Hey, Joe. Hi.
So this isn't our first Pandronian-based episode of Star Trek, is
it?
Only on the Star Trek podcast, could you just stole there?
So, so we're doing the animated series and we're doing series 2
which seems to be like 4 episodes that they had left lying around
or something and it's called BEM, and it has a Pandronian alien
called BEM, the eponymous BEM.
You do his full name.
His name is Ari Bin Bam.
The reason I know this. is that in I excretis, which is an episode
of Lower Decks, we did some time ago.
There was another Pandronian character and her name was Shari Yin
Yem, is he?
The reason why that episode is because they're just taking our
piss out of this shit.
Yeah, that's right.
But what they do, which I think is really terrific, is that they
gradually make all of the most ludicrous things in the animated
series canonical.
So as well as having a pandronian.
This episode has an Adocian Arax.
And Aryx is on the bridge and he is in the time trap, but he
doesn't get any dialogue. curious as to whether he had any lines
at all.
I think he did, but I wish he hadn't because his weird voice.
Yeah, so that's Jimmy Dewan.
So it turns out that...
Yeah.
So the original cast.
So it's not the best he could do.
So this is it.
Jimmy Dewan does everyone's voice.
So he's Bam and his ARX. in this episode as well as playing
Scotty.
I don't know that.
I don't remember.
Yeah, it's doing with doing the law.
So, Jimmy doing play a paper alien.
Yeah.
So, because Chehov's not even this, although he may write an
episode, I think.
So he's not in this yet.
Yeah.
No, you remember, there was that big spat, wasn't it?
Nemoy saying, I ain't doing it.
If you're writing out all the ethnic characters, making Star Trek
or whitewash.
White show.
Yeah, yeah.
So this is perhaps the most low effort episode of anything that
we've ever watched.
Oh, by a mile.
Maybe even more than Manhunt, which I think is our previous winner
for just not giving a shit.
I mean, they had to knock together the sets for Manheim. you know
things like that.
That's true.
I don't think there was any original artwork in this.
I swear, the jungle appeared in about 15 other TAS episodes.
Yeah, yeah.
And I think this got something like the same score.
So Jama, who obviously reviewed these ages ago, gave this 2.5 out
of 4 stars.
And just for context, the most recent Strange New Worlds episode
that we did got 2 stars, the Elysian Kingdom.
And he did give 2.5 stars to the like not this week's episode.
I mean, just a couple of episodes ago, the Among the Lotus Eaters
episode of Strange New Worlds.
Now, I suspect that his calibration has shifted over the years and
that he might not be quite so willing to make the same mistake
again. in the light of recent trek.
Although, I've got to say, if Laan turned up in this episode in
that fabulous princess dress.
Yeah.
You know, that dog.
I wouldn't think...
Nathan, do you know I fell asleep 3 times watching this?
Yeah, and it's 25.
I said to you.
I have to keep rewinding it to see what I've missed and not a lot
because nothing happens in this.
No.
See, this is a story that had been kicking around and had been
considered for the 3rd series.
And obviously, the character's called Bem because Bug Eyed Monster
BEM was a sort of term of art in early science fiction.
And we're Doctor Who fans, we know that the original remit for
Doctor Who was not to have any bug-eyed monsters, and then the
Daleks came along.
So he's called Bem, and he's sort of non-human, and the idea had
always been that he could detach bits of himself, like he was a
colony creature.
And so they were considering it for the 3rd series and, you know
he was going to have his hands come off.
They would have realised that.
You've been terrible.
Oh no, I just don't think they could ever have done it.
And then I think we get the godlike alien entity at the end, and
that was Gene.
Gene Roddenbury insisting that they go in.
So this...
Really?
You surprise me, you know.
So this script's my David...
I've never used that trick before.
That's right.
It's like, I'm sure we've never done a godlike alien entity.
We need to have one at the end of this.
So that was his idea.
The original script by David Gerald, who did trouble with Tribbles
who can genuinely write good, interesting Star Trek.
And he's only right in his, remember, because there's a writer
strike on, so he can't write television.
But you can't write animation.
Ah, okay.
Oh, you know, we're drawing on all of his skills and genius as a
writer here and pouring it into the animated set of what went
wrong.
Yeah.
So I think, look, also, like, I'm a little bit young for this
because this, I was born when this was broadcast, but I was, you
know, 4 or something like that.
But there was an early Saturday morning cartoon thing that was on
you know, where it was like incredibly cheap, incredibly low
effort.
And I still remember some of them?
Well, like this.
I mean, this was what was given to kids as entertainment.
And when you look at something like prodigy, which is beautiful
and smart and well cut off in its 2nd season.
Well, maybe, maybe, but, um, you know, like it, it just seems
extraordinary that this was what Star Trek ended up being, that
after its cancellation, to compare it to this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because someone cares about prodigy and lots of effort goes into
it.
Well, what's baffling is that, you remember I said to you, DC
Fontana considered this?
the next season of Star Trek.
Yeah.
Like, this is what she aspired, Star Trek.
I think DC Fontana made some great choices.
She wrote some brilliant episodes.
And she skipped into 90s track as well.
You know, she was talented enough that they brought her in and
said, right, you know, she did Dax in DS9 and things like that.
Okay.
But this has not got one iota of the charm or the drama.
Oh, the brains.
There are no brains here.
Like, no.
Essentially, what happens in this episode?
I'm gonna cut, you know, let's just break it down.
It's like go down on this planet with this new crew member, BIM.
They all get put in a cage.
Because Bim's an idiot.
And he wants to study them and see how they get him out of a
cage.
Then they get out of the cages.
A godlike entity comes down and says, you know, all right, guys.
And then Ben goes, oh, I should never have done all of this.
I will disembody myself and the godlike entity goes, no, no, no
you're all right.
And then they all leave.
Yeah, that's the episode.
We learn a valuable lesson about learning from our mistakes, but
they do put out another episode of this the following week.
So certainly not everyone has managed to learn from their
mistakes.
There is one amazing moment, though, right?
where all the lizards won't run in.
They'll go, oh, right, and go running scared.
That did make me laugh, that one bit.
But apart from that, I don't think my brain engaged at one point
in this.
No, it is it is pretty terrible.
All right.
What do you reckon?
I think we should...
I think we're going to run out of things to say.
There's 23 minutes with nothing happening.
We'll get to talk about the tilty animation, you know, impressive
high angle animated shot of the bridge that's in there.
I didn't want to say that, you know what, right?
I consider you to be the most intelligent person.
I know, brainless art of a planet, teaching a dead language to
rich children and all of this.
Oh, I really want to apologise, you know, because I feel as if I
sent us on this path to you eventually, spending your valuable
time, watching episodes of this.
I'm really about to see more.
I really want to see more of it because it is astoundingly
terrible.
It's like a car crash and I love seeing like Shatner kind of
putting no effort into it and it's just, it is a very, very
strange thing because this is what passed for Star Trek in the
early 70s.
And I just can't help imagining how crushed.
I remember when I was a kid.
Tuning in to Space 1999 during the school holidays.
It would be fun.
The 1st few episodes of that were very exciting.
But when the 2nd series came along with Freddie Freiberger and a
whole heap of production changes and stuff were made, even as a
primary school kid, even as a 10 year old, I knew that this was
disappointingly crap compared to what we'd had the previous year.
You were that young.
It took me to learn, I was at least sort of 11 or 12. to recognise
that any television could be better.
Could be terrible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember being just awfully disappointed that lots of the things
I loved about the 1st series weren't in the 2nd series.
And just think about the way that Star Trek captured the heart of
so many nerdy children, you know, when it was 1st on.
And then they're a little bit older and it comes back in this
form.
It's kind of miserable.
Oh, well. you know.
Let's watch it, shall we?
All right.
Well, you know, what is really interesting is I think we have done
some TNG episodes, you know, that are almost on this level.
You think Star Trek would learn from its mistakes, but actually
we've watched, we've watched Justice and Manhunt as well, and
Genesis, you know, which are Genesis.
Yeah, I think Genesis is leagues ahead of this.
All right.
Okay.
I'll count us in.
Five, four, three, two, one, and we're off.
You know what is funny is, I don't think, um, oh, good grief
random trek, you know, I don't think they've got TAS in the mix.
So we might be the only podcast doing, you know, ciques on the
animated series.
Well, we regard it as canon.
We think that this happened every bit as much as measure of a
man.
I just don't care about cannon, you know, like, no, it all exists
to me.
Oh, so it's like really funny about this elevation, right?
So when the ship is going through space, yeah.
You know how, you know, when they've got the money, they can do
the stars kind of, sort of zooping off.
But here, they just have 3 or 4 stars going into the middle of the
screen.
Just suggest it's going very fast.
The shocking animation when it turns around the corner.
Like most of the time it just goes in a straight line so they
don't have to change the shape.
It's so bad shot there.
So miserable.
And the way it goes to one side of the screen to the other.
Yeah, yeah.
Is it going sideways?
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
It's going directly.
Oh, you go, bam.
Here's a shock.
It was directed this.
Yeah, someone directed it.
Bill, Bill Reed.
I actually quite like this opening shot.
I have to say, for some reason.
What astonishes me is William Shatler's performance, right?
I really want to talk about that because I think even at his most
low effort in other shows.
He always adds some charm and humour to it.
And it's just so flat.
He delivers every line. and he's not written with any charm
washing either.
He's just like this sort of officious man.
It's very strange.
The use of the word aboriginal is super embarrassing as well, but
I guess that was the 60s, but like, yeah, just...
These men sitting around the table, we can't, you know, bother the
women for this important talk.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I was watching Straight Shoe Worlds last week.
And in the opening credits of Strange New Worlds, there are 5
women and 3 men.
It's so right direction.
So much better.
We could just say there, though, Lieutenant Huro will be tracking
us the whole time we're down on the planet doing this episode.
So here's them.
And Bem calls himself this one, which is what Yem did, actually, in
I excretis as well.
So that's something that happens.
And I guess it's an effort to make him sound alien.
So he doesn't call himself I or me.
He calls himself this one.
And there seems to be some gesture at making, because he's a
colony entity or a sort of aggregation of bits and pieces.
And remember he's going to disassemble and, you know, all of his
limbs are going to join other people.
Yeah, it's all very stupid.
But it's something, like, it's an attempt to...
The best bit is when they're in the water and his legs go walking
so funny.
And it's got to have been deliberately funny.
Come on.
Like, I think there are moments here which are laugh out loud
funny because they're stupid and I think they're deliberately
funny.
Like, I don't think they're aiming at sensible and missing.
I figured that that was where we were going.
So that I did like that, whereas his body is still visible, but
his legs are off walking under the water and nicking their faces
and communicators.
And I figured the end of this would be because they're all in
prison.
We'll say they use Ben's amazing powers to escape and that was
going to be just a follow.
He uses them to escape, though.
Look at this transporter chief's moustache.
Not Scotty.
Scotty hasn't got his moustache yet.
That reminds me of someone, you know.
Sort of that red hair.
I can't think who is.
He's someone famous.
Is it fat bastard from Boston Towers?
No, I don't know.
So this is suspicious because they've been on 6 missions already
since Yes, and he's been in his quarters.
Now, Bem set the transporter coordinates which saw Kirk and Spock
land in the water.
And then he's come, look, he's got look at his hand.
He's got, he's got little hands that come out the top of his
body.
He's... come up the top of the water and they don't know this
today.
It's like he's going...
Behind you.
But the great thing is, he picks their pockets.
So he steals their phases and communicators and replaces them with
like cheap plastic imitation phases and communicators and they
don't notice.
And when they go to detect the phases and communicators on board
the Enterprise, they try and detect where they are, they can't
detect them anymore.
So I don't know if he breaks them or what's there or but extreme
way to go in it because he's only testing them.
He wants to see how they will rescue him if he gets himself into a
tricky situation, isn't he?
That's the point of all this.
I guess so.
Now he's Arex speaking.
Um, We said before, it is quite nice because you're in the
animated series.
You can't, you know, it's not prosthetics, it's animation.
So you can have sort of weird and wonderful creatures, which led
to us having that fabulous theme in the time track with all those
aliens. lady with no nose.
The weird cat alien, you know.
Well, so the weird cat alien location, which is what Dr. Tahana is
in lower decks, and we've seen them in prodigy as well.
And I think there's an Admiral, Acacian Admiral, in one of the
films.
So that's come from this series, and then Arax Theodosian has come
from, um, has come from this.
And there are 2 Odosians in 2 separate episodes of lower decks.
They've used the character, again.
I love this.
I don't like that artwork of jungle.
It's sort of striking.
It's lots of bold colours like they do in the original series, you
know.
That's quite nice.
And you just had them as little shadows in the distance, go
through the jungle.
But I mean, just the animation is so cheap, isn't it?
Like, it's so dreadfully cheap.
Well, like I said, they're doing no close opposite, not to animate
anything else, and yeah.
Although I am very pleased in case anyone's been living in
suspense since the 1st TAFs episode we did.
Look, his head and his arm.
Look, his torso just goes off by itself in the background.
What's his torso going to do?
It's got nothing attached to it.
I think for kids like, that's enough, you know.
That's quite, yeah, all those disembodied parts.
It's quite fun.
But it's fabulously stupid, I think, is and deliberately so.
Sorry, go back to that point very quickly.
I just wanted to report that since our 1st TAS episode, they have
in fact, drawn on Ahura's 2nd breast.
Because in the 1st one we did, she only had one boob, but now
she's got two.
Just in case anyone was wondering.
Okay?
So the other thing is, of course, Michelle gets to play another
role in this episode.
She's the godlike voice.
And you can hear it.
Yeah, it is a good performance.
And, and I actually think, and I was saying this to you, um
earlier on, I think that this episode has something in common and
may well have inspired to some degree, uh, Children of the Comet
which is the 2nd episode of Strange New World, which is that
beautiful episode.
Well, because remember that that opens with us seeing primitive
people, like people living in tents, in the desert, and it's 2
women, like it's a mother and a daughter, and they don't, I can't
remember where they speak, but we don't, they didn't say anything
intelligible.
And then we see them at the end, and the comet is there to guard
those people, and the, do you remember the shepherds, the aliens
are called the shepherds, and they worship the comet, and they try
and prevent the enterprise from interfering with the children of
the, of the comet.
And the comet looks after the children and actually ends up
leaving them with a fertile planet to live in.
And the end of the episode sees it raining on that planet.
So I forgot all the details.
Why I remember is her communicating with the music.
It's beautiful and how that's realised and how it is tied into her
character as a communicator.
It was brilliantly done.
It's a very, very good episode. like maybe one of the best of that
season.
So here they've discovered.
And look at the phases.
So did original Trek, I should know this, but did original Trek
have those little phases, like Next Gen does?
Remember how next gen had the dust bust?
We have still enough episodes of original Trek, haven't we?
Because I always liked them.
Like in Star Trek, they have the Dustbuster ones in the 1st season
which look a bit crap, and then they trim them down later for
other seasons, but they also had like tiny little handheld ones
which I thought really cute.
I like the phaser rifles, you know.
They are so pathetic.
They're made of balsa wood.
There's no recoil.
They render any scene, any battle scene they're used in completely
weightless.
You're mad.
So, we probably couldn't have realised there's this long shot here
of all these lizard creatures.
Well, we can't realise that there.
Look, is just a painting of the lizard creatures.
The only thing that is moving is the lizard's tail.
That's it.
And they're wearing nappies as well.
So you just said to them, shut up.
So he calls them Kirk captain and spot commander as well, and I
now want to go back and watch IX Cretus to see where the yam pulls
that trick as well, whether she refers to people that way
creativity, yeah, and imagination.
Well, it's lizard creatures on a jungle planet.
Yeah, yeah, you know.
Super dull.
And then a godlike entity comes along at the end. it's the Apple
isn't it?
We've done this so much already, an original series, you know?
Yeah that's right.
They've got the opportunity with this series to go anywhere and do
anything.
We're just pulling the same old shit and it looks worse than it
did when it was live action.
I do actually like where Shatner goes, why do we always end up
like this?
Why are we always end up in cages?
Maybe, you know, it's fate.
Oh, yeah.
He goes, fate, Spock?
I can't believe it.
Maybe because we can't see Shatner's facial expressions.
I think he brings a lot to the role in his body language as well.
Yeah.
Because we've just got this shitty animation to look at.
Yeah.
But I also think maybe they're not in the same room recording it
and stuff too, so there's no chemistry.
They're not bouncing off one another.
I told you, didn't I?
He was like, you know, on a break from his theatre show.
All right, let's do the lines quick.
So, Yeah.
No, no, no.
I just wondering why they scrabbling here. the hell are we talking
about?
So he's stolen their phases and communicated, which are in his
pocket, but somehow they couldn't detect them on the enterprise
even though Bem had them in his pocket the whole time.
So there was never any sort of suggestion that Ben was going to
hang around, you know, and become a regular.
It was only...
No, no, no. no, no.
The idea was originally, I think, that he was very, very unhuman
like very unlike a human being to the point where even Spock was
going to find him odd.
So what's this?
So, like his bottom half can get out of the fucking cage when it
disembodies itself.
Couldn't he just bend over and get out of a cage?
Like, how does he know?
Like, just doesn't make any sense.
The holes in those bars are so big.
All of them just climb out.
That's right.
This is being fucking drawn.
Make the whole smaller.
This is a hostile planet, not really, actually.
You've been worse.
But so is there something, is there a hint of something here, Bam
wants to experiment on and observe them.
Why are they here?
Like, why are...
Yes, never established, is it?
And are we sort of critiquing what they're doing?
Like, No, you are given this a reading.
Well, except that it's being written by someone and produced by
people who have made good television.
Do you know what I mean?
So the Enterprise is here to investigate and report on this
indigenous life form.
That one seemed to have a bong.
I actually had to go back and sort of rewind it to see if he was
like smoking weed in the...
I thought they were loud.
Oh, there we go.
Here we go.
Here's Ahura.
But isn't that it?
Like, they're supposed to be, and then it happens to them, like
Bam is doing the same thing to them that they were going to do to
the indigenous people.
If the twist of what Ben was doing is sort of hit at the end.
Oh, I was studying you all along.
Instead, 5 minutes into the episode.
He goes well, I'm here to observe how you rescue me.
No, that was about halfway through the episode, to be fair.
I mean, is it early?
very short.
That is 5 minutes long.
That is true, thank God.
So this is Nichelle playing this godlike alien entity. presented
in sort of coloured lights on the screen.
Yeah, yeah.
And like, you know, whatever.
And we have had that before, but it is, again, it's sort of
strange, isn't it?
Because they even suggest that it's like God, you know, that like
in the dialogue here, like these people have a God and that God is
real and that God's looking after them and that's what happens in
Children of the Comet.
And remember, children of the comet is interesting because when
the, when the um, shepherds come on the screen and start making
these claims about the comet and looking after its children on the
planet, they scoff, you know, they just kind of assume that that's
just all bullshit because it's a religious guy saying religious
nutcase stuff.
And then it turns out that it's true and that the comet is
actually able even to kind of tell the future in some way.
And, and like, I think that idea is interesting, but this is
obviously a vast...
Keep a reading like that.
Nothing off episode, you know?
No, you can't because it's just not there.
Because it's just, you know, what are we going to do?
I will have an alien entity and stuff.
And I don't know, the alien entity judges like...
Like, this is to appeal to kids and it is, isn't it, right?
This has been geared at children rather than, I hope, slow-witted
children.
So I think the idea is that Bem's a little scamp that can, you
know, pull himself apart is a bit of a naughty kid and they're
having to deal with his antics.
And I don't even think that really works.
Because it's not fun enough.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, there's one or 2 lines that are kind of funny.
But, yeah, like he's, he thinks they're, I don't know.
Because he's experimenting on them more.
Jesus Christ, its head just went off with his shot where it's like
detached.
Like 3 parts of him having a conversation with Captain Kirk.
It's so, it's so stupid.
But do you know what I mean?
Like, they're observing the alien, the indigenous aliens.
Bams of observing and judging them.
And then Nichelle is godlike Nichelle is judging Bam.
Like Bam says, oh, you know, I've been terrible.
I should disassemble myself because I've done a bad job.
And her job is, you know, observing other aliens or something.
I don't know.
But she she tells him to kind of chill out and he's learned a
valuable lesson or something.
There's something, there's something that they could have been
attempting to do that just hasn't survived the failing to give a
shit element of the process of producing it, I think.
I do I do genuinely think.
What's the, what, they call pandronians.
Yeah.
I do think that you could have had a regular.
If you give them an actual character, you know, and you could have
wonderful situations where they're in deadly danger and the head
goes floating off to tell someone, you know, we need some help.
You know?
Before the legs go running off in a bank heist or something like
that, you know.
It could be great.
And that is a bit annoying.
I think it's what George DeKay said, wasn't it?
When he looked at this, it was like, we had the opportunity to
tell, you know, vastly imaginative stories in animation, you just
did the same old shit, but worse.
Yes, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, and in fact, you know, like producing good animation does
cost money and they clearly don't have enough money to do that.
This is really, really kind of perfunctory and shit.
But when we watch the time trap.
And I know we were similarly scathing about that.
At least had a mystery to it, you know, this Bermuda triangle that
they had to, and then the great year, loads of spaceships.
Well, it was like where all the spaceships gone, weren't they?
They were looking...
They went into this thing and then we got out by doing a thing and
then we have... bomb into the ejector tube.
No, didn't they join the warp cores together or do some just
random shit and get out of it.
It was so bad.
You know, I'm going to post it.
I'm going out now. to anyone who's listening, yeah. contact us on
the socials and tell us what's the really good episode of the
animated series.
I will watch it as an extra.
Oh, it's just like we can say something.
We can fucking roll. like we'll sit there and roll it until it
comes out.
However long it takes. early on, I did notice, you know, that one
of those lizard creatures was very well muscled.
Oh, really?
You know, if I sort of shut my little creatures.
I mean, we're 4 minutes to the end here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank God.
Oh, so now Beam is appalled of how he's behaved, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
One has failed in its judgement.
Yeah, no, and he's going to disassemble himself, isn't he?
And he's going to go off and join other Pandronians, like his arms
and legs.
We did that prodigy episode the other day, yeah, you know
preludes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it fitted in all of those backstories for all the characters
and pushed on the arm.
In 22 minutes. in the same amount of time as this bullshit.
Yeah.
Is it that the audience is more sophisticated now?
Is it that we expect more?
Well, I think television, yeah, I think one of the things that
happens with television as time goes on is it gets more
complicated and the audience gets better at reading it, you know
like I think that I think that television from now would be
bafflingly incomprehensible to people, do you know what I mean?
Like 50 years ago or something or would seem experimental or odd
or something. lovely experiment to run though, wouldn't it?
We could time travel and just hand them, you know?
An episode of lower decks and say, what do you think of this?
But remember, you hear a little bit of that with people my age
going, oh, you know, like I couldn't watch the thick of it because
the camera never stopped moving and you kind of go, okay, grandad
like we'll...
You wait till discovery comes along.
That drone's going to be flying around that shit.
That's you.
Your reaction to discovery.
You know, like, but just stretch it out over decades.
I took vertical tablets towards the Jonathan Frakes directed
ones.
You know, well done.
Yeah.
Yes.
Alternatively, it would be fascinating to put something like this
on now.
But like, and now we're getting a valuable lesson at the end, but
demand recognition.
Yeah, so she's not going to demand punishment even though she's a
godlike alien entity and she actually can't see what the point of
punishment is, which is interesting-ish.
I don't know.
Context is a problem here.
We learn, fuck all about the god godlike alien. where you learn
fuck all about Ben.
We don't know why they're here.
All we've learned is the lesson.
And this is that sort of Saturday morning moral, isn't it?
Where they sort of look out the screen and go, you know, this was
all about this kids, all right?
Yeah, but in a way, it is a sort of weirdly Star Trek-y moral
which is punishment is not rational or intelligent. and taking
revenge isn't intelligent and that when we make an error we should
learn from it.
Like, I think that's a, that's sort of odd.
Like, it's, I'd like it, you know, but it's odd.
Isn't it time to grapple with that idea, though, is there?
No, but there's no, there would have been time if, you know, TV
was a bit quicker and you could fit more stuff in, you know, in 23
minutes like you can now.
I don't know.
Fascinating, captain, highly advanced alien entity using this
particular system for guiding another race to intelligence.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Almost a guard you might say.
Well, but that is sort of almost interesting, is that Star Trek
leaves in a world where there's God, and that's kind of true in
this episode and in children of the comet.
But the way you sort of boil that down to something interesting is
having a character like Q, having a relationship with a character
like Captain Picard.
And that's how you sort of play about with that, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Not just having a load of colour lights coming along and saying
listen to me.
This is the lesson of the week.
Oh, Michelle got to do the final line saying, oh, well, you've
learned an important lesson.
It's just like, oh, I'm feeling morally improved.
Thank Christ, that's over.
That was so bad.
We said at the beginning now.
We could talk about anything. but we might be a bit stuck in
that.
But, like, it's not even, like, there's so little of substances.
There's nothing to grab hold of, you know?
No.
Yeah, and it's not like anything.
Like, it's not about anything, really.
Like, I'm trying to work out what they must have been thinking
because, like, there's all these people here.
No one deliberately sets out to write something shit and you just
sort of wonder how this ends up happening.
I would say that the next episode has started playing on Netflix.
It's called the Practical Joker.
And already there are free Klingon birds of prey firing on the
Enterprise.
It looks way better. sounds a lot better.
I feel we might have rolled that one, you know.
There is a Harry Mud episode. too.
And there's a triple one as well.
Yeah, yeah.
I have seen that one.
Yeah, I've seen that one too.
That's terrible.
So do you agree then in sort of Gene Roddenberry's assertion that
this is all best forgotten?
Or do you think that actually this is this is something that was
created.
Let's acknowledge it.
Let's celebrate it.
And let's do it all the ideas a bit better.
Yeah, well, I think that that's what this version of Star Trek
does.
I think this version of Star Trek that we have now, you know, it's
the one that's taken that low effort Star Trek helmet that was
like the worst piece of Star Trek merchandise that had nothing to
do with the show and it's made at Canon.
And I think it may accidentally have made it cannon twice in 2
different ways.
And the Pandronians have now been back, you know, decades later, we
have another Pantronium character.
Yeah, mental.
But that episode worked perfectly well if you didn't know what a
Pandronian was.
And so they, you know, there's just this rich vein of things.
And I think the lower decks people, because they're the 2nd
animated version of the show, like animated in that particular way
they see this as their predecessor.
And so they are constantly referencing things from it.
There was the giant Spock skeleton in one of the episodes, which
is a reference to it.
We've had a dosians on the show.
You know, like this is uh, something that uh, that it seizes its
sort of uh, predecessor.
And I think that's great.
And it's sort of fun and generous and weird and wonderful, I
think.
Pretty much every criticism I throw at the animated series is
addressed and rectified in Prodigy.
Yeah, you know, which is like, you know, you've got weird and
unusual regulars that you could never realise on a regular budget
a rock bolster, and the robot eyeball, you know, and the, the, the
slime creature, Murph, you know, you've got astonishing visuals
that they could never pull off and in live action Star Trek, and
you've got madly creative stories taking place as well.
You know.
Maybe they looked at this and said, right, let's just do the
opposite of this.
You know?
Yeah, well, I mean, you know, like, I think Roddenbury himself
said that this didn't count as canon, and I'm kind of glad to see
that being sort of flatly reversed because it is part of our sort
of shared experience of Star Trek.
But it's an improvement, isn't it, that something like this is so
low effort that no one would attempt anything as just half assed
as this anymore.
And so when they do make the very 1st Star Trek series directly
aimed at children, they cast Kate Mulgrew.
They, you know, get proper writers in.
They make it look spectacular and they give it a proper, proper
purpose as well.
It's not just doing more of that shit that they did back in the
60s.
It has a sort of proper political and moral purpose.
I think, you know, it's so superior to what this show is, you know
and I think we're lucky that we live in a world where TV is good
on the whole.
Yeah, about 2 final points, yeah.
And I'm going to stop criticising animated series and that's only
because the episode will be over.
The 1st is, thank goodness for the movies. the original series
movies because this would have been the last work that many of
these actors did in the Star Trek universe and that just cannot be
allowed to happen.
And secondly, is this.
I'm pleased this exists.
Not because it's only good, because it allows us to go back and
look at series 3 of the original series and go, I said, you know
what?
That wasn't too bad after all.
We did Spectra of the gun, you know, we thoroughly enjoyed that.
It's very good.
Yeah, works on a 1000000 ways better than this did.
So, um, so yeah.
So this dreadful iteration of Star Trek allows us to look at Fred
Freiburgers attempts and give them a thumbs up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, it's the end of the episode and it is time for us to
work out what we're going to watch next.
I was the one who rolled Bem last week, so it's Joe's turn now.
And so what series are we going to roll from?
Oh, I would like to thank you for rolling Ben though, because I
did get a couple of good naps in during that episode.
Oh, thank you.
I needed the rest.
So, going back to what we talked about last week, which was the
percentages of episodes that we've covered, I would like to inch
up a show that's quite low.
Or even though I feel like we've done quite a few, um, and that is
Star Trek, the Next Generation.
Oh, because I haven't had a good word to say about that now for
about 5 or 6 seconds.
A long time.
I'm starting to question why I am a Star Trek fan.
Given that's kind of where I started.
Yeah, me too.
So, um, so we're gonna, yeah, we're gonna join Captain Picard
again on a, hopefully very exciting adventure.
If you're ready.
All right, I'm ready.
Rest the button.
Your random Star Trek Next Generation episode is season 5, episode
12.
Oh, violations.
You don't really like that one do you?
I don't really like that one because I just think that the rapey
thing is a bit of a thing, but, you know, it's solid series 5 Star
Trek, I think.
I rather do like that one, but unfortunately, I've already pressed
it again.
Okay, good.
Okay.
Oh, all good things.
Okay, we've done that. covered that one.
Your random Star Trek Next Generation episode is season one
episode 11, Haven.
Oh, cracking. starring Rick Astley and Bonnie Tyler.
Do you remember?
Yeah, and Arman Schimmerman as a box.
Oh, is he the box in that?
Oh wow.
Let's try again.
Oh, God, come on.
When the bowel breaks.
No, it's the one way they kidnap all the children in season.
Oh, dear.
Do you think the randomizer's got something against me when I
select Star Trek the next generation?
Try it again.
I'm fine.
Journeys end from series 7.
No, that's so weird, dull.
Season one, episode 22. symbiosis.
Which they just dealt with.
They just went back to those planets in lower text.
Oh, no, okay.
I press it one more time, and I want to do this one.
Because it is one I've got issues with, but I think we should talk
about the issues.
Oh okay.
Season four, episode 23, the host.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Yes, a Dr. Ben. episode.
Yep.
Her annual fucking an alien episode. which is pretty interesting.
They get a chance to sort of examine Gates McFadden's performance
again.
But also it has some very interesting things to say about
bisexuality in the future. very stupid things to say about
bisexuality in the future.
Yeah, okay, the host.
If you dropped her in the middle of discovery, she wouldn't know
what was going on, which is right.
The host, yeah. yeah that would be a good one to talk about.
All right, good plan.
Excellent.
And it's season four.
I don't think we've been there for a while.
Yeah it's good.
Let's do it.
You've been listening to Untitled Star Trek Project with Joe Ford
and Nathan Bottomley, where online at Untitled Star Trek Project
com, where you can find links to our Twitter, mastered on Facebook
and YouTube channel.
Our podcast artwork is by Kayla Sisrin, and the theme was composed
by Cameron Lam.
This episode was recorded on the 17th of July 2023 and released on
the 21st of July.
We'll see you next time for Star Trek the Next Generation, the
host.
Yeah, that's a good...
That's a good E. Yeah.
It's funny, the trill thing, isn't it?
Because the trill really take off, but obviously that stupid head
makeup thing.
Well, there's types of things that are different. did it, didn't
they?
They did it.
And then the producers came in and said, why have you made this
beautiful woman we brought in look like that?
Look like that.
Just give up the spots.
But the spots were just that, weren't they?
And now, like there's trills in it all of the seasons, we had
trilling discovery.
Um, Yeah.
We had a sense here, you know, um, Jim, what's her name?
Tahani from Jameila Jamal.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But also, you know, the, the, the, uh, gray. as well.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That stuff was beautiful, actually. was really good.
Would you remember when um, uh, I can't remember their name.
The other trill, the actual trill host, the tile host, Adira.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we covered that episode, didn't we?
Yeah, and that had all sorts of interesting things to say about
identity and stuff and love.
It was really good.
Like, and they leave doing trills until they get to the future.
Do you know what I mean?
is if they're discovered sometime in the in the 24th century or
something by, you know, 1st content. that romance in there, though
because the actual trail characters are all a bit. sort of Star
Trek aliens, you know, very serious.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, come on, your episode though.
Look back to Chad Zia, you know, she was a good time girl.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Having a bit of fun.
Those hot trill men in the holodeck that she had.
Right, everyone else, you know, as Wolf said.
I don't believe there's anyone on T-space and I, you have not had
revolutions with.
Yeah, good for her. like that.
I like it when she talks to Kira and wise her up about all the
weird people she fancies.
He goes, I went on a date with that Captain Bodet.
She goes, really?
The one with the transparent skull.
Skull.
Great.
So the mourn conversation as well. remember that?
The little bristles.
Yeah, but that's like that's, I like that in a way.
Oh, you know, the horrible, horny horniness in series one or 2 of
Star Trek Next Generation, which is sort of gross. sort of leaves
your keys in this bowl by the door.
You know, like, uh, um, but that, you know, that's, and it's a
grown-up attitude to sex that you don't ever get on Voyager.
Yeah, you know, or Enterprise. times we've talked about enterprise
and how shit...
How can we live?
into the holiday, you know.
Yuck.
Yuck, yuck.
Although 7 does have some great lines about Sex on Voyager, you
know.
Yeah, why doesn't she tell, tell him.
I don't keep it taking his clothes off. on deck deck 16 that
doesn't know when you're having relations.
No, but doesn't she tell, doesn't she tell Harry him to remove his
clothes?
Oh, just like that as well.
You may remove your clothes.
He's like, oh, no, what?
She goes, there is unacceptable illumination in here.
He goes, no, but it's quite relaxing, don't you think?
She's only realising, yeah.
Oh dear.
It's like it's like straight panic, yes.
There was some really funny sex stuff in this week's Drain Shoe
Worlds because it was like the annual Spock to Pring comedy
episode.
And like, it was good, like, and really funny, ridiculous stuff.
There's a scene between Spock and Laan suddenly realises what's
going on and puts a stop to it.
Like, it's very funny and, you know, like properly good.
I think I'm going to binge the whole, when it's out, I'm going to
do all of them.
You did watch the Spock to bring body swap episode from series.
Yeah, yeah.
I watched the order of one.
Yeah, I don't think you watched the last episode.
Did you?
And you didn't want to...
Lift us where suffering cannot reach, which Gemma hated, and I
thought was really good.
That's good.
It was a good episode.
The weird non-urgency tonight to have to watch new stuff.
It's very strange.
And you've got the crossover.
So the episode, so when this episode goes out, they'll, they'll
have done episode 6 and then episode 7 is the crossover episode.
You have to remember how much media I'm consuming, though, all
right?
Yeah, this is all I watch.
Yeah, yeah.
Books, audios, television.
It is true.
I'm going to press stop. do you reckon?