Hey, Joe. Hi.
So this week we're on board Enterprise for season two, episode
four, an episode called Dead Stop, which went out on the 9th of
October 2002, and it's directed by Roxanne Dawson.
Yes, also living up to her tradition of playing evil computer
people that try and kill all the regulars like Dreadnall.
She's in this as well, isn't she?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't actually recognise it because she is doing very sort of
generic American lady announcer, like TV announcer or something.
But I did listen again after reading the memory alpha page and
it's unmistakeably her, isn't it?
Well, like Roxanne, you're directing this one, you know, and you
did that great voice in Treadnought.
Will you just do it for us again?
save us a bit of money.
Calling this dead stop, Nathan.
That was a bit bold, wasn't it?
Like, that's usually what happens with our interests when we watch
the 1st 2 series of Star Trek Enterprise.
And, you know, pleasingly, both of us, I think, had quite a
enjoyable reaction, at least for the 1st half of this episode
where it is doing something a little bit different.
And that's not something you can usually ever point at enterprise
and say.
Yeah, in fact, I remember thinking that it was charming.
Like actually really quite enjoying it and getting to the kind of
halfway point and being a little bit pleased that nothing very
much had happened because I was just kind of enjoying hanging out
and seeing this new environment.
And this is not really a Star Trek environment, I think.
This reminded me a little bit of something that you might find in
the kind of new series of Doctor Who.
It reminded me a little bit of the sort of random places that they
land in Red Dwarf.
It would have had a lot more jokes, you know, and crazy fast cool
things happening, but, you know, just a weird space station in
space automated where you have to give up something in order for
it to repair things for you.
That's such a juicy idea.
But you're right, it is a really red dwarf idea. actually.
I think you're right.
And I think the other thing too is that with Star Trek, the Next
Generation and sort of generally 90s trek, you can see that all of
the sets of the stations or the colonies or whatever are kind of
built up out of bits and pieces that they have lying around.
And maybe they have a bit more money or something.
But this had a very 1970s kind of vision of the future with the
gleaming white walls and stuff.
The sort of thing that you get on, say, Space 1999 or actually on
Strange New Worlds.
That's the aesthetic on Strangely Worlds, I think.
Doctor Who's Ark in Space is literally this, isn't it?
It's all clinical, so the horror stands out.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I really liked that.
I thought that was really good and I thought that just the
interactions like the the frustration of not being able to get
past a phone tree and speak to a real person.
Like all of that stuff was a kind of Star Trek-y thing on
something that was sort of fairly modern at the time, an annoying
part of everyday 21st century line.
We've all been there, haven't we?
And they literally do the thing where it just keeps repeating
itself until you do what it wants you to do.
Otherwise, this ain't going any further.
So I just thought all of that was really charming.
And I did think too, what was good was just the very light
serialisation.
And I think that that's a really good thing for Star Trek.
Because this episode would have worked if you hadn't seen last
week's episode, you would have just gone, we wish we happened last
week.
Yeah, it was a terrible episode.
We've talked about it already.
It's minefield.
But Malcolm's been injured.
The ship's been damaged and we need to do something.
And like, I actually thought that that would have worked.
We could have just started a Star Trek episode like that.
We wouldn't have to have seen what happened last week and it would
still have worked.
Then it would have been narratively a little bit more interesting
than what you normally get with Star Trek, which is we're just
going along with the status quo and then a thing happens.
You know, when Voyager does, you know, the killing game and it
starts in the middle of a thing after the ship has already been
taken over, for instance, or counterpoint, where they're already
in this situation that they're aware of, but we're not.
That's always interesting in Star Trek and you kind of get that
here.
I thought that worked really well.
Well, it's just creating the story here out of the consequences of
what happened last week whilst being no part of the episode last
week.
It's really, like, the Undertime Voyager, I can ever remember
doing this, is the end of Scorpion into the gift. where the ship's
still covered in all of our bork technology.
Why did they take it off?
It looks so right.
And it makes sense, right?
You know, we've been damaged by the minefield in the last
episode.
So we need to go and repair.
It's no great sort of sweeps of imagination to get there, but the
imagination is in the execution and the concept of this weird
quiet machine that, you know, the arms just come out and start
building things, but, you know, it was something from you before
it actually died.
Who does he belong to this thing?
We never find out.
Yeah, that's kind of great. awesome, isn't it?
It's really good.
It's a bit of a risk as well.
Yeah.
So the Tellerites, who, obviously, to Paul is aware of, but the
others aren't, which is kind of interesting, they direct them to
the station, and you can see why they might do that because the
price is sort of fairly low, and if you fall for their evil plan
you won't be aware that one of your crew members has gone
missing.
And in fact, there might be a telerizing.
How did we ever notice?
What's his name again?
Yeah, Travis.
I don't even know his name.
We've done so many episodes.
Travis.
How would we even notice you wasn't there?
If he don't get a line next week?
Well, that's fine.
That's the status quo.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I'll talk about how this handles Travis and I think it
handles it really badly and it's probably the worst thing about
the episode.
It does get its top off, though.
So not altogether badly.
Yeah, I've seen what started there is rippling muscles on
display.
Oh, how lovely.
Yeah, they finally learn how to write these characters.
Do you remember how stiff they were in minefield, Reed and Archer
how stiff they were having breakfast together?
There's no hint of that here.
They're all kind of chill around, even reeds.
Like it's kind of chill around people.
You are right, though.
You hit the middle of the episode and a sort of amiable romp in a
fun scenario becomes a stock Star Trek episode where the thing is
trying, like you said, there's duplicates of people were trying to
convince that a regular character is dead.
They're not going to die in this, are they?
Good grief.
And then, you know, we're going through the guts of the ship to
find lots of regular characters from all the different adjacent
Star Trek Enterprise shows where there's one crew member of their
show in the bowels of the ship and then they stop it, blow it up
and go.
And I was just like, right, what started off as something with a
bit of imagination ends in a sort of very standard Star Trek.
And there isn't.
I'll be honest, there risen when their action starts and I use the
term loosely, much dynamism in it.
They do just sort of walk from room to room. you know?
It's certainly a lot better than the Enterprise episodes we have
done in season one or 2 to this point, but I did, I've said to you
several times off, Mike, if this was any other Star Trek show, if
this was any other Star Trek crew, this would be gold, this
episode, I would think you could spin something really funny, a
bit chaotic.
I mean, DS and I, man.
I just want to see Odo and Quark.
Investigating this ship.
You said Shubac and Neelix.
I mean, Spock and McCoy. would be amazing.
Instead, we've got the sort of Trek light characters of the
Enterprise crew wandering through being, okay.
Yeah, I have to say that the more I watch Enterprise, the more I
grow fond of these characters.
And I particularly like Stockholm Syndrome, though, isn't it?
Yeah, probably.
It is probably.
I still dislike Archer and again, Archer really kind of only has
one way of showing emotion and it's by being aggressive.
And I thought that that was sort of particularly apparent here.
He has one good season, doesn't he, Archer, which is season four
where I think Bacula's got enough weight at that and a new
showrunners come in.
He's like, can you just make me less of a cunt, please?
I'm going to play it that way anyway. less of a cunt.
So can you write that?
Do you know what I mean?
Do you know how charming I am?
No, you look in the captains where William Shatner goes around and
interviews all the captains, you know, Avery Brooks at the piano
like a complete lunatic and Kate Mulgrew talking about a fabulous
theatrical career and all this.
Scott Bacula turns up on a fucking horse with a guitar.
It's almost like he's gone, look.
This is what you could have got, all right?
if you'd written me well.
And he gets off and he shakes his hand.
He's got this huge expressive smile, he starts playing the guitar
and you're like, who is this man?
We never saw him before seasons.
Yeah.
It's a bit unfortunate.
Yeah.
Well, look, there are some...
That was sort of a deep breath for both of us.
Look, there are some longer in this episode.
It's not very fast moving, and I don't want to run out of things
to say in the next 45 minutes, so I'm sorry, I think we might be
done, I'm afraid.
No, there's lovely special effects. talk about those.
We absolutely can.
All right.
I will count us in in that case.
Okay.
Five, four, three, two, one, and we're off.
I'll just look at my list.
Oh, no, I have exhausted all my talking points.
I'm sorry. things.
But this thing, fabulous.
Yeah, yeah, because you can distress the shit because it's
computer generated.
You can do a really, really good job of doing damage to the ship.
And I actually really like just how much how much of a predicament
there in.
You know, they can't, they can travel at warp too, and that just
means here in 2151 or whatever, it will take them 10 years to get
home, you know, and you don't have to throw someone into the delta
quadrant to make, to strand them.
I think, oh, you forget, oh, I certainly do, that they are inside
a massive tin box, just all of these little rooms inside a massive
tin box where there is a maybe 5 inches between you and the vacuum
of space.
So when you see the side of the ship like that torn open with all
the little rooms and the 30, yeah, the caranors and stuff, it's
good.
That sells the, it's dangerous out there in space better than the
whole 1st season of enterprise.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I think it's really good.
I think that was really good.
And I gather, and I don't know anything about this, and all of the
people who know more about Enterprise than me who are listening
will be shouting at their phones, but lunatics.
But I think the next episode after this, Marauders is also
something that follows on from this.
You know, so it is this sort of, there's a little bit of mild
serialisation here, which I think Star Trek could always afford to
do.
It's not sort of the occupation arc of DS9 season six, is it?
But we appreciate, you know, actions having concert.
Oh here we go.
It's been a long time.
Oh, it's before it's Enterprise before it's Star Trek Enterprise.
Why didn't Bacula get off the horse and sing that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, thief.
That would have been great.
Awesome.
All of our great achievements through history.
You know, I just love the joke that we've told before, and now I
can read about it in the transcript, you know, about they seem to
be suggesting the greatest achievement at the end of this title
sequence is Star Trek Enterprise, the TV program.
Because that's where they land at the end, isn't it?
It's humanity's greatest achievement.
Bradan, no, we beg to differ.
You know that shot or the challenger there going up.
You know that shot of the space rocket going up?
I think that's been used in 2 Doctor Who stories.
It's like a Satin 5 rocket, isn't it?
Probably.
Yeah.
Now, I think humanity's greatest achievement was learning to spell
enterprise with an S instead of a Z. Yeah.
Yeah.
And their worst achievement was ripping Star Trek from the title.
You fools.
No one's watching anymore.
At the time, I actually thought that if you wanted to change up
how Star Trek gets named, basically the only thing that you could
call it is Enterprise.
I mean, the reason the ship's called Enterprise is because Star
Trek's not in the title and what else do you have?
Do you know what I mean?
You have the Enterprise.
Nathan, last week, we were quite enamoured with Patrick Stewart's
impressive bulge in his pants.
There's just been a pull back on Malcolm Reid there in very
unflattering sort of box of shorts. skinny legs.
There's just nothing in there, is there?
I mean, if he wasn't boring enough.
I think what's really funny here is Billingsley, of course, and
his dialogue.
Brilliant.
And so and so Malcolm says, I thought, you know, the Hippocratic
oath says that you aren't allowed to cause harm.
And he said, no, it wasn't causing harm.
It was just causing you pain and I can do that as much as I like.
Which is really good.
Do you know how much you people annoy me?
I call you pain all the time.
Oh, there's your shot at the dog.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so and the camera is right on the ground all the way through
this shot.
We've got sort of weird...
Yeah it's really good.
But the dog actually gets some very nice shots.
I think she gets bored along with the episode.
She's really invested in the 1st half, setting up this place.
By the end of the episode, she's sort of like, oh, point it and
shoot.
We've done this on Voyager, you know.
But this is just that scene is just from the dog's point of view.
Like, the camera has the dog right in the middle of it.
Not since the opening of a night in Sick Bay, has the dog featured
so strongly, I think.
Isn't it nice though?
She's full.
This is a very functional scene.
Can I do some perspective wise with the dog?
Can I just make it about the dog?
We have had a dog closer to the camera than Captain Archer.
I think people might keep watching.
It worked on me.
Of course it did.
Oh, Jolene, you're still in your...
I mean, she's she's all right in this.
I do wish she had a few more jokes, though.
Yeah.
Oh, she does get better, doesn't she?
I think she gets really good.
I really like Jolene, but she's being a bit boringly written.
She's sort of slightly emerged from her you fucking idiot stage.
Do you know what I mean?
But we did love that, though.
She was the only one talking any sense, wasn't she?
all the episodes.
Look at it.
It looks like Doctor Who, like 2 toilet rolls in space.
It's like hair rollers.
It's actually very classic trek remastered, I think, is what
they're going for, is the look.
What, from something else?
No, no, I'm just saying, you know, it's geometrical.
It's that...
It's moving directly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is retro.
Yeah.
Oh, I was so pleased in this as well.
I mean, I was pleased that Travis got to do anything.
But then Hoshi got a scene as well.
I thought, my God, they've given them something to do in the same
episode.
Do you know what?
They ran out of ink in their barrow that week.
Marking the script.
So, I think the problem is, like, so you're going to kill Travis
right?
And you don't want it to be a surprise, and you don't want to make
too much of it because the audience knows it's fake, right?
What's the point then?
So, yeah.
But why don't you make it about Travis at the beginning?
Do you know what I mean?
Why don't you tell the story from his point of view?
He's really underserved.
We don't see what his day is like.
We never see what it's like.
So why not make him the focus character for the episode and then
have him killed?
He's a boomer, right?
Maybe he was flying around one time and he needed some repairs and
he's been here before.
Yeah, he thought, no, that I don't recognise that.
And, you know, but he went exploring a bit.
You know, it's just something like that, something to tie into.
Because he's just a nothing character, isn't he?
No, because because when Hoshi goes to see him in a scene that I
think is actually pretty good and mostly because of the acts
really well, and she's great.
Backstory, she seems to suggest I've never seen any evidence of
it.
No, that's right.
She tells a story about him being a great jokester, and it's just
like, really?
Because as far as I can tell, he has no personal characteristics
of any kind.
We've got to point this out because we write one, I love the thing
that comes out of the console that Jolene looks into on the
bridge.
I don't know why, but I just like things that emerge out on like
that. quite fabulous.
Two, when the space station opened up like a flower and the camera
came around and you saw the enterprise through there, that's a
great special effect shot.
And now you just see like docking ports coming out, arms moving.
It's like you said, they can do tech now.
The special effects are there that they can do tech convincingly.
They can't do tech, but they can do tech.
It looks great.
But these tunnels look amazing, don't they?
We're entering the Twilight Zone.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's very Doctor Who-ish, though.
It is very kind of the girl who waited.
You know, like, squint a bit.
You can see Chris Barry there.
Daddy John George.
It's also very red dwarf.
All right.
They've got a lot in common.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it should be lacking in atmosphere because it is so sterile
but because it's so quiet as well.
There is even a eerie atmosphere.
Like that shot of the Enterprise is a 3D holographic image, I know
that's just normal in Star Trek, you know, in modern Star Trek, but
that's pretty impressive, I think.
Well, as well as Roxanne going, can we just get the camera on the
ceiling, please, shoot down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She is great.
I think she's learned a lot of lessons from forager, you know
because she did some pretty dismal.
She directed some terrible gorgeous.
What about this, right?
So there's a scratch that it's detected on the hull, which is
where Tripp bumped it.
And it, and Archer says, I thought I told you to have that
repainted, and there's a little bit of a thing there.
But Archer says it in an aggressive way rather than in a funny
way.
Like, that's clearly meant to be a funny line.
Imagine Avery, you know.
You said you'd repainted that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it doesn't matter, but he's like properly aggressive about
it.
Like it's unpleasant.
I don't know why he plays it like.
Something bad happened in his past.
Do you think?
He just likes taking it out on all of his inferiors on the ship.
Maybe.
So he's he's Roxanne doing the voice.
And, you know, like, Archer's right to be suspicious of this and
he sort of does the right thing.
Gosh, he's stiff, isn't he?
Holy crap.
Yeah.
Well, they all are a bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do love, though, the bargain, because I kept thinking, oh, okay
so it's going to be too much. to do the repairs, the thing's going
to ask too much.
That's all I understand.
Trek approach.
No, they just want, what is it, 200 litres of some fluid or a
couple of reactor oils or something like that?
So I was like, oh, how reasonable.
Now I'm even more I'll find this even more sinister.
Yeah.
Oh, you see, that's the other thing too.
I kind of like the fact that, you know, the atmosphere was helium
from a distance and now, you know, they're noticing that all the
signage is in English, you know, like, like, it's this
inexplicable welcoming technology and stuff, which obviously makes
them suspicious, but it's so different from what Star Trek
normally does.
But we've watched, we've read enough Grimm's Fairy Tales now.
You know, we know if there's someone who looks suspiciously a bit
like a witch, but you know, with a wig on and is holding out an
apple in front of the cottage to us, then you just don't take it
all right?
You go.
So the 2nd that this computer is, oh, I think we can spare some
plasma.
We know that something bad.
It's happening on this station.
Yeah.
Well, and so does Archer.
But I was actually enjoying myself so much. during this that I
didn't really want to think about how it was going to inevitably
go wrong.
And I just remember looking at the clock, it sort of 22 minutes in
and stuff and thinking, oh, wow, nothing bad has happened yet.
There's been no jeopardy yet.
I thought that was really just kind of refreshing.
I want to be specific though.
I was, I was also enjoying myself, but I, in terms of aesthetics
and in terms of the technology, it was shown that I had never seen
before.
And in terms of some of the execution, you know, the camera angles
we've talked about, it wasn't really the characters that were
thrilling me.
It was the scenario we were in.
Yeah.
They're all right.
I don't want to shit on them from a great height.
They're all right, but all right, don't really cut it when you've
just had the DS9 and Voyager and TNG crew, you know?
go from 7 seasons and reach peaks.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, like, I think Trooper's great.
I think Tapol is great.
I think Billingsley, like I think that Flux is incredibly good, you
know, as good as anyone, any Star Trek regular has ever been.
I think one person, I think, who comes out this of like, you could
put him in any of the other shows.
Yeah, and he would fly.
Would he be the best thing in those shows, though?
I don't know.
Maybe not, but he would be very good.
I think he is great. you know.
I love, again, you know, like just this stuff about technology
like I know that sort of boring, but I'm a Star Trek nerd and I
just kind of like that.
And so having them discover these replicators for the 1st time
having the windows with all of the repair equipment, you know
happening outside and later on when this room's full of enterprise
crew members and the ships being assembled outside the window.
I think that's terrific.
Well, and it gets one up on minefield.
I don't know if you remember, chef's amazing breakfast.
I can't remember what he makes now.
It looked dismal because it had clearly been there on the set for
ages.
Well, Tripp actually eats the food in this. takes a little
nibble.
I just love how to poll orders a glass of cold water.
Fucking so boring.
Pork would have been like one warp core breach, please.
Tykalian ale.
Do you remember that warp core breech drink?
Foam in everywhere?
Yeah, awesome.
I mean, it's so cheesy that fucking trip board is a catfish as
well.
Like, it's like, come on, dude. but geographically specific.
Yeah, that's right.
But, like, it looks like real food.
Like, it looks like real proper food.
Like, I hate fish, but that, you know, and he just...
Oh, I like fish, you know.
I do like a man doesn't sit down Why doesn't he sit down and eat
it?
It just seems ridiculous.
Like he's standing there.
You know, there's no, if he'd be far too relaxed then and we're
doing the sort of stiff period of enterprise, aren't we?
Not a lot of emotion on anyone's face.
Now to Paul I can forgive.
Archer's just got nothing going on in his face at all.
At least Tripp's excited by the catfish. like come on.
Hang on. if we're geographically specific.
So what?
Would Malcolm Reed come in and go, you know, cucumber sandwiches
please?
What would Hoshi order?
You eat a lot of Asian food?
How shoulder?
Something delicious.
Korean?
I don't know.
What's her back?
I know what her background is.
Is she Japanese?
don't know.
It would be it would look amazing though.
Look at this.
This is white.
It's literally putting the walls back on with its mechanical
arms.
Yeah, yeah.
Like it replicates a wall and a bit of wall and then puts it back
in and seals it up.
And then this, which is just looks like an exocomp that they've
painted.
No, it's on inside.
Look, you can see his mouth. isn't it?
It's that peanut butter have pop.
I can see.
Oh, no, Malcolm Rood.
You're in your underwear and you look so unsexy.
How do you achieve these levels of autumn?
Bless his heart.
I know what?
I love the fact.
I do love the fact that the actor has since developed his own Star
Trek podcast and, you know, he's made a sort of more of a name for
himself doing that than he has actually being a part of the show
but this was not the best part of your career.
No, it's not good.
It's not good.
Like, look, Billingsley doesn't have to try to be funny.
He's trying to do faces and weird body language and all sorts.
Billy Lou's just standing there being funny.
Yeah.
I mean, it's like, there's that particular English way of being
funny that we talked about.
Oh, would you do it again?
It was funny.
Sid doing.
Or a drink. or a drink.
Oh, Nathan, you'd make such an awkward Englishman, you know.
How wonderful.
Watch a lot of English television.
You try and convince us you're a confident Australian.
Come on.
Oh, so like she does a gag here, doesn't she?
She sort of does a line about the gremlin.
It's not really funny.
Um, but like it is the sort of thing that they lean into later
when they're kind of getting her to loosen up a bit.
Do you remember, though, when we watched emissary, we said how
Avery Brooks had that fabulous sort of rye grid on his face
throughout all of the scenes as he's meeting all these angry women
and stuff on the station.
And it just seemed to be having a great time.
I don't think Captain Archer ever has a good time.
No, no he's so miserable.
You see, even the thing, like the thing that Archer regrets most
of all is not the fact that he's never really had a conversation
with Travis ever, but the fact that he invited him to breakfast
and then receive the invitation. so sad about that.
He says it's not something like that. you know, he's put it in his
diary.
He's mentioned that he can't have chefs miserable looking devilled
eggs or whatever they were.
But all of it.
Is that all you have to say about him when he's there?
That's it because we have nothing.
We know nothing about him.
He has no characteristics at all.
Think about how like what a shitty job.
The Denise Crosby hologram did.
Oh, look, there was pretty Travis laughing in the background. smile
on his face, you know?
He didn't that to do that.
Get his clothes off as well.
I don't mind objectifying him.
Actually, there's an insistent rule from the station that you have
to be naked when you're eating in the restroom, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would just open things up considerably.
Oh yeah, no, Marathon Reed's there.
Sorry, I'm drinking more.
I mean, I think that they do an attempt, don't they, kind of male
friendship, which obviously is sort of a pale imitation of
anything that you get in Deep Space nine.
No, you know what it is.
It's a late version of Viz magazine.
They lean into it in a couple of episodes where they're down on
sure leave, looking to fuck all the women on the planet and
getting drunk together.
And, you know, I mean, it's loaded magazine as written by middle
class old Americans.
Yes, yeah, I think you're right.
I think you're right People really rate that friendship.
I just, oh, it just gives me the ick.
Look at the, like, do you know what a palm pile it is?
No, is it?
Okay, okay.
It was a little computer that just looked like that looks like a
little Windows CE computer from like the period, the little
computer that they're handing to each other.
Oh my god.
Oh, you see, this is stupid, isn't it?
So they decide. to go and look at the computer.
They decide to go and look for the computer and that's what sets
all this off or something.
It isn't really because the computer is going to kind of get
Travis anyway, I guess.
But what you want, right?
is like, I mean, not this extreme.
But, you know, tiptoe-y music and them going, shh, you know, and
like, you want it to be a fun secret.
Yeah, just sort of like, open the door.
Try this bit of technobabble.
Actually, I've got this bit of technology in my pocket.
There we go. get in that way.
Let's call through some Jeffries, you know.
Yeah, the usual Star Trek shit.
Magic Cork and Odo doing that, Jesus Christ.
I mean, we did it, didn't we?
You're going to hit them with a box.
You know, you can make this stuff funny.
I am enjoying watching them.
Look at how she that bit of grating on the ceiling was.
That's amazing.
I've seen this scene in Wars of the Deep, you know.
That is exactly where I was going as well.
Well, look, we're trying to be funny here.
We're trying to do a little bit of physical comedy there.
Where?
Oh, like just how clumsy they are getting up through the thing.
Like one lifting the other one up is...
Oh, my word.
Oh, my actual word.
He, oh, look at that, Balty Nathan.
Good grief.
Don't put your top on, mate.
God sakes. look at that.
Did you know what, right?
Do you see his underwear compared to Malcolm Reeves?
He knows how to be sexy, you know?
Travis.
He wears a lot of makeup.
They give Travis so much makeup.
Don't they?
don't understand.
Being the prettiest man on this entire show, why just doesn't get
all the exposure in the 4 seasons instead of none of it.
We know why he doesn't because they're, you know, unfortunate
racists.
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, I mean, it's it is unfortunate.
It's a huge shame because he is so attractive.
He's adorable.
This should be hilarious, right?
They're crawling along the floor and Jolene's raising an eyebrow.
Well, at least Roxanne knows how to shoot it.
Do you know what I mean?
with them looking up at her and her staring superciliously down at
them.
Like she knows how to do it.
But I'm going to give you a direct comparison now.
There's a wonderful scene in the magnificent Ferengi's so long.
They're crawling along Jeffrey's tubes, Quark and ROM delivering
all this exposition about going to save Mookie from the Dominion
yeah?
And we go up and down corridors, up ladders, and then all of a
sudden, the thing bursts out of Cisco's war with his office, and
they both go through and Cisco's like, can I help you, gentlemen
and Rom just goes, I was following you.
That's how you do it.
Yeah, yeah.
No, they're not funny, are they?
I mean, it's different riders.
It's the nonfunny writing team.
That's right.
Have we ever sort of had a belly laugh at this show?
No, what she needs.
I did actually like Archer's line about, you know, where Tripp
tries to take responsibility for it.
And he goes, yeah, I think Malcolm's old enough to make his own
decisions here.
Do you know what I mean?
It's just like, yeah, good try.
Nice try.
But even here, there's that slight nastiness where he went, yeah
you were questioning my slackness the other day.
Yeah, maybe you had a point about the slackness on this ship.
I can't remember his outline.
I'm like, why are you being such a cunt?
That's right.
Oh, has he slighted you?
I'm so sorry.
Jesus, go and grab your foosball or whatever it is.
You'll feel better.
Oh, water polo, for God's sake, yeah.
Oh, good, it's Billingsley.
We in good hands here.
Yeah, yeah.
He's dead.
And it's the usual thing too.
Like, Captain, you need to come here.
It's just like, can you just tell me, like, just tell me.
You don't have to bring me there and then surprise me by, you know
at the end in time for the ad break.
Well, it's right truth.
It didn't end on on the corpse.
It ended on Archer.
So it could have been anywhere. literally been anywhere, got the
news.
So this is, yeah, that's right.
He could have just, he could have just said it.
So now this is the 2nd more boring half of the episode.
And part of the reason it doesn't work is, of course, that you
don't buy the death and that's kind of central to it.
Um, and that the episode hasn't been about, uh, Travis.
And so anything anyone says about Travis, um, just doesn't land.
Is that right?
Oh, when was that?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, do you think that, do you think that that scene where we
open on the, in the rec room and Travis is there talking to
someone and he's laughing uproariously?
Like just done one of his practical jokes?
Is that it?
Like, I think it just is to try to create some credibility for
that thing that, oh, she says.
I mean, they could have set that up at any point.
It just had one child being scene where he does a practical joke
at some point.
Like have the episode about him at the beginning, like tell the
story of his day.
You don't always just have to do.
I mean, this is the, it's like they've forgotten the Michael
Piller lesson that these things need to happen.
Like there needs to be an individual who the episodes about.
Instead, this is just about the crew doing space things and it's
not about how a person is impacted by it.
We were doing it in the same way in emissary.
We literally wouldn't have had any of that pre-title sequence of
Jennifer dying, right?
We wouldn't have had the scene of Picard and Cisco, you know, being
angry with each other because he was there when she died.
It would just be the scene at the end where he goes, well, you
know, my wife died and I exist here.
We'd be going, what?
What the hell?
Yeah, where did that come from?
It does feel like they've unlearnt a few lessons.
Yeah, yeah.
Or actually, because it's a different writing team.
They've never learned.
They never know that.
Yeah.
I mean this, this is the Armageddon factor.
It's just walking around this room talking to this computer
computer.
Yeah, yeah.
With the Spangley lights on it.
Yeah, but you know, we are fans of the cheap tat Doctor Who, so we
don't mind too much of Star Trek's leaning into it a little bit.
Yeah, although this is a big, you know, this isn't a terrible
sand.
I think that computer is like not as good as Nomad, but I think
the walls are quite nice.
Jesus, good as no, come on. you know.
If that space station was holed up on a wobbly string, I would
have been delighted.
And Sam had played nomad.
The thing is, though, the big difference is Doctor Who's greatest
strength is it's very witty.
Yeah, it's a very funny show.
Whereas I'm not sure enterprise, I've learned a lesson.
I can think of a few scenarios, you know, like, would you remember
when in a night in Sick Bay, we had those bats flying about the
place?
We was laughing at that, but it wasn't really the acting or the
right.
It was just a scenario, wasn't it?
Oh, no, I mean, I think that a night in Sick Bay is genuinely
funny.
Like, and I think it's trying to be.
Like, I think it's actually pretty good.
And that scene is pretty good because it's to middle-aged man
being absolute dipshits and then, you know, Hoshi walks in and
catches the bat, like plucks it out of the air.
Like, I think there's genuine, like there are funny things
happening there.
It's very hot though.
It's very hard to do a comedy in season 3 where suddenly at the
Enterprise crew or a bunch of terrorists, you know?
Yeah, find a comedy in that scenario.
It's quite hard.
But they do try and do and I can't wait till we roll it.
Jammer gives it 0 stars.
An episode called Precious Cargo, and it's supposed to be like, you
know, like an old-fashioned screwball comedy with 2 romantic leads
that it's guest alien of the week and trip down on the planet, but
they pull in some dreadful model that's never acted before.
And so none of the comedy lands.
It's a like textbook how not to do comedy television.
So like Sam K. Yanson, no, the perfect mate.
Is that what it's called?
Yeah.
Fine inferior to that.
Okay.
So again, you know, you have 2 of the best actors on the show, I
think Hoshi does a great job here.
You know, I love the bit where Billingsley says, you know, he's 26
is too young to be on this table.
I thought that was a good line.
I mean, this this scene about the hilarious prank that Travis
played on her, which is just not funny in any way, just kind
of...
It was only strawberry gelatin, Nathan.
You just think, what?
So why was that funny?
Like, 0 my god, and she's...
You remember what we heard about the Sonic shower with the chilli
sauce?
That was funny.
Yeah, that was funny.
But she's doing really well.
Like, he's doing really well.
I love.
I do love him saying to her, you know, this is going to be hard
for you to see because you've seen dead bodies, but not of someone
that you know, and I thought that was really nice and sort of
humane.
Like, he's great.
Why do they ever do this with the regulars?
It's never going to convince, right?
And it means that our regulars that are left alive have to go
through these hoops of sort of pretending to us, but they're
really sad.
And we do it a lot, right?
There's a lot of it in 90s trek.
Yeah, it isn't, it generally doesn't work, does it?
I mean, Paul Hoshi and Vanishing Point, you know?
That was terrible.
I wonder what part of Travis they were going to send home to his
family, you know?
We've extracted some snot from his nose.
We put it in a little device and posted it to you.
Well, in fact, there is a line here saying that because they live
on a cargo ship or something we're not able to contact them.
So fortunately, we weren't put through that just utterly butt
clenchingly embarrassing.
No, inadvertently funny.
Come on.
So you're saying she's dead?
Well, it's very out here in space.
Is she dead?
Well, so she went on to the spot.
Right, yes. to the fucking point. so bad.
That was so inept.
Do we ever meet Travis's parents?
I bet they're hot as hell.
Why don't we meet them?
There is an episode, isn't there with him in it, like a boomer
centric episode.
Isn't there?
Singular.
Yeah, yeah.
He gets a focus episode.
My God.
Brannanham.
Oh god, I forgot his name.
Rick.
They must have taken their eye on the ball that week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes, again, so this scene is also very boring and, you know, this
is what I was just saying.
They can't catch his parents and so we don't have to have that
scene, then what's happening?
Everyone's very solid.
How am I going to tell them?
Which part of the your son is dead speech?
Will I do this time?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Space is complex and very big.
Oh, what a surprise.
This is not.
Ensign Mayweather.
I don't do it to us for too long.
And they don't go out on a cliffhanger into, you know, Yeah, yeah
credits with it.
And I do like, I actually like how he discovers it.
I thought that was pretty good.
So he has to sell it though, can't he?
Yeah, yeah. that's right.
But there was a there was a little visual that sort of explained
it as well.
And, uh, you know, like it made sense that they can create dead
things but not living things.
And so the way that we know that it's not travesties because
everyone was given that inoculation.
And because it was an inoculation that came from Dr. Flox, it was
full of little living microorganisms because Dr. Flox is a weirdo
who already lost a regular bloodworm in Malcolm's leg earlier in
the episode.
And so, and so all of that stuff works.
It's like actually quite a good techno babble story and he sells
it with these visuals and stuff.
I thought that was pretty good.
I feel like you've may have ruined Dr. Flock's for me though.
Ever since, you know, you put him in a 1970s porn movie with his
bizarre sort of very loose clothing that he wears over his ample
frame.
Now, look, he's in that sort of rubber gear there doing the
autopsy or whatever it is.
I mean, I can just see him in some dungeon right now.
With his many wives and co-husbands.
But that's what I like about him because he's a bit older, I think
you know, like everyone's sort of kind of young on the crew.
He's a little bit older and so he reads us from the 1970s and, you
know, like he's just a little bit of a swinger.
I think he's great.
It's a sort of 60, 70s vibe about what he wears that I think is
really good.
Where everybody else is so bug up, but he's so relaxed and scenes
isn't he?
He's got the experience of the ages.
Yeah, yeah, he's humane and warm.
He's got a perspective, doesn't he?
over the years?
Being cute.
Oh, not always.
I was about to say, it comes with, you know, over the years you
learn to be humane, but that's not always the case.
Yeah, no.
Just look out the window right now.
And then again, we could, you know, like this could be more
capery.
It's actually a little bit boring, like you can see where they're
what they're going for.
Do you know what I mean?
He's pushing the big thing.
He has to push it onto a, onto a, you know, like a panel or
whatever. swing the camera around, you know, a little faster than
they usually do.
But like the mid shot, when he came in, to that set, just pushing
the thing in.
Like, you know, dinner's ready.
It's very boring.
Do you remember batter, bing, batter, bang?
The camera was all about the place, you know?
Yeah, but I think she's doing a pretty good job.
Like I kind of like that little close-up of the of the panel.
I remember Laval's direction in Dreadnaught, though. and I don't
always rate Lavar as a director, but he really got the, he got the
assignment there perfectly, and he is zooming around those where
where she's in a series of panic at the end.
She trying to outwit herself, this great bomb that's going to go
off.
And he sort of expresses the chaos in the direction.
Whereas she's sort of expressing mild. panic.
I think she does very well.
They're less interesting.
I mean, it's more interesting than Enterprise often is, I think
certainly more interesting than minefield.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
No, that was terribly boring.
Look at how beautifully he's lit there in that white room trip.
You know?
It's like he's got one of those wonderful selfie lights in his
face.
Yeah, yeah.
No, he's good looking.
He's a good looking man.
And actually, these are quite boring looking tunnels that they're
going down though, aren't they?
Well, they're kind of sort of Jeffrey's tubes, aren't they?
I guess the lighting, the grid lighting, but again, we had so much
of that in Deep Space 9 over the years, didn't we, over 7 years?
It reminds me of the sort of tunnels, we went down with Cisco
Edington, and Rebecca in that episode.
Happy times.
Leave me, leave me.
She didn't make it.
More fun than this.
Oh, yeah, for God's sake.
I would be reluctant to go through that thing that Iris...
That's the 2nd time he's been, he's been crawling along the bridge
floor.
Why are we not making this funny?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. intended to be. is clearly intended to be.
It just looks a bit awkward.
Oh, how did I get here?
Oh yes, it happened earlier, didn't it?
It's okay if you're a little bit knowing, you know?
Yeah.
So the warp plasma is sort of going to go up, is it?
It's going to explode.
Is that what's happening?
Yeah, if you say so, I mean, it does all end in a big bang.
Yeah, yeah, I think it's the warp plasma that does it.
I mean, that's kind of what we wanted at the end, right?
And then and then we get your ridiculous.
I love...
I love the ending so much.
It's exactly perfectly right. voiceover.
No, no, no, it's perfect.
Again, another Doctor Who referenced the end of evil of the Daleks
right?
It has to, like, every episode of season one of the X-Files ended
that way.
Evil has been defeated.
Oh, no way. somehow it's still alive.
The central processing computer building is alive again, you
know.
Okay, so here we are.
Good shot.
That's a good shot coming in and seeing all these corpses hanging
on.
I think so too.
I think it's good and the set is quite good.
Like it's, you know, like it's, and it's a bit gruesome.
It's like the things hanging from the ceiling in prey or
whatever.
There's a lot of them as well.
I don't know if they're sort of computer repeated on the on the
page.
I do think it might have been more interesting if it was still
white, though, and you really pick them out against the white.
Yeah, but I think what they've done, do you know what I mean?
They're doing the thing where the facade is this very pleasant and
welcoming environment designed.
Yeah, yeah. that's right.
Yeah, exactly. everyone's being tortured beyond the scenes to make
you happy.
So there's a Klingon there.
Oh, and they have neurological damage so that we can leave them
behind.
So we don't have to bother freeing them or we can just blow the
thing up.
So they've been, uh, you know, hooked up to the computer for so
long that there.
I think some of those people probably could have come in quite
useful, you know.
It could have been great.
And then we could have used them all as sort of processing power
for enterprise.
Instead of the gel packs.
I'll say, look.
Look, Travis, into the computer core.
Take his top off because you don't need that anymore and just hook
him up.
Oh, fuck, do you see all that liquid going everywhere?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Like, what is it?
It's like strawberry. like it's like ribena.
Oh, I fucking love this.
The great mechanical arms, grab hold of the sourcer section to say
nope, you ain't going nowhere, mate.
It's really good, isn't it?
I think it's really great.
And I actually think that the action where he's firing torpedoes
at the at the thing and it doesn't break entirely and then when he
flies off and there's still an arm attached to the Enterprise
source section.
Like, I think that's all pretty great, you know?
I feel like that could have been a sequel here, you know, with the
great repair station seeking its revenge once it's repaired.
You took away all my processing power.
Right.
Then you know how it works.
I bargain for a bargain.
Now I'm going to kill all your crew. wonderful.
Yeah, I don't know.
We can voice it by Jeffrey Combs playing the evil computer, you
know?
Again, or before.
Oh, Nathan, rocks all over the white floor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's a thing.
What do you think, do you think there's like a rock wrangler or
something?
As I think I've said before, there is a name for those rocks and
they're given, there's a reason why they exist in a lower decks
episode.
Someone explains why the bulkheads are packed with rocks.
Do they explain why they keep putting them in the console, so, and
blowing people's heads?
Yeah, everything's packed with rocks to dampen the subspace.
I think it's just because there's always someone annoying in the
crew.
So there's one console where they were like, right, he's really
irritated today, isn't it?
going into a dangerous situation.
Put them in the...
Knives and rocks in this one.
Acid.
Put him in the death console. that's right Oh, dear, dear.
Okay.
Yes, see, that was a very boring shot of the war plasma.
Just a boring mid-shot.
Whereas it should be so dynamic.
The thing's about to blow up the concept.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, that, I mean, the explosion going down, the corridor was
pretty great.
You know, it's something.
Oh, look out to Paul.
Yeah, we did good.
Yeah.
You know what's weird, though, is we haven't even get to see Hoshi
happy that Mayweather's alive.
I don't get a scene together.
No, because none of that matters because it's just those secondary
characters who we don't care about.
And all we're interested in is the space people shouting things
about their consoles and stuff.
I've got it.
I know how we can tie it in, right?
The conclusion of the episode could have been written.
So Travis is instrumental in the destruction of this thing.
And as they fly away, Hoshi's like, oh, look at what are your
practical jokes again?
For God's sake, we're going to stay.
That would have been the red dwarf version of it.
Exactly.
I bet I mean, this is all quite fun.
This is agreeable enough.
This is sort of some space action.
I'm here for that.
I like torpedo.
They've sort of put some dirt all over their face. haven't they?
They all look a bit rough now.
Sweaty and rough.
Except Jolene, of course, he still looks absolutely stunning.
Yeah there we go.
Do you want us to apply dirt to Jolene?
No.
No, you come on, she's a lady.
You learn our lesson in coarse oblivion, you know, when we slap
latex all over Jerry Ryan.
Oh my goodness, it looks so good.
It does look pretty great.
It sort of goes up like a load of fireworks.
Did you?
Yeah, it's awesome. pretty good.
Oh, Jolene, why did they put you in that costume?
Oh my word.
Wow, I know exactly why they put Travis in that costume.
Oh, actually, I can't object to far on the one hand and criticise
on the other.
Can I?
Yeah, you can.
Okay.
But he is wearing a lot of, like, lip gloss, isn't he, in that
scene?
Wow, yes, oh, is it another practical joke?
What's he doing with that bit gloss?
Oh, it's got a diuretic in it.
He's going around kissing because look at him. everyone's going to
kiss him. to go around kissing all the men and women.
No one's going on ship tomorrow.
Look at that.
Look how much look how much makeup he has on.
I don't know what they do.
It's so strange.
Yeah.
I mean, he's got natural beauty.
He doesn't need help.
No, no, but it is, I don't know what.
I mean, Billingsley's got quite a lot of makeup on as well.
It does too.
But, you know, I don't mean to be rude, but he needs the help.
But, you know, Bakula needs the help.
I don't think that...
That killer needs so much help in this.
It just wasn't getting it, wasn't it?
Oh, dear.
When can I have my helms and back?
When's he coming back to work after all, now that he's not dead?
No, look at the joke.
Come for breakfast.
Chefs poached eggs are waiting for you.
Oh thank goodness.
I promise I won't cancel it.
It's in my Outlook calendar.
Oh, dear.
That was the highlight of my year, captain.
I couldn't have died without having breakfast with you.
And then this, like the final scene is really, that's pretty
good.
That is really good with it repairing itself.
Well, just a little bit of, you want to say?
Well, I mean, we mostly had fun with that by comparing it to other
worse episodes. better episodes of Star Trek, actually.
But like, you know, on the scale of enterprise, which is a
different scale to all other Star Trek shows.
I mean, I'd put that as a one BEM, at least, over half, a 2.5 .
Germa gave it 3 stars out of four.
BM 2.5 stars.
I think it was reasonably agreeable.
It isn't a night in Sick Bay, but so little of enterprise is.
I should watch that after this.
So much fun.
But what I will say is, it's nice to see that they can tread some
new paths.
Yeah, we did say that about the 1st half.
And even though they just can't get their heads out of 90s trek
mode, can they?
They just can't think to end the episode in a especially witty or
exciting way.
Blow it up.
Leave the corpses there.
Let's go, you know, very TNG season one.
We've been doing this a long time now.
Yeah, like on Enterprises terms, agreeable.
Not a chore.
Yeah, not a chore.
Interesting location, interesting sort of major concept, a nice
bit of serialisation.
There was a lot of just hang time with the crew, and, you know
there's a sense in which what is successful with enterprise is
that it takes us away from the 24th century for the 1st time since
you know, original track, and it allows us to see a different type
of travelling through space.
And I always like that detail.
Like, I like that.
It was what attracted me to Star Trek the Next Generation, where
now we're in the 24th century and the technology's new
everything's new.
And, you know, we're getting a new type of 22nd century Star Trek
which I think is fun to spend time with.
Like, I didn't hate it at all.
But it has the usual problems that enterprise has, I think
inoffensive.
Yeah.
Yeah, I thought so.
It's a fucking miracle for enterprise.
All right, it's the end of the episode and it's time for us to
work out where we're going next time.
This is my choice, as always, and so it's your turn on the
randomiser now, Joe, where are we going?
Yeah, it's sort of now we're bleeding away a bit of interest in
90s trek.
But I'm going to keep it in the mix.
Since you went for your cliche, let's go back to Star Trek
Enterprise.
I'll go to my cliche.
Let's throw it all in the pot, all of it, and see what we get, you
know?
All right. 60 years of Star Trek in the palm of my hand.
Excellent.
But probably 90s track.
Oh, shit in hell.
Oh, we've got through it.
We've got to do it.
Your random start just very rare we do the 1st row, is it?
Yeah, sometimes though, sometimes it happens, sometimes
something's compelling.
It's considered one of the worst episodes of Voyager of all time.
We've got to.
Is it twisted?
Season two, episode six, twisted.
Yes.
Oh, God.
I think we'll probably find things to enjoy in it, you know.
It's a lot of hang time with the characters.
It's a lot of hang time with the characters, and of course, as
usual, we can talk about other better, more interesting episodes
of Star Trek to pass the time as well.
So there's that possibility. the episode that's so bad.
Yeah, that they said there is no way we can put out this boring
bottle show at the end of season one, our opening year of
Voyager.
So we'll shove it in with the 4 episodes.
We're kicking it into season 2 because nobody's going to want to
come back.
No, no, the finale was going to be... the 37s originally.
Yeah.
But there was 4 episodes, wasn't it, that they carried over to
season 2 and they made, and this is understandably one of them
where you might think before the end of season one, they are run
out of ideas as everyone stands around the ship as a wave of who
knows what?
slowly go through the ship and rearranges it, right?
It's just like weird corridors and stuff.
Is that the threat?
I can barely. whipply-wobbly effect, you know?
Oh, I think it's got like it's the height of Neelix, Tom Paris
jealousy as well.
Oh yuck.
Yeah, but it's worth talking about though, isn't it, right?
Because we're very nice about an ilix, but it's worth saying, think
how an awful I was.
So charming.
No, that's true.
I'm sure Janeway wants a coffee.
That's generally what she wants to do.
That'll be one and two.
And oh, Roxanne will be really angry because that's generally what
she did in season one and two.
Yeah.
What's your rest, Robert?
Uh, the worst, Robert?
Oh, he's part of the jealousy plot, obviously.
The best Robert will be being excellent, but he'll probably only
get a scene and the other Robert, the mid Robert.
This is when he's quite good.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a big fan of the medium, Robert, early on, I think he is
pretty good.
He is pretty good.
It'd be just interesting to hang with those people at that point
late one early too, wherever you want to put it, and just see what
they're up to. as they're kicking in.
Yeah. with a really the boringest anomaly of all time.
Oh, let's get our knickers in a twist, shall we?
Oh, sure.
You've been listening to entitled Star Trek Project with Joe Ford
and Nathan Bottomley, where online at untitled Star Trek Project
com, where you can find subscription links and links to our social
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Our podcast artwork is by Kayla Ciceran, and the theme was
composed by Cameron Lahn.
This episode was recorded on the 26th of May 2026 and released on
the 29th of May.
We'll see you next time for Star Trek Voyager, Twisted.
Oh, twisted.
Well, you mentioned twisted before we started recording.
Like, I think that you mentioned it.
Well, what's what we would have got next.
Prodigy.
Masquerade.
I don't know what it is, but it's better than Twisted.
No, I don't know what it is either. season two?
Oh, no, we actually we were lucky.
We had a capt going.
It would have been the animated series episode Albatross.
Do you know I might pick the animated series next?
How long has it been since we did one?
A while, I'm sure.
I reckon it has.
Yeah, oh, anyway.
What sort of algorithm have you got going on in this randomiser?
60 years of Star Trek to choose from.
The 1st thing it hands me is twisted.
Twisted?
Yeah, yeah.
I think the visitor was a 1st choice.
I think we chose to visit a certain...
It was emissary of 1st choice.
No, it was built down, wouldn't it?
Okay, maybe we should we do need to go away from 90s after that
then, because that's been like 7 on the bounce or something.
We're sort of doing the quality range now, aren't we?
We're sort of getting worse and worse.
Yeah, yeah.
Definitely animated series, I think is a possibility.
Or maybe all of the animated series in the in the mix.
Then I'll think of all... prodigy.
After that, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I might take out Discovery because there's a lot of it and I think
all the other ones.
I just don't feel like we've talked about enough.
So short tricks, the card, lower decks, prodigy, Strangely World
Starfleet Academy.
There'll be something interesting in those.
Starfleet Academy is now the least covered one because we've done
10% of it and we've done 20% of everything else.
Just choose that then.
I'll just choose that.
Keep going until I get the Jake episode.
It shouldn't take too long.
Excuse me, you've given me methods now where I can sort of...
There is only one season of Star Lake Academy, though.
Exactly.
I've only got to press it 10 times.
Yeah, well, probably.