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, this is J.
P.
Scapo's slumming it on this stupid show.
Yeah, those chairs are really hideous. of tiger patterns.
Can you see him?
It was the 80s.
The decade style forgot.
So this Tip O'Neilling address is funny.
Words that end in K are funny.
So Tip O'Neill, apparently I actually kind of like that line.
I think some people think the words in, but they need K are funny.
Yeah.
So, so T O'Neill is the Democrat, he's the speaker of the house of representatives.
So he's a politician for about 10 years.
And he does turn up in an episode of Cheers, which I've watched.
So, so he is, so he is, that's a contemporary reference for Star Trek the Next Generation.
But this guy can't be Joe Piscopo from Saturday Night Live.
They can't do that.
Do you know what I mean?
Because they can't do contemporary references but they do let that one slip by.
You know how generic the people from the botany Bay were in the neutral zone.
You know, that there's no, or, you know, the way that the way that neither Eddington nor Cisco had seen the musical of La Visra, but, you know, you can't do anything sort of anything that's too contemporary because that kind of wrecks the illusion.
Oh my god, it's very nice.
This is so this is where he's clowning around the stage with false teeth, knocking into microphones.
Oh, where's the android?
Where has he gone?
It's like, what is this?
Yeah, so it's Jerry Lewis impersonation, right?
And data, so because Brand obviously can do a Jerry Lewis impersonation.
And so he does one that sounds nothing like the only Jerry Lewis impersonation that Data has ever heard, which is, which is this asshole doing this.
And this is just like, what the fuck is this?
Why are we watching this?
uniform as well.
That looks really weird.
I mean, I can see his cock as well, which is old.
You know, when they were both sort of doing the timing together.
Yeah, that is one of the most humiliating moments in all of Star Trek.
It's not funny.
It's not clever.
It's not entertaining.
It's just like...
Noise.
It's just horrible noise.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, shockingly.
I mean, look at how much he's sweating as well, the poor man.
Must be very odd.
I don't know if you noticed as well, right?
That is such a cheap set that they're around the stage.
Did you see?
It's the door to the holodeck. look Oh really?
It's the door they use for the holodeck.
Just without the doors in the middle.
And with that terrible foil.
Was this a chari comedy cabaret symbol?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, and then this, when he starts speeding everything up, and I think we're supposed to be amused by the fact that he's talking at like 10 times speed and fast.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, again, because they've got nothing to say about comedy, like they have this idea that data should investigate comedy, but he doesn't learn anything about comedy and then he eventually stops and decides, oh, well, there must be other things about being human.
Like, I don't know.
I do actually like that joke.
I just don't, I don't know.
Can I have a 2nd opinion?
Yes, I also think you're ugly.
I think that's a funny joke.
But, like, obviously he ruins it.
I'm trying to think at what point in like DS9 is wrong because I've came after this, yeah, where they sort of landed the comedy.
But I think it's emissary, right?
You know, at first.
I didn't think I was going to like him.
You know, like it's it's genuinely funny.
So what's the difference?
I don't understand.
What is it about this show, the mechanics of comedy just don't land?
No, no.
But in particular, like even when this show isn't doing a B plot about comedy, in this period, it just tends to be terribly inept, I think.
I think the comedy later, you're right.
It comes from the chemistry between the actors.
That's where the laughs are just watching them relax and be in silly situations.
But I think comedy, the best comedy generally comes from characterisation, right?
comes from people and they're not people.
No.
I remember when Wharf starts to be funny, you know, nice house, good tea.
I am not a merry man, you know, like that stuff to the opposition.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, what was it?
He said to Kira.
Nice hat.
That's sad.
He's our 2nd spaceship turning up, looking vastly better than it did in 1988, I imagine.
Yeah, there we go.
Now we're about to have not the full conference, just one person on this way, but later on, right?
You better be dazzled.
There'll be a line down the middle and 2 people on the viewscreen.
Now, I want to know what you think is happening to Michael Westmore this week.
Do you think Michael Westmore saw these 2 guys in the script and said, I want to just put a whole fucking pound of latex on their foreheads and they pulled a gun on him and said, if you come anywhere near me, I'm going to end you?
Like, or should we not have the money?
Michael Restmore read the scripts and said, There's suffering enough.
There I thought, I don't want to put them through that as well.
Let them come in at 9 rather than, you know, 4 in the morning.
So bad.
I mean, it is quite nice just to have 2 humanoids turn up.
Wow.
You know, a load of plastic all over the red.
Yeah.
And they're from the planet, Strayleb and Atleck, I think, like, which is pretty awesome.
Are these the sort of affairs of states that those commentators on Kurtzman Shrek were talking about dealing with the misadventures. with realistic situations.
Outrageous O'Connor potentially impregnating this man's daughter.
So apparently this set behind him is the Battle Bridge or something that's been redressed.
That's the big telly on the battle bridge behind.
Get some money out of it.
Maybe they're not just out of ideas.
They're out of dosh as well.
Oh, I think that's absolutely happening, which is why we have to resort to shades of gray by the end of the season.
It is, like, I know I know we said about, oh, I do like that man beyond the screen.
I don't know what it's doing.
Do you see him?
Yeah, yeah, they're so unb behind the thing.
Yeah, yeah.
There's 2 people.
Yeah.
They're just typing But in for you, like, there's such a lift, isn't there?
It's extraordinary.
The lift that we get in terms of writing in terms of performance.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
At the cost of lining at the cost of some kind of sort of, you know, risk taking, I guess.
But they're able to put out a competent episode every week, even if it's a bit dull.
The danger is later on is that the competency can be very boring if it's just a standard episode, whereas no episodes of one or 2 is boring.
They're just mostly terrible.
Oh, I think they're bought.
I think, yeah, they're giving it too much credit.
To be fair, this is only our 3rd in season two.
Oh, look, the planet Straleb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What happens, like?
I don't know.
It's Bell Arts backwards, so who knows?
Well, it just looked like a backwards English word.
And now we're talking about, oh, see, I thought this had the potential to be a funny line where data says, like, wharf talks about the mosh fly or something like that, and Dana explains it's a Klingon fly that makes a high pitch buzzing sound, like, and he's about to make the high pitch buzzing sound, and Picard cuts him off.
But I think it would have been funnier if he started making a high pitched buzzing sound.
I just don't know.
I know, I know, I'm just mean, I'm only mini now, but all of data is attempts at humour.
I mean, every time they do it, I very, very rarely raise a smile.
No, I mean, I kind of like the giving too much precision.
Do you know what I mean, giving things down to the mealisecond.
I think it's kind of funny, but not if they kind of mug and pretend it's a hilarious joke.
That bit there where Picard went, mute the man on the screen and then he's just sort of like looking impatient.
It's like they've given him the direction.
Look impatient whilst you're muted.
And then they give the son the direction, right.
Please, grab him.
Grab him in this amateur dramatics way. and give some indication that you might be the father of the child later on.
It's so bad.
Like, what is that?
That is so poor, and yet he went on to guest in an episode of Enterprise.
Wow, that's not a sign of quality, though, is it?
I mean, the dog was in enterprise.
He's been reported in 3 different quarters.
He goes, get that sex pest, but to the bridge now, all right?
Yeah, it's all consensual, you know, it's everyone's having fun.
I would not be pushing him out. bed.
Look how Worf is filmed from below.
Like he's on...
It's like the bit in data law where he's going to get...
That's a law.
So I do think one of the problems with this is how heterosexual O'Connor is and how there's no hint that he would be interested in anyone else.
And there, but then there was a moment where maybe I wasn't paying close attention where, um, he says something like, uh, you know, now is now.
And then, you know, they're kissing and he says something, he walks up.
What's he say?
Oh, I would like that.
I would like that.
And you kind of go, oh, what would you like?
I think he's talking about like a fight.
I think he's talking about, but not sex.
Really?
Come on.
I mean, I would love it if O'Connor came onto him.
That would be extraordinary to watch Paul Michael Dawn's reaction.
We're not there yet, though, are we?
No, I have to tell you, and you may not be aware of this, but Una and Erica did Snog in an episode of straight shit.
Object to that?
What would Objection?
No, that's good.
No, I didn't think he would object to it, but I wouldn't have objected to these two. who's asset.
That's right.
Exactly.
It's when ugly people get it on.
I don't want to see Miles and Keiko getting it on.
And trust me, Rosalind Chow is not the problem.
No.
So he is wearing like some amazing mum jeans as well.
Do you notice like his pants?
They're so bad.
Like, it's, it's stone washed, mum Jean.
I love how his sort of chest hair pokes up out of his open shirt.
But he, clearly, still not as good as Harry Munn's chest.
They want him to have a really hairy chest because that's why he's got that sort of V-neck top on.
Yeah, he doesn't.
It's only just poking up a little bit.
Yeah.
Yeah, not so outrageous after all.
No.
God, Bennett, you know what, right?
Watching this without the listening to the words, yeah. and just looking at William Campbell's pretty face.
It's much more enjoyable this way.
Yeah, he is pretty.
You shouldn't say the collection of screenshots I have to choose from among for the website.
Tell me why Kushal from the planet Straleb is so annoyed.
Yes, I've been wondering.
I've been wondering.
I mean, the planet Straleb is probably a fairly miserable place.
Oh, I want to try.
Like they're not even fucking trying, aren't they?
Mr. Kushel, thank you for welcoming me to Straleb.
So, our cast of um, guest characters on the teleconference, uh, Debin, Kushel, Yanar, and Benzan, I think, is the least like an actual name, I think.
Debin is a bit depressing.
It sounds like Dobbin, doesn't he?
The horse.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So is he Debin of Strelob?
No, he's Devin of Atlick.
It's Kushel of Australia.
All right then.
Yeah.
This poor man, it's been waiting the whole time, Frank.
Let's get on the bridge.
So my favourite part of the conference call is where they're both on screen together.
And again, here is another excellent reason why Discovery decided to have fucking holograms instead of everyone talking to everyone on telly. everyone FaceTiming everyone.
So we have the 2 of them.
Oh, God, he's...
I love her.
Do you know what?
She's given me sort of princess layer vibes in her white robes.
And her...
If I were here, it was Carrie Fisher.
Oh my god.
Come on now.
Carrie Fisher.
Surely she was made for Star Trek.
She should have done a role.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I suppose this ancient morality player.
They never could have afforded him, but imagine if they had got Harrison Ford for this role.
Yeah, but I mean, the thing is, right, Harrison Ford is not pretty in the way that Billy Campbell is, but he's sexy as hell, and it is all in the kind of attitude. isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, you know, like, like Billy Campbell is like pretty Harrison Ford, a little bit like Aidan Watts' face who played him in solo, uh, rogue, uh, Star Wars story or whatever that was called.
I mean, when you're in the dark, prettier.
Yeah, it don't matter what someone looks like, just how much spunk they've got.
I don't mean that, literally.
No, okay.
But, you know, like it's nice to get them these details right, though, isn't it?
is so pretty.
I can't stop looking at that car.
I mean, they've really hoovered that carpet this week, haven't I?
Oh no.
Oh, okay. split screen.
Now let's see how long it takes them to put these.
They've literally put the 2 plot parts on the screen next to each other.
Let's see how long it takes them to put them together from work it out.
That's right What's the what's the daughter's name?
Yenar.
Yenar of Straleb.
Okay.
No, yes, no, I think she's from Atlet.
Oh, she's at liquor.
Oh, it's so, so hard to tell the difference between the two.
I get those.
They both got sort of gray tunics on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Look, there's Benzan getting a line.
Bless him.
But my favourite thing is when he mutes them and then we just watch them talking and talking and talking and then he just goes, oh, fuck it, hang up on them.
That made me laugh as well.
Really good.
He's fucking hung up on me.
Tell him I want at all.
Terminate communications, fuck.
But as well, right, as well.
I was like, initially it's too, it's so obvious that, like, he's fucked the daughter and stolen the jewel, right?
But it's even more obvious that, oh, no, he's a loveable rogue.
He didn't do either of them, and, you know, the very neat solution is that he's actually a really nice guy. vomit.
Yeah, it's so boring.
But there's also this sort of thing where there's no threat because the people from Atleck and Straleb only have, you know, lasers or whatever and they can't kill us.
We even go to an ad break with a declaration that no one can actually hurt us in this situation.
You sort of think, well, there's all the tension gone.
Like, it's impossible to give a shit about any of this.
You see the carpet on Picard's walls there.
That sort of, you know, that reminds me of the really cheap place I used to work where I took phone calls, you know, doing telemarketing.
I mean, I used to think this was the plushest place you could ever go.
It was like a very posh hotel.
Can you imagine?
In 89 or 87.
If I'd have seen the visual effects wall of Strange New Worlds, I mean, I just would have killed over and died.
The corridor set.
You know, like just the corridor. so reflective. do I do?
Where is the carpet on the walls?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I do think it was a savvy move on DS9 to remove the carpet from the walls.
Yes, I think so too.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, this is a bit now.
You need to watch the end of this scene where he says to Wesley, no, I've made friends and dashes off and Lavar gives his shock look to Wesley. so great.
I mean, Wesley's so in love with him.
Like Wesley is absolutely gagging for him.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just look at the way that he looks at him and it's just such an odd way of playing it.
I mean, I think I'd watch it, you know?
He's the mate, he's right.
Yeah, yes, yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, not that big an age gap.
Look how pretty he is.
Well, I mean, I always thought where Wheaton was very pretty when I was young.
Obviously, it was my big crush.
I was older than...
I was only in this, remember?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whereas this guy, Billy Campbell's 10 years older than me.
I think Westmore's makeup girls are having day off actually, because you can see Will's acne quite badly in this shop.
Yeah, high diff.
I don't know if you know it.
It felt like such an old detail to bring up.
But Patrick Stewart's neck, like the sort of crinkles in his neck, right?
Later on, that would all be smoothed out with makeup, yeah.
But here they just haven't done it at all.
But I mean, he's got crinkles in his neck and he's 40 something in this episode.
Wait for it.
Keep your arm, LeVar, all right, when he looks...
Okay. ready?
Trying to make a stand.
Oh my god.
It's like, what the fuck?
Levar, thank you for trying to inject some drama in this scene, but there is none.
That was him going to an end break.
Do you know what I mean?
What is the outrage?
Oh, God, I got to do West.
Yeah.
Why does no one say that?
Why, O'Connor, you're outrageous.
Can I just say as well?
Marina has not had a line since the 1st scene.
She's always in niche British scenes and she doesn't say a word.
Never says anything.
She's a girl.
I don't want to hear from her.
She looks very pretty in her seat though, doesn't she?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. she thinks he's pretty, which is kind of nice.
Okay, come on now.
It's just a bit weird.
Oh, they're coming on board now.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're bringing them on board into the conference room on deck 14, which just turns out to be someone's quarters that they've taken all the furniture out of.
Why did you steal the crystal again?
Was it so they could have a new life together, him and him and the woman with a baby?
Benzan is the heir to the crystal.
Benzane.
Yeah, it's owned by the family.
It's called the Crystal of Theseia in case you are not paying attention.
Is that Ben fan of Strahleb?
talking about there or atzlek?
Yeah, yeah, no, he's been, turn of Australia.
Okay.
And so he was going to give it to her and that was going to be their marriage thing.
It was like a wedding present.
Fuck sake, just in case we didn't know, they get off the transporter pad and, you know, father and mother look at each other.
Right.
We're going to reveal the plot zone, aren't we?
Yes, good.
Oh my god.
But why are they bothering?
It's because he's not speaking out for her?
I mean, I don't even understand why she's behaving in this way.
Look at the furniture in that room. beautiful carpet in this room.
I mean, it's immaculate.
Isn't it?
Do you imagine dots do it or is there an official sort of who for us?
Yeah, I reckon that dot does.
Well, they probably just have a room bar.
Do you know what I mean?
I can't believe they didn't have little robots going about.
Like, they could have done that in the 80s.
Yeah, I mean, they have them in Star Wars, remember, but they're all going on shiny floors.
Could it have just looked like sort of dusty bin?
Oh, like, yeah, R2D2.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's tiny little ones on the Death Star. like little robots that go around the place.
Do we ever do robots in TNG?
Is there ever even a robot?
Are they so not fun?
They don't even do a...
Oh, they're quite cute, aren't they?
They're on strings, which is very funny.
Like nomad.
Nothing top snomad. still the best.
Oh, look at the horror on the kid's face.
No, I am the father.
Yeah, but he's so much uglier, but be careful.
Look at him.
He's rough looking at him.
No episode of murder she wrote that is worse acted than this scene.
Oh, it's really bad, isn't it?
It's so bad. anyone think to ask me?
Who is the father of my child?
Joe would be perfect in this scene.
Gates.
Get in.
Yeah, yeah.
Shut up.
He didn't steal the crystal after all.
Gates would be perfect.
She would think.
Oh, he has unfortunate hair, doesn't he, the son?
Yeah, it's really bad hair and everyone is so fucking sweaty in this entire episode.
Maybe Westmore had the day off because everyone is shiny.
Everyone has shiny, shiny face in this episode.
You said it.
It was O'Connor's child.
Oh, wow.
So I let you believe it was O'Connor.
She goes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I was laughing throughout this whole scene watching it. for the reasons I should be.
Oh, I know you didn't name that person that left the comment on genocide.
Please go back and watch the outrageous O'Connor, right?
Oh, back when Star Trek was proper.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my goodness.
Are we still talking about the jewel?
I mean, look, Marina still hasn't got a line.
She's just standing.
No, no, she's just standing there.
She's smiling.
Like, she's like, it's really bad, isn't it?
They put her in all these scenes and they never give her anything to do.
No, at least guidance got a line, look.
But no one's thinking like a writer and going, well, what's Deanna doing in this scene?
What does she want to achieve?
you know what I mean?
What does she think of what's going on here?
Who was it Jess?
Was it Jess that said, we never would have put up with that shit?
Yeah, that's right.
That's exactly right.
Oh, a bit more comedy now with Mr. Saturday Night Live.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See, look at his hair.
We all had hair like that.
Little Whoopi, such a great actress.
She goes, whoa, this amazing room.
Look at it.
Wow.
Things were plush back in the 50s, weren't they?
And this is not fun either. isn't it?
I think this is fun.
So the scene that we get where data decides that comedy's not for him is where everyone in the audience laughs at literally, see, it's not the 50s.
Look at their fucking hair.
Look at that woman in the foreground, for Christ's sake.
It's like the 80s.
I mean, it could have been proper contemporary things, but I don't know.
Rom got it perfect.
I just got up on the stage and went, you was a free 1st wind in her hair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that was fun.
He knows how to have fun.
He's awesome.
That's why the lady is a scamp.
Oh, actually, here we go.
Back to the scamp of this episode, the outrageous O'Connor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He is outrageous.
For fuck's sake.
You feel for him the same way he feels for you.
Oh, and then he sort of looks up all sort of doughy-eyed.
Do you do you feel the same way for me?
Yeah, I'm Nathan, you may be expiring or smile.
I don't know what noises you're making.
I just can't say it any longer.
It's shockingly bad.
I give them 6 months, I reckon.
And uh, although he's, yeah.
Troy, say something.
Please justify your existence in this scene.
She can do better than him. is what I think.
I think Jinar is definitely the loser in this relationship.
Now he's got the crystal though, so he's worth a bit of money.
Yeah, that's true And he has a sort of pretty smile there.
You know?
Maybe.
Look, he does look pretty sad now behind.
Oh, didn't this work out well?
So the dad's almost playing it for comedy a bit?
like an indulgent kind of because that's sort of what this is, isn't it?
It's like a, like that sort of Shakespearean comedy thing about, you know, who's married who and mistaken identity and stealing the thing.
And like it's that sort of traditional kind of comedy sort of.
And so, like, there's a sense in which this is a comedy while the other stupid comedy plot's going on.
But no one's funny and no one gets what comedy's really about.
Well, they have learned nothing about comedy in this episode.
We have that labour joke at the end there.
Oh, what a wonderful future you will have on Straleb.
Oh no, they'll be coming back to Atleg.
Do you think my daughter is going to live on Atlec?
I was like, oh, your God's sakes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then Paul Marina's in the background and that girl laughing going, oh, isn't this all so amusing?
Well, I actually kind of like the way that Picard just nopes out of it at that point goes, yeah, this is you solved this one.
We're going.
It's the same way he muted the conversation earlier.
It's just like, yeah, yeah, I just don't want to be half any of this.
These people find bread absolutely hilarious.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I actually, again, I like the joke, and it's such a cheesy, crappy old joke, but I was so ugly as a baby that they put a pork chop around my neck, so the dog would play with me. funny when you say it. funny choke.
Like it's cheesy as hell.
But it's...
Mind cheek, it's like...
I mean, you know, we could bring this to podcast.
There are some deeply unfunny podcasts out there, right?
Look at you.
It's air footless for you.
You just anything that comes out of your mouth makes me laugh.
I mean, you've either got it or you haven't.
I think, you can't be taught here.
Really?
Brent doesn't have it though.
No, he really doesn't have it, no.
Michael has it.
Michael Dorn has the funny.
I think Michael does have it.
I think Michael does tell it.
Like, you know, Armond Shimmerman?
absolutely.
Yep, yep, yep.
Yeah, no.
But they've clearly just pumping nitrous oxide into this room.
Like it's, it's...
It's so badly as well.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, and get rid of the comic too.
Come on, deactivate.
No, hang on.
It was never funny, so he can't vanish.
No, he's gone.
Yes, all right.
Well, that was great.
That was terrific.
And that's the B plot.
We've learned nothing.
We've decided that being human could involve something else and we will wheel out the emotion chip in 6 years time and we'll get to see Brent pull this crap again to even greater effect.
I think all of these early TNG episodes would be better, you know, if Angela Lansbury was involved in these murder shit records.
It's just turned up.
She goes, you know, I 1st realised that Mr. what's his name?
Benzan from Straleb looked.
Very unusually at her when they got off the transporter pad.
She could put it all together for us.
That would be quite amusing, I think.
Oh my god.
Is this still going?
Is this episode still going?
Yes.
Come on.
Goodbye, Captain O'Connor.
Goodbye.
That's it.
Oh my god.
Oh my god. no.
What the last joke, then?
I can't remember.
I'll say goodbye, Data.
Goodbye, Data.
And then he looks it up, and then he looks it up, and then we get that laboured thing as well, because it's say good night to the folks, Gracie, right?
That's just that famous line.
Yeah.
It's an hour.
Yeah.
Unbelievable stuff.
And now he starts telling these terrible jokes.
The girl in the nudist colony who no one nothing looked good on.
They can't.
This is going to be a long shift, says Picard.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what?
I think I'm needed in engineering.
Goodbye.
Actually, that final thing where he just goes, oh, wait, I'm going to stop doing jokes now.
I'll just press some buttons.
I'm gonna go to war. hilarious stuff Hilarious stuff.
Yeah.
That was awesome.
God, it's so much superior to all of Kurtzman Trek.
I must say.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Why is the carpet episode now?
There's a couple of episodes of season 2 that do have a plot.
We never seem to land on them, do we?
Well, we've only rolled 3 and like, I think, what do we think?
You tell him about number 23 of these to go?
No, because it's a short season.
We've only got 19.
This one only goes for 22.
Because of the rider strike.
You can always calm me down by the season.
Thank you.
Yeah.
See, that was a joke.
19.
Not very good one, but it was a joke.
Take my wharf, please.
Oh, dear, maybe the conclusion we reach at the end of this is actually, neither of us is very funny at all.
We just find each other absolutely hilarious and that's what I think that might be...
Yeah, yeah.
That's what matters.
As long as we're having fun. exactly.
All right, it's the end of the episode, and it's time for us to work out where we're going next.
This was your choice.
Oddly, and I kind of think that it might be fun to do a good episode.
But then I think maybe it would be fun to do another terrible episode.
And so I have decided that we are going to do an episode of Star Trek Enterprise.
Why would that thought come after that thought?
You should stick with your original thoughts, you know.
They're usually bang on.
Yeah.
We haven't done Enterprise for a while.
We haven't done Enterprise for a little while. and it's feeling unloved and that's because it is unloved.
I've got faith. that you'll choose a something pretty terrible.
But, you know, there are a couple of goodies.
We might get that.
Okay, all right.
Let's see how we go.
Your random Star Trek Enterprise episode is season four, episode one, Stormfront.
Stormfront.
I've seen this in reasonably recent memory.
Remember that they come back to Earth, but it's run by aliens and Nazis or something.
Yeah, why is that?
I can't remember.
Oh, no, you know?
So what happens?
It is a 2 time, we'd have to do.
Yeah.
Let's not do.
We will have to do it eventually, though.
I know.
I know.
How about this?
Season one, episode seven, the Andorian incident.
The Andorian incident.
I see what it says about that.
Hang on.
During a visit to a Vulcan monastery, Archer to Paul and Tucker are taken hostage by a group of Andorians who claim the monastery, actually houses, a secret Vulcan spying post.
Well, jammer likes it. 3 stars out of four.
Oh my god.
Which probably means it's quite boring.
Probably.
There any puppets in it, do you think?
There's never enough puppets in Star Trek, is there?
You know?
You remember that terrible episode where Paris and Neelix are down on the planet, par situation.
The only thing that redeems it is the little puppet that comes out of the egg at the end.
Do you remember the puppet that Data is feeding in the most toys?
and he's just singing Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, really tunelessly and he's throwing food at this puppet?
It's so weird.
That's like properly odd TNG.
Do you remember the puppet that it's not supposed to be a puppet, but it was that Marco Lemo's holding in covenant, the baby, where malfunctioned whilst he was trying to act. and his head was going, look, look, look, and he's trying...
Oh my god, the power raves.
They've delivered us a beautiful Cardassian baby.
I didn't fuck them up or I promise.
When the baby was literally doing full exorcist headspins. puppets, man.
What a trooper.
Puppets bring joy.
Awesome.
All right, what do you think?
I think you should press it again. too boring.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm really hoping you'd give us a series 2 actually.
There's one.
I haven't done that much one. desperate for us to watch.
Oh, okay.
Your random Star Trek Enterprise episode is season one, episode 17 Fusion.
Fusion.
Tapol finds herself exploring dangerous recesses of her mind when a group of Vulcans who embrace their emotions.
This is the enterprise. standard enterprise sort of episode there.
It is.
Are they the people who like to mind meld?
There's quite a lot of those people about, you know, perverts.
Okay, all right.
There's plenty of those about as well, especially in season 2 DNG.
All right, we've got season one, episode 11, cold front.
Should we just go for it?
I mean, it could be anything.
As the Enterprise, place host to visitors on a religious retreat.
Uh-oh.
We're doing religion.
Archer is made aware of a Sulaban intruder who may be part of a conspiracy waged from centuries in the future.
That sounds thrilling.
It does.
I can think of many ways that the enterprise production team could make that thoroughly boring.
But on paper, it sounds like it could be expensive.
It sounds absolutely superb.
Yeah.
I think we'll do it.
I think we'll do it.
What the fuck?
Let's just take cold prone.
We've got season one at one point, haven't we?
Java gives it a hearty 3 styles.
Entertaining and intriguing, he says.
Oh, my goodness.
It's both.
There you go.
An indication of the whole arc to be is the ultimate paradox plot.
Oh, this sounds nightmarish to me. doesn't it?
All right.
Well, that's awesome.
That's brilliant.
Let's absolutely do that.
So it's cold.
I can give you one last fact before we sort of head out of this.
And that is, it's one of those rare episodes directed by, yes, the worst Robert himself, Mr. Duncan McNeil.
And he's actually a pretty good director.
A far-fair director that he is an actor.
Well, yeah.
The bar, though.
You've been listening to untitled Star Trek project with Joe Ford and Nathan Bottomley, where online at untitled Star Trek project.com, where you can find subscription links and links to our social media accounts.
Our podcast artwork is by Kayla Ciceran, and the theme was composed by Cameron Lamb.
This episode was recorded on the 22nd of September 2026 and released on the 25th of September.
We'll see you next time for Star Trek Enterprise, Cold Front.
So we've only done three, we've done three season one episodes of Enterprise.
We've done Strange World.
Unexpected and Oasis.
I don't even remember what race this is.
What was Oasis?
It's it's Renee out of makeup.
Oh, boy, so boring.
Stration New World was boring. and racist.
And unexpected was just...
I mean, it's true.
So we get to look at it.
It's the best one.
Yeah, it is the best one.
God almighty, there are some duds in there.
We've only done 4 episodes of season three.
God, he likes that one where Tripp and Reid go down to Riser, chasing skirt.
Of course he does.
Of course he does.
No, terrible.
I mean, he gave minefield a three.
Yeah, and he's given he's given just about every episode this season of Stranger World, less than one, Bam.
I mean, minefield, do you remember?
Oh, my old dad, who worked on shit.
Oh my god.
It gets annoying, sick, mate.
One star.
That's really good.
Why, what's the problem with that?
I don't understand why anyone would give that one star.
It's clearly...
We'll never ever land on the one I really want us to do, right?
So I'm just going to manipulate it in the near future.
Tell me what it is.
It's precious cargo in series two.
The Enterprise comes to the aid of an alien vessel.
I don't think we have.
I would definitely have said, let's do it.
It's like the perfect mate. only even worse It just has the worst performance of a guest car. actor.
Oh, you see, because that has Femke Jansen, who is a Bond girl.
She's not an actress, though.
They pulled in a model because she was a bit of a name at the time.
Yeah, but this woman with poor old trip.
I mean, she's just awful. and Jamak is it 0 stars.
I just want to do one of his 0 star episodes.
In the near future.
I will select season 2 and keep pressing until I get precious card.
You've done this.
I couldn't do this before.
You did it first.
You did it.
What was it?
You did it for?
What did I do it for?
Oh, God, a couple of times after that.
Short tricks.
It was so I couldn't get trouble with Edward.
I, um, yeah, it's a flexible format this.
Yeah, it's in the rules.
You weren't allowed to do it.
Oh God.
Why are all the enterprise titles so boring?
The crossing.
Horizon.
The breach. 1st flight, bounty, the expanse, anomaly.
Impulse, exile.
I mean, whatever happened to the...
I think Discovery...
Whatever happened to you for the world is hollow.
Yeah, no, I have touch.
Butcher's knife cares, not for the lab.
The lamb's cry. magic context is the kings. man, go, man.
I love all of these shitty tiles.
Oh, series 2, they got a bit boring.
There's three.
The Red Angels a good time.
Die trying. that's pretty cool Oh, you like that hope it's you.
They got a bit more boring as they went along.
So serious one ones are the best.
I like Rosetta. is a good name for that episode.
I mean, nothing tops the lower deck styles.
I should do about...
What about where Pleasant Fountains lie, where it's about cunnilingus?
No, I mean, all of them are great.
Magato, Gombato.
Embarrassing.
Dinklers.
But that joke, right?
Much to do about boim now, yeah?
I'm sure that pays off brilliantly in the episode, yeah?
And it's a clever pun.